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Short, Funny Bard Songs Please
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<blockquote data-quote="rgoodbb" data-source="post: 7023903" data-attributes="member: 6801229"><p>I am going be playing a bard soon and wish to add the odd song or two with my non-combat performances.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I know there are multiple threads on songs already but I have two and would like a couple more.</p><p></p><p></p><p>They need to be short, a little naughty but not too offensive and have a comedy element that would make a crowded tavern laugh. I would especially like ones that are not already pop/rock/rap songs with a few words changed. These are my two. The first I wrote and the second is a very old english song. </p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>The Pissing Guard</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p>-Well she walked by the guard and gave him a kiss</p><p>-But he had to stand still just needin’ a piss</p><p></p><p></p><p>-And she rubbed her hand up where she dare</p><p>-Well he almost relieved himself... Right there</p><p></p><p></p><p>-As she backed up naughtily towards his peg</p><p>-A little bit of pee trickled down his leg</p><p></p><p></p><p>-Twas a bad time to give him a squeezer</p><p>-Cause he gushed-on-out like a water geyser </p><p></p><p></p><p>-Oh the pissing guard, it’s a common curse</p><p>-Don’t time it well, and you need to burst</p><p>-Squeeze it in, hold on tight</p><p>-It’s gonna be a bloody long night. Hoy!</p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>-After the drinking was over, she took out her glass eye,</p><p>-Put her false teeth in the water, hung up her wig to dry;</p><p>-Placed her false arm on the table, laid her false leg on the chair;</p><p>-After the drinking was over, she was hardly even there!</p><p></p><p></p><p>Something along the same lines as these would be really appreciated.</p><p>Remember: Short, Funny, Naughty but Nice</p><p></p><p>Tap, tap, tap........Your auditions now please......</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rgoodbb, post: 7023903, member: 6801229"] I am going be playing a bard soon and wish to add the odd song or two with my non-combat performances. I know there are multiple threads on songs already but I have two and would like a couple more. They need to be short, a little naughty but not too offensive and have a comedy element that would make a crowded tavern laugh. I would especially like ones that are not already pop/rock/rap songs with a few words changed. These are my two. The first I wrote and the second is a very old english song. [B]The Pissing Guard[/B] -Well she walked by the guard and gave him a kiss -But he had to stand still just needin’ a piss -And she rubbed her hand up where she dare -Well he almost relieved himself... Right there -As she backed up naughtily towards his peg -A little bit of pee trickled down his leg -Twas a bad time to give him a squeezer -Cause he gushed-on-out like a water geyser -Oh the pissing guard, it’s a common curse -Don’t time it well, and you need to burst -Squeeze it in, hold on tight -It’s gonna be a bloody long night. Hoy! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -After the drinking was over, she took out her glass eye, -Put her false teeth in the water, hung up her wig to dry; -Placed her false arm on the table, laid her false leg on the chair; -After the drinking was over, she was hardly even there! Something along the same lines as these would be really appreciated. Remember: Short, Funny, Naughty but Nice Tap, tap, tap........Your auditions now please...... [/QUOTE]
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