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Snarf's Magnificent Seven: Greatest Action Heroes
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<blockquote data-quote="payn" data-source="post: 8357853" data-attributes="member: 90374"><p><strong>Indiana Jones </strong>(Harrison "no ticket!" Ford)</p><p></p><p>Franchise, Indiana Jones (Star Wars, Patriot Games prerequisites)</p><p></p><p>Best Movie: Raiders. Solidified him as a leading man and an all time action hero great.</p><p>Worst Movie: IJ4; crystal skull. God, what a turd of a movie...</p><p></p><p>Reason: The suave book nerd who can take a punch. What is more American than traveling around the world uninvited, trespassing old ruins, and poaching precious cultural artifacts because "THEY BELONG IN A MUSEUM!"? Ford is the total package. He hits all the notes of seriousness, goofiness, and sarcasm. He does all the action hero roles. The globe trotting professor, the smuggling nerf herder, the reluctant action spook, etc... </p><p></p><p><strong>Snake Pliskin</strong> (Kurt "Yeah. You and everybody else." Russel) </p><p></p><p>Best Movie: Escape from New York</p><p>Worst Movie: Escape from L.A. </p><p></p><p>Reason: Nobody is more all American than Kurt Russel. A slew of great action flicks on his resume that helped define the 80's. Snake Pliskin gave an action paint job to the post apocalypse flick and did it in America's most iconic cities. He's not the most built star, or the best looking, but he manages to be above average across the board. Also, the guy looks amazing like time cant touch him. </p><p></p><p><strong>Philo Beddoe</strong> (Clint "the squint" Eastwood)</p><p></p><p>Franchise: Every Which Way</p><p></p><p>Best Movie: Every Which Way but Loose</p><p>Worst Movie: Any Which Way you Can</p><p></p><p>Reason: Clint is a cool ass customer, so I had to cheat to get him in here. The man with No Name trilogy is nothing short of amazing, yet an Italian film. Able to say a ton without saying much at all. Ushered in a whole new era of Westerns that stomped all over the John Wayne template of <em>good guys wearing white and are always morally right, bad guys in black and always morally wrong, plus Native Americans who get mowed down by the hundreds. </em>In Any Which Way but Loose Clint stars as a bare knuckle boxer with a pet Orangutan named Clyde who can strip a car on command. How many other action hero stars can make that claim? None. <em> </em></p><p></p><p><strong>Neil Shaw </strong>(Wesley "always bet on black" Snipes)</p><p></p><p>Best Movie: The Art of War</p><p>Worst Movie: The Art of War II (direct to video, did anyone see this?)</p><p></p><p>Reason: Ok, so I had to cheat again. Wesley is bad ass and has a good enough resume to make an action hero list. I thought about cheating on Blade, I mean hes a comic book character not a super hero, also a dhampire not a vampire, but lets stick to the rules anyways. Wesley has done it all, sports, crime, action hero/villain. As Shaw, Snipes shows off his covert skills as he uncovers international espionage and looks dope doing it. Guy is a true fitness role model.</p><p></p><p><strong>Alice.</strong> (Milla "multipass" Jovovich)</p><p></p><p>Best Movie: Resident Evil</p><p>Worst Movie: Resident Evil 2+ (How many are there now?)</p><p></p><p>Reason: Ok, still cheating. Resident Evil just may be the first (horror) action franchise with a female lead. Milla kicks ass and looks good doing it. Her roles as LeeLou and Alice show she can hang with the boys when it comes to action flick franchises. </p><p></p><p><strong>Lynne Jacobs </strong>(Angela "bad ass" Bassett)</p><p></p><p>Franchise: ...Has Fallen</p><p></p><p>Best Movie: ?</p><p>Worst Movie: ??</p><p></p><p>Reason: Is it cheating if they are not the lead role? These rules make it nearly impossible to get anyone but white dudes on it. Who cares? Angela Bassett has the best <em>hard</em> <em>look </em>in the industry. Any action flick is improved when Angela Basset sets the spike like the pro she is. Looking good even at 60! </p><p></p><p><strong>Ash Williams</strong> (Bruce "heil to the king" Campbell)</p><p></p><p>Franchise: Evil Dead (lets face it, EDII and Army of Darkness not exactly horror films...)</p><p></p><p>Best Movie: Evil Dead II</p><p>Worst Movie: None</p><p></p><p>Reason: B movie stars need love too. Bruce is an underrated star when it comes to his action sequences. The Evil Dead series is entirely innovative. One of few films the lead is on their own for 45 min fighting themselves as an evil spirit. Even launched a so-so television series with an incredible pilot. Its BC, thats as good as it gets. </p><p></p><p> <strong>Dishonorable mention: </strong><em>(Payn's sizzling take of the week)</em></p><p>John Wick is not an action franchise. Its a murder porn series. Speaking of porn, the average skin flick has a more intricate and interesting plot than anything the John Wick franchise has to offer. Maybe better action too <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="payn, post: 8357853, member: 90374"] [B]Indiana Jones [/B](Harrison "no ticket!" Ford) Franchise, Indiana Jones (Star Wars, Patriot Games prerequisites) Best Movie: Raiders. Solidified him as a leading man and an all time action hero great. Worst Movie: IJ4; crystal skull. God, what a turd of a movie... Reason: The suave book nerd who can take a punch. What is more American than traveling around the world uninvited, trespassing old ruins, and poaching precious cultural artifacts because "THEY BELONG IN A MUSEUM!"? Ford is the total package. He hits all the notes of seriousness, goofiness, and sarcasm. He does all the action hero roles. The globe trotting professor, the smuggling nerf herder, the reluctant action spook, etc... [B]Snake Pliskin[/B] (Kurt "Yeah. You and everybody else." Russel) Best Movie: Escape from New York Worst Movie: Escape from L.A. Reason: Nobody is more all American than Kurt Russel. A slew of great action flicks on his resume that helped define the 80's. Snake Pliskin gave an action paint job to the post apocalypse flick and did it in America's most iconic cities. He's not the most built star, or the best looking, but he manages to be above average across the board. Also, the guy looks amazing like time cant touch him. [B]Philo Beddoe[/B] (Clint "the squint" Eastwood) Franchise: Every Which Way Best Movie: Every Which Way but Loose Worst Movie: Any Which Way you Can Reason: Clint is a cool ass customer, so I had to cheat to get him in here. The man with No Name trilogy is nothing short of amazing, yet an Italian film. Able to say a ton without saying much at all. Ushered in a whole new era of Westerns that stomped all over the John Wayne template of [I]good guys wearing white and are always morally right, bad guys in black and always morally wrong, plus Native Americans who get mowed down by the hundreds. [/I]In Any Which Way but Loose Clint stars as a bare knuckle boxer with a pet Orangutan named Clyde who can strip a car on command. How many other action hero stars can make that claim? None. [I] [/I] [B]Neil Shaw [/B](Wesley "always bet on black" Snipes) Best Movie: The Art of War Worst Movie: The Art of War II (direct to video, did anyone see this?) Reason: Ok, so I had to cheat again. Wesley is bad ass and has a good enough resume to make an action hero list. I thought about cheating on Blade, I mean hes a comic book character not a super hero, also a dhampire not a vampire, but lets stick to the rules anyways. Wesley has done it all, sports, crime, action hero/villain. As Shaw, Snipes shows off his covert skills as he uncovers international espionage and looks dope doing it. Guy is a true fitness role model. [B]Alice.[/B] (Milla "multipass" Jovovich) Best Movie: Resident Evil Worst Movie: Resident Evil 2+ (How many are there now?) Reason: Ok, still cheating. Resident Evil just may be the first (horror) action franchise with a female lead. Milla kicks ass and looks good doing it. Her roles as LeeLou and Alice show she can hang with the boys when it comes to action flick franchises. [B]Lynne Jacobs [/B](Angela "bad ass" Bassett) Franchise: ...Has Fallen Best Movie: ? Worst Movie: ?? Reason: Is it cheating if they are not the lead role? These rules make it nearly impossible to get anyone but white dudes on it. Who cares? Angela Bassett has the best [I]hard[/I] [I]look [/I]in the industry. Any action flick is improved when Angela Basset sets the spike like the pro she is. Looking good even at 60! [B]Ash Williams[/B] (Bruce "heil to the king" Campbell) Franchise: Evil Dead (lets face it, EDII and Army of Darkness not exactly horror films...) Best Movie: Evil Dead II Worst Movie: None Reason: B movie stars need love too. Bruce is an underrated star when it comes to his action sequences. The Evil Dead series is entirely innovative. One of few films the lead is on their own for 45 min fighting themselves as an evil spirit. Even launched a so-so television series with an incredible pilot. Its BC, thats as good as it gets. [B]Dishonorable mention: [/B][I](Payn's sizzling take of the week)[/I] John Wick is not an action franchise. Its a murder porn series. Speaking of porn, the average skin flick has a more intricate and interesting plot than anything the John Wick franchise has to offer. Maybe better action too ;) [/QUOTE]
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