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Message: <blockquote data-quote="neg" data-source="post: 1217617" data-attributes="member: 4431">FeedbackFirst off Destan, new readers do come to your story hour.  I found your post in the “Pimp your SH” thread on the General Discussion board.  I just finished all of the posts and was dismayed to learn that I caught up so quickly to your current postings.  I was intrigued by the feedback you listed especially PC’s comments that you can write.You can, and very well at that.You also have a good group of players it would seem to me.  Most of their characters are drawn deeply and boldly.  I think Vath is a wonderful creation and his worship of Illmater makes him utterly unique in his love to both give and receive misery.  John of Pell is a particular favorite of mine, and I think yours as he often leads us through the story.  Kellus intrigues me greatly with his off/on faith and stark view of what life has to offer us all.  Baden catches my attention with his deliberate range of emotions.  His anger I can feel from your writing.  His confusion and rage is evident.  Raylin is a more calm and collected individual, a loner type, and less rounded in description than the others.  Ameylssan is the least fleshed out character in my opinion.  I would especially like to hear more from Raylin and Amelyssan in future posts, I think most of us would.  I would like to read what they think about each other and the situation they find themselves in.All in all, your characters/players allow for a nice beginning to your stories.  They are varied and seem to have similar and differing motivations that allow your creativity to flourish.As a writer you talent is obvious to us all.  You pace well.  You can dramatize a situation without going over the top, or making it campy.  You draw the personality of the characters and of your world in descriptive, image evoking phrases that leave lasting impressions on your readers minds and hearts.  You make us care, and pull forth emotions for the good AND the bad guys.  Your world is gritty and appeals to those that like that material.Too gritty?  Hardly…If someone thinks it is, they need to go back and read the Iliad.  There is a book that is moist with all the fluids that surface in a battle.  You need not fear you are pushing the envelope.  I argue that you are not pushing it far enough….Why?You are a natural storyteller.  There are many writers out there, but very few solid storytellers.  I work for a large New York publisher that has an imprint that publishes large amounts of Science Fiction/Fantasy.  It is Tor books and we publish Robert Jordan.  I want to make it clear that I don’t work in New York, I am not a writer, I am not an editor, I am not a publisher, and I am not in marketing.  I am a book sales representative for my territory in Minnesota.  I call on bookstores in my area and pitch them the latest and greatest books each season.  As such I read A LOT of material in order to be prepared to speak intelligently on the material I am selling.  I have read countless poor writers, and but a handful of actual storytellers.  I am in the midst of preparing for my next season, and I am reading reams of material to prepare.  But I had to finish your SH, it kept calling me back, it was that good.My only critique is the SH is episodic.  We need time to see you stretch the story over several installments to see how you can carry the plot, and keep us coming back for more.  This leads me to my next inquiry.As I read your story hour, you mentioned early on that you had been working on a novel or had completed one.  If that is the case, I would be curious to know your plans for it.  Is it a stand alone, or part of a longer series?  Is it based on your RPG?  Is it even fantasy?  I would be interested in knowing.  I would also encourage you, if you are truly serious, to get an agent, and get your book submitted for publication to a large fantasy house (if it is fantasy).  You do have what it takes to carry a novel.  You could use guidance and a good editor, but your starting point is so far beyond many of the published authors that I read now that I think you would receive serious consideration.  You would also not have to be hamstrung by the concern that your audience would be offended by your writing.  A novel would allow you the creative freedom that I see you craving in you non-SH posts.This is an honest opinion of someone who has been in bookselling/publishing for eleven years now.  But I am still a small cog in the larger machine that is publishing.  If you are serious, I can offer some guidance and point you in a few directions.  I wouldn’t have an agent in mind, but I can point you to publishers who would best be able to publish and more importantly market your work.  If you want to talk about this by email, feel free to drop me a note, otherwise you can post here.  I will be back.  Sorry for the long post.Take or leave this as you see fit.  I am a lurker who finds little time to read, and less to post.  I just felt compelled to write you something as a form of encouragement and thanks.  Continue to push yourself, keep growing, keep thinking and turning over idea, but mainly just keep writing.Best-Neg John Edwards       P.S. On your recommendation, Seph’s story hour is next.</blockquote>

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