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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Brogarn" data-source="post: 2742012" data-attributes="member: 15147">First off, let me say thanks for the entertainment. I've spent the last week or so reading your entire story hour off and on. I had a few technical complaints, but they're petty. Things like saying "even as" or "before that" twice in the same sentence. You tend to do that a lot, especially in a combat scene. The combat definitely flowed though and was very entertaining. Early on, you also had something drip down Arun's beard... which he doesn't have. You've also had him scratch the stubble on his clean shaven face. <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f609.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=";)" title="Wink    ;)"  data-smilie="2"data-shortname=";)" /> I'm not so nitpicky as to quote it all though. These were just things that stuck out in my mind as I was reading through the entire compilation.Secondly, I agree with the sentiment that the story drastically changed when you brought in your other heros. Awesome characters (and one of the most exciting entrances ever, even though I didn't know the characters) and the party needed help, but it definitely changed the story significantly (I have yet to read your other story hour not knowing about it until I saw it referenced here. I wanted to finish this up before heading there. Unfortunately, now it's like reading the second book in a trilogy before the first with the way things ended up). I think killing off Zenna, while a great twist, was still the catalyst for making this story about your other heroes as opposed to the ones we started off with. Reason being is that early on, Zenna was our primary "narrator" of the story. We saw most things through her eyes. And while she annoyed the hell out of me at times (like any 19 year old girl would, so well done there...), killing her off killed off your original story. Anyways, I hope you take these as mere critiques and not flames. I really liked the story overall and have really enjoyed the individual characters. It would be nice for them to own more often like they did with Hookface but you seem to have some grudge about min maxed players to take out somewhere. I just keep reading and hoping that my favorites don't permanently bite the dust (Cal, Mole and Lok. Please don't take that as a challenge.) I also hope saying that I have "favorites" is as good as a compliment as I mean it to be. Looking forward to more posts!</blockquote>

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