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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Hedrin" data-source="post: 2277553" data-attributes="member: 31867">Liadan's Journal 6Liadan's Journal #6 (June 21, 2003)  After the revelations of the prophecy, we took off quickly. With four days hence being the optimum time to get the gauntlet, we needed to move quickly to exploit that window of opportunity... or at least that's what Jastra said. After a day of riding, I finally got up the courage to apologize to Covenant. He told me I didn't have to apologize for questioning him, and he'd rather someone question him than follow in blind obedience. I'm still glad I did it, it just felt like something I needed to do.  I looked around and noticed we were alone, so I did something I've wanted to do for a while. I hugged him. I wasn't sure how he'd react, but he embraced me tightly in his warm arms. For moments like that, it almost makes Califax bearable.  Almost.                                   We set out again and made the dragon's mountain in plenty of time. Jastra told us she could sense the dragon's wards up the mountain a ways, so Garrett started to look for a campsite for us. He found one that had been used a while in the past, perhaps a month or so. I wonder who else had been here?  When the party that was staying started to dismount, there was kind of an awkward moment. Covenant and the rest of the mentors looked torn between wanting to stay for a moment more or getting on with the quest. I rather unsubtly said "Well, see you all when you get back." One or two of the others picked up on that and echoed my sentiments, trying to make a clean break. Fallon on the other hand grumbled about being left behind. Covenant and the others had a moment of unspoken communication and they all decided to fix up camp for us and make us all one last meal. They were all real helpful, more helpful than ever before. We hardly had to do anything.  I took care of the horses while Covenant tended to a couple of other things. Califax was no more happy about being left behind than I was. While I was brushing Califax down I kept noticing the way that Jastra and Covenant acted when they were around each other. He of course is always upbeat and she has been almost vibrating into another plane of existence with her eagerness to get on with this quest, but the way he would touch her... The way he would stand close and how at ease the two looked together, like Aubert and his wife. I suspect they are or have been lovers.  When I was getting through with Califax, and the others were off with the mentors they had come with, Covenant pulled me aside. He presented me with a powerful amulet of Lathander, the one he had loaned to me to try and open the portal. I was speechless for a moment, and I tried to refuse, but then I looked into his eyes and knew...  He doesn't think he's coming back.  Maybe not from this portion of the quest, but I know, deep in my heart that he does not expect to live to see the end of this.  In that moment I could hear my mother talking to me about the importance of keeping up appearances, and how I could never seem to understood that. I still don't, but I could see in his expression that he was giving me a token to remember him by, but didn't want to call it that, didn't want to give voice to that pessimistic a thought. I wanted to yell at him "don't go! Stay with me!", but that would have been the most selfish act I ever could have done, burdening him when he needed most to be free to do what he must. I'll admit it, at times I'm selfish, but I just couldn't do that to him.  Instead I took a deep breath, strengthened my resolve and found my voice.  "Thank you, I shall always wear it with reverence." I was surprised how clear my voice sounded. I was feeling so disconnected from the moment, like I was watching from a distance. I desperately wanted another hug, but I knew, absolutely knew, I would break down and cry if I got one. We talked a little more, about going to Calimshan next (I think that was it, my notes are at home - Brian), and we rejoined the others for the farewells.  I pulled Jastra aside for a moment and asked her to keep him safe. I wanted to say more to her, tell her that if she ever loved him, to bring him back, but I couldn't say that either. I knew she would if she could, and that I would be putting an unfair onus on her, but damn it! I don't want to lose him. Not after just finding him! Seventeen years... Seventeen years he was not in my life! Now I begrudge a minute I don't spend with him.  A last farewell and off up the mountain they went. Fallon looked as angry at being left behind today as I had felt the other day. I wanted to try and talk to him, but the separation from Covenant was too painful and I needed some time for myself. In retrospect, I wish I hadn't been so selfish, but I was, so I can't change that now.  We didn't have much to do in camp so we all sat around a little sullenly. Telemnar was the most cheerful, having been through this many times in the past. Sandrue and Phaele were very quiet and Fallon was almost sending out waves of anger. We had all heard his arguments with Garrett on the way here. He just couldn't let it go.  We set a new watch schedule and I was happy about that. I don't mind getting up early to greet the sun, but having middle watch every night as well was starting to be wearing! My days of sleeping in are long past.  My watch went uneventful, but during Fallon and Nekaya's watch apparently he heard or saw something and stalked out of camp telling her to stay there. He never came back and Nekaya woke up Rock. He was so convinced that Fallon had just deserted us to follow the other group, that he didn't bother to wake the rest of us. I was kinda mad at him for that, but didn't try to let it show. After he told the rest of us the next morning all about it, he started in on a tirade against Fallon. I suggested in a loud voice, to cut through Rock's tirade, that perhaps we should give him the benefit of the doubt and look to see if he wasn't laying unconscious and bloody out away from camp.  Phaele and Sandrue volunteered to stay with the camp while the rest of us went out to look for Fallon. We did pretty well in following his tracks, well... we think they were his tracks! Finally Erim sensed the wards a little ways ahead of us and we located a very recent palm and boot print, so even I had to admit it looked like he'd deserted us. So much for standing up for him.  (Stick figure of a girl hitting a guy over the head with a big mallet. Right next to a rubbing of the symbol of Covenant's house.)  Dejectedly we walked back to camp.  Nekaya and I made lunch, not too bad if I say so myself. After lunch Telemnar and I took the animals out to graze and get a little exercise. I got the feeling that Califax could have done this himself, but decided that it was beneath him and let us do it instead.  That evening Rock took a turn cooking. It smelled ok, but when I took the first bite... I thought that he had given me a sample of his laundry, not his cooking! Then I saw everyone else's reaction to the dinner and it was pretty comical. Rock even had a momentary look of surprise on his face. He hid it quickly and we all bolted it down as fast as possible, with lots of water. Nobody said anything, but it will be a long. time before we let him cook again!  We had to rearrange our watches again because of Fallon being gone, but it might work out a little better this way. We can better utilize the fact that Elves don't need to sleep as much as us humans.  I'm going off to sleep now. Write ya tomorrow!  ************************************  The game went on for a little more, but Liadan was asleep, so I'll include it in my next journal.  B</blockquote>

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