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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Ankh-Morpork Guard" data-source="post: 1938976" data-attributes="member: 10079">Chapter 113: Nagging TroublesAkan sat alone in the room for a long time. Thinking. Or rather, trying to think through the chaos his mind was currently engulfed in. What would Mare do? It was a good question, and one that he couldn’t seem to answer. Or at least, not answer just once. She’d probably do a lot of things...but...no, no this wasn’t helping anyone. Getting to his feet and putt the datapad back into his pack, Akan decided to take another walk.    He went outside, finding that night had fallen and the stars were out. Bright, shining wonderfully, and somehow drowning out the shine of the moon. Finding a nice spot on top of one of the garrison buildings, Akan watched the sky. He was suddenly surprised by a familiar voice off to his left.    “Its beautiful, really,” Jen said. Akan turned and saw she was facing the other direction, but still looking up. What was she doing out here? An odd sense of deja vu washed over Akan and he couldn’t help but wonder if he had felt this was a good place to go from a little ‘trick’ in the Force. It wouldn’t have been the first time. Probably wouldn’t be the last, either.    “Yeah...it is,” he agreed, picking out a couple of planets and wondering what they were. It was far too much of a distance to see Corellia or even Endor from here...but maybe that was a planet he knew. Had walked on before...or even just flown over.    “You have wonderful memories of her,” Jen said, breaking Akan’s thoughts and surprising him. She’d picked up on those buried thoughts he was trying to hide, and somehow that annoyed him. It was hard enough getting used to Shadow knowing his thoughts, but now Jen did too. Very strong, even without training, it seemed. But apparently, she wasn’t done, “Don’t forget her, Akan.”    He sighed, but kept his attention on the stars above, “Why? It only drives me insane...or worse.”    “It strengthens you,” she responded quickly, no longer looking to the stars but now at the sands below, “Whether you see it that way or not...we have. Remember the good times. There were some...weren’t there?”    Somehow, Akan couldn’t fight back that smile, looking over to Jen and nodding slowly, “Of course...but there would have been more...should have been.”    “Perhaps,” Jen’s voice sounded a bit distant, as if she was off thinking about something else entirely, “But you can’t bring her back. I had to learn that, too. It isn’t easy...and it isn’t fun, but it’s the truth. And you shouldn’t worry so much about it. You’ll fall in love again.”    Something about those words hit Akan deeply. It was like she was still reading his thoughts, no matter how deep or buried they were...even from himself. In fact, he’d nearly spoke the first thoughts that came to mind, and stopped himself halfway through. Somehow, that didn’t seem like the right thing to say right now. She’d probably assume the wrong thing. But she was right...he would fall in love again. It might already have happened, even. But those thoughts faded into the dream again.    Or at least, a similar dream. Instead of watching as Jen fell away and he fought with Voort, Akan saw Jen. She stood facing himself, Voort, and Shadow. In her hand was Voort’s lightsaber, shining brightly and causing a horrible glow across the dangerous look on her face. Akan watched helplessly as Jen charged forward, first cleaving through Voort with her lightsaber, the man’s yell cut off in a short second of violent pain. But Akan couldn’t move. Frozen in shock and...no, it was more than shock. Stronger, at least. It didn’t stop him from seeing Jen move on both him and Shadow. Frantically, his mind tried to force his hand to get the lightsaber out...or just to move. Or anything! But nothing happened...well, no, something did. The lightsaber cut through his chest, across and then through what he assumed would have been Shadow. He didn’t see that, though, as his vision blacked out from the intense pain.    And then he was back. Back to sitting on the roof of the garrison watching the stars. He looked to Jen and couldn’t stop seeing both of those dreams together again. This was wrong. Akan knew that Shadow had agreed to train Jen. No matter the state of his mind, he could still feel Shadow’s thoughts. Now more than ever, it worried him. Terrified him. And he couldn’t look at Jen anymore. Quickly, he got to his feet and jumped down to the ground below, moving back into the garrison to find Shadow.    Jen watched him go. Strange. She had thought that everything was working, and then he just tore off with a panicked look on his face. Maybe she’d crossed the line with what she’d said. Maybe he wasn’t ready to move on just yet. It had taken her nearly five years before accepting that her younger sister Mera wasn’t coming back. She tried to imagine how she would feel about Voort if she had been in Akan’s situation. How long would it take her to come to terms with reality? Probably never. Jen stretched and rested back to watch the stars above. Definitely never. But as things looked now, it wouldn’t ever have to be something she had to think about again.* * * *Shadow found nothing interesting to do. Jen was no where to be found, Voort was asleep with some stupid grin on his face, Akan was...was...where was he, anyway? Thinking about it, she decided to try an old trick that she...no, Marix had known. Looking into the mirror again, she half expected to see those damned flames again. But thankfully, none. No voice either. Good. The thing had learned its lesson at least.    Focusing, Shadow reached out to the mirror and touched it gently, speaking Alraxian, “Addran fi sew Akan-jai.”    The mirror rippled slightly like water, and a faint image appeared over her own reflection. She could see Akan, walking down a corridor that didn’t look to be too far away. The thing that caught her eye was that he was human. Odd. Shadow had thought he’d gotten over...that, but now. She couldn’t help a grin at seeing that odd overlay image in the mirror. There was something to do! Something to alleviate the boredom!    Grinning, Shadow left the mirror as it was and ran off to hunt down her prey. Following the feeling through the link, she dimmed the predatory instincts so he wouldn’t notice, and stalked. Corner after corner, she expected to have jumped out at him, but each time he wasn’t there. Hmmm...needed to focus better. So she did. And she found him! Quickly quieting that excitement so Akan wouldn’t catch it, she ran off in the other direction(silently).    And then, she waited at the edge of a corner. He was close. Very close. Shadow was grinning a lot, trying her best not to dance around while waiting on him to get close enough...it wasn’t long before she heard his footsteps approaching. Or at least, some footsteps, but Shadow knew they were his. The link gave that away. It was like angst just walking her way. Perfect prey! Patience...patience...the smell of Akan started to get to her. But no, WAIT! Perfect timing...don’t jump the gun yet. It’d been so long since she’d hunted like this that all the excitement was starting to get the best of her. And then...then she pounced around the corner suddenly at him!    “Oof!” was Shadow’s cry as she hit head first into a running Akan. She’d not thought he’d have been moving faster than a walk.    “AH!” was Akan’s cry as he jumped back and stumbled away from the heavy impact of Shadow against his chest. She had a thick skull...but now Shadow lay on her back, down on the floor with her head spinning. A moment later, Akan’s apologetic face appeared over her, “Sorry...”    “You should be...” Shadow grumbled, taking his outstretched hand and allowing him to help her to her feet. Once up, she poked him hard in the chest, “That was mean.”    “Oh it was?” Akan couldn’t help a slight grin, “And you trying to murder me is any better?”    “Of course! Humans are viable prey at all times,” she grinned and then noticed that it probably hadn’t been the best thing to say. Akan’s expression had changed, and she knew the emotions that went with that look. Sighing, she managed a short apology, “Sorry...um...you were looking for me?”    So she’d picked up on his thoughts. Good, made things easier. Composing himself, Akan nodded and said simply, “Don’t train her.”    “Huh?” Shadow raised her eyebrow, then started connecting thoughts with words. One day he’d have to learn that the link was nice for sharing info, but sometimes words were actually helpful. Figuring it out, Shadow gave him a strange look, “Why not? No, wait...don’t tell me. Its that stupid dream of yours again.”    “It wasn’t just a dream,” Akan growled, not so threatening from a human as it was from an Alraxian, “Just don’t do it.”    Shadow stood back and gave him that ‘you’re an idiot’ look before saying, “There is too much potential to just waste in her!”    “Sometimes it has to be waste!” Akan snapped back suddenly, catching Shadow off guard.    She shook her head, “I’m going to do it,” and then the images of his dream started to seep through the link. So that was the problem, now. Sighing, she spoke more calmly this time, “Listen to me, Akan-jai, it will be okay. Those are just dreams...they aren’t the here and now. We have to live in the present, not the future...or the past.”    “You’ll just ignore everything I say, won’t you?” asked Akan, sounding as defeated as he felt.    But again, she shook her head, “No, Akan-jai. I will train her to the best of my ability. If I am not supposed to do that, then the Force would stop me. Things will happen as they happen, and we must use our visions as a guide...not a straight jacket. But I have to try...if I don’t, and she falls anyway, then it will be even worse. To see the light before the darkness opens up the possibility of returning, but if she only ever knows the dark...”    As Shadow trailed off, she noticed that Akan was nodding. So he at least understood, even though it was obvious he didn’t agree. But he didn’t seem to be protesting anymore. Then what was that lingering thought through the link? Something still there...with a careful glance over his features to try to read him better, Shadow said, “There’s something else, isn’t there?”    “No,” Akan said far too quickly.    Anyone, even if they hadn’t known him, would know that was a lie from both the voice and the speed of the response. So instead of backing off, Shadow took a step closer and looked him straight in the eyes. It wasn’t until he dodged the look that she picked up on it. That girl, again...Mare. So that was the real problem here. This wasn’t her area of expertise, but then again, no one could really understand Akan any better. Quietly, she said, “When I lost my brother Tobias, I felt the same way. He was...was the only one who ever really understood me in the family. The only one who didn’t condemn me for who I was...and...and the Mrrakesh murdered him. I still miss him so much, but there’s no way to bring him back. I’ve tried...but nothing ever worked.”    It was the first time Akan had ever seen Shadow like that. She actually looked scared...even vulnerable. Everything Shadow wasn’t. He opened his mouth to speak, but took longer than he’d expected to find any words, “There has to be some way...I...I can’t just forget about her.”    “Then don’t,” Shadow said with a smile, “But you have to move on. You have to or you’re going to get yourself killed...get us killed.”    He nodded slowly, a depressed look on his face with tears doing their best to come back again, “I just want it all to end...”    “Don’t cry Akan-jai,” she carefully and awkwardly reached up to wipe away the first tears, then surprised them both and hugged him. His head went to her shoulder, and in a few moments she felt her shoulder getting slightly damp, “Please don’t cry...come on...you’re making me feel useless...”    He did stop, or at least did his best, and stood back slightly. There was a short silence before Shadow turned his face to her and wiped the rest of the tears away, brushed his hair as tiddly as was possible to one side, and in a very feline gesture, rubbed her cheek against his gently. Quietly, she said again, “We will meet everyone we’ve lost one day. You still have them...in your memories. Its not nearly as good as them being right there, but its better than nothing. But they’re...I’m babbling, sorry...”    She went quiet.    The quiet felt too awkward, so she attempted speaking again, “I’m so very bad at this comforting thing...maybe you should go talk to Hansen or even Voort, because I’m really bad at this...and I’m babbling again.”    Akan didn’t say anything, but didn’t move either. Finally, he said, “Thank you...”    Shadow had started to say something else, but her ear twitched to the side. Footsteps. Someone was coming. She didn’t have to say anything, as Akan noticed the movement both through the link and the moving of her ear. Quickly, he pulled back from her and did his best to look ‘normal’. A moment later, Hansen rounded the corner and nearly toppled over the two of them. After a moment, she said, “Voort wanted me to ask you when the ship would be ready.”    Ah. Business. Good, that made things easier. Shadow’s mind was back on track, and she said, “About a day or so...Loki still needs some rest. But tell me, why didn’t Voort just ask himself?”    Hansen managed a weak grin, “He’s ah...um...busy with Jen.”</blockquote>

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