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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Werebat" data-source="post: 6346805" data-attributes="member: 40158">I consider myself to be pretty open minded and accepting.  I teach English as a Second Language to immigrant kids who are mostly minorities.  There are three different religious traditions in my nuclear family, and my wife and I are of different races.  I have a few gay friends and co-workers, one of whom happens to game with us (he's a great guy).  I've had several GLBQ students (no T that I know of), and for the most part I've thought they were great kids -- one of them frequently dropped by my class to say hi last year even though she wasn't really in any of my classes.Out of innocent ignorance -- really meaning no slight to anyone -- I used a word that is apparently controversial in the community as part of a pun joke (the word itself was not used in a derogatory manner, but it is now my understanding that the word itself is considered to be at least controversial in certain circles).  Within minutes, a Paizo regular -- who self-identified as "cisgender", which research revealed to basically mean "straight" -- let me have it with a full blast from his flamethrower, a rebuke that included the word "lame" used in a clearly derogatory manner (ie "your lame joke").This was telling.  Words do hurt, and even an accidental broach of etiquette can cause problems, but it was a picture perfect example of hypocrisy for this person to use the word "lame" in a derogatory manner while blasting me for accidentally using another controversial word in a manner that was clearly NOT derogatory.  How is a person with difficulty walking due to an accident suffered years prior supposed to take that?When I pointed this out, complete with a link to a video of a lesbian with MS who was explaining that she found derogatory use of the word "lame" to be as bad as derogatory use of the word "gay", my post was deleted.  No one ever called the "cisgender" fellow out on what he had done, and he never apologized for it (I apologized for my own remark even though it had been completely accidental and, again, NOT used in a derogatory fashion).There have been other incidents but this one left an especially bad taste in my mouth.  I spoke to the gay guy I game with and asked him his opinion, and he told me that the word I had used was indeed seen as inflammatory in certain circles, but that it seemed to him that the rebuke and admin's handling of the whole affair had gone a bit overboard.  To the extent that I can, I think I *get* that people who have been hurt can tend to overreact when reminded of that hurt.  I've been through my own bumps in life and can sometimes be quick to (over)react or jump to conclusions about the content of someone's mind and heart when they say something that even hints of prejudice that has burned me.  So I can be compassionate and forgiving of overreaction -- but this guy was neither G, L, B, T, nor Q!  I don't know, it was just...  such a perfect example of hypocrisy that I almost wish I had taken a screenshot of it.I hate incidents like this because they can make me feel irritated with an entire group of people who I genuinely do NOT want to feel irritated by.  Ecch.  <img src="http://www.enworld.org/forum/images/smilies/rant.png"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":rant:" title="Rant    :rant:" data-shortname=":rant:" />And now I'm overreacting.  And I'll calm down.  But too often I end up feeling this way after visiting the Paizo boards.  When I post there I often end up feeling as though I'm viewed as an outsider who hasn't been deemed worthy of having opinions yet.  Not yet "one of the gang" who has earned that right, and worthy of scorn for having the audacity to speak out without it having been given.Insular -- that's a great word for it.  Thanks.</blockquote>

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