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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Ankh-Morpork Guard" data-source="post: 2634039" data-attributes="member: 10079">Chapter 286: One Last TimeSometime, it felt like they were always traveling. Over the last few weeks, at least, more time had been spent in hyperspace than actually doing what they were supposed to be doing. But it wasn’t all bad. Not only did Loki enjoy the company, but so did Toby and neither Shadow nor Jyren had much of a problem with it. It was nice to have actual time to relax...even if it was a bit unnerving after they had gotten used to never having a moment to sit down or sleep.    For once, the two of them weren’t sitting up in the cockpit and watching the lines of hyperspace swirl around the ship. Just an hour earlier, Tobias had demanded attention and they had tortured him...which meant that, now at least, the small Alraxian was passed out. Of course, he had the habit of simply falling asleep wherever he was and that had been, unsurprisingly, on Jyren. Having been in a comfortable spot in the small lounge that usually ended up being the place where they ate, Jyren hadn’t moved.    Shadow had wandered off to practice a little, inviting Jyren to join her but knowing he wouldn’t. She was trying, at least. Loki was currently in between two conversations, one with Shadow while she was in the hangar, and the other with Jyren who was still laying back on one of the couch-like pieces of furniture in the lounge with Tobias asleep on his chest.    “I still think you could do with some kind of weapons,” Jyren was saying up to the ceiling, which, for some reason, was the natural way to speak to the ship. It just made him feel less crazy to talk up than straight to a wall across from him, “Just for defense.”    Loki responded with a hurt feeling. [No Kanyaks have ever had any weapons. It would...it would be wrong. And besides, I am much faster than any other ships.] there was a pause, and then Loki ‘grinned’. [Besides, your ship has weapons. It can do the work.]    Grinning, Jyren nodded. Considering that his impression that it was a grave insult to tell a Kanyak he needed weapons, Loki was keeping his usual lighthearted attitude fairly well. The conversation itself had gone on for at least twenty minutes, and now, finally, Jyren couldn’t think of anything to add. The ship just wasn’t going to agree, and there was nothing Jyren could do to convince him otherwise. It could have been worse, at least.    Silence took over the room...except for Toby’s breathing that was beginning to border on snoring. Jyren found himself yawning and wondered if a nap might not be such a bad idea. They were still a good ways out from Kuat, and there wasn’t all that much left he could think of to do.    Then, somewhat quickly, Loki cut in. [Watch out.]    “Huh?” Jyren looked up again, giving the ceiling a confused look. But Loki didn’t have a chance to respond, and it became immediately apparent what the ship was warning him about.    The door across the room irised open and Shadow stepped in. Normally, this would have been fine...but she had that look on her face. It was a determined expression that told Jyren more than the link could in such a short amount of time. Thanks to Loki, he also had a good idea of what the nature of that look was...and what the she and Loki had been talking about. Or, more likely, what she’d been venting at the ship.    Quietly, she walked over and had a seat in one of the smaller chairs that was directly across from where Jyren was laying. For a moment, she looked like she might actually make a comment about him and Toby, but instead she gave him a hard, critical look and said calmly, “This is the last time we’re going to do this.”    It was natural for Jyren to nod to that, even if he didn’t like where this was going.    Seeing his reaction, Shadow returned the nod and got straight to the point, as usual, “We’re going to the Core again, Jyren. Not only will we have to be on constant watch for New Republic Security, but we’re also going to have to watch our backs for bounty hunters and stay on our toes when we try to figure out exactly what is going on.”    Again, Jyren nodded. She was right. Yes, he knew exactly what she was going to say next, but he wasn’t going to argue anything until he was pushed into a corner.    So, Shadow pushed him straight into the corner, “If you hold back the Force there we’re going to get killed. I can’t pay attention to everything at the same time while still having to talk through officials and dig for the information we’re looking for.”    “You know I won’t,” he replied simply and shook his head.    Shadow held his gaze for a long time before saying very slowly, “If you want to be stubborn, then you are going to stay here in Loki.”    “No,” Jyren shook his head again, “I’m going with you.”    “No!” Shadow suddenly snapped, nearly yelling but holding her voice down enough that Tobias only shifted slightly, “No, Jyren. If you come with me, you’re going to use everything you can. Otherwise, taking you is just like taking Tobias with us. If I have to do it myself, I will.”“But you just said—“    ”I know what I just said!” Shadow cut him off this time, “But I’ll do better on my own than having to watch out for the both of us and you know it.”    Jyren went silent. He did know it. That was the heart of the problem, really. He looked down at Toby to avoid having to meet Shadow’s icy gaze, but that did little good. She had the kind of look that could melt faces even when it wasn’t matched. She could stare at the back of someone’s head until they cried. It was a well trained look, and very effective.    Shadow waited a few minutes. As she did so, she pried through the fairly week block that Jyren had been attempting through the link over the past weeks. It wasn’t hard...she knew him well enough to know what he would try. And then she sifted through what she could find as carefully as possible. There was something wrong with all of this that was really bugging her, and she knew it had to do with what Jyren kept saying. She found it with little trouble, but the problem with the link is that thoughts weren’t exactly translated. They were still masses of unintelligible ideas that made no sense. But Shadow had the idea now.    And so, very carefully, she said, “Jyren, stop avoiding this and tell me the truth. What is the real problem? What are you so afraid of? And don’t you dare lie to me and tell me its what happened with Halpak. I know as well as you do that you’ve accepted that you made a mistake and are doing your best to move past it. Tell me the truth.”    There was a silence, but eventually Jyren turned to meet her gaze again. He sighed and thought about it. It was somewhat annoying that she was always so damned right about everything...even with things he’d convinced himself of otherwise. And, at this point, there was no more arguing. It would only make the situation worse. Probably much worse, considering how well he knew Shadow and how serious she sounded.    Taking a deep breath(which forced Tobias to shift again), Jyren finally answered, “I don’t want to screw up again.”    A simple statement that, out of context, wouldn’t have meant a thing. But Shadow knew exactly what he meant, and she didn’t even need the link for that(though, of course, it sure helped). Slowly, Shadow nodded as she put the pieces together, “Its been three and a half years and you still haven’t let go, have you?”    Despite having admitted it, Jyren couldn’t help but feel caught. He bit his lip and nodded, eventually saying, “I can’t lose you, too.”    Somehow, that made Shadow grin. Maybe it was the absurdity of the idea. Holding back a short chuckle, she shook her head, “Jyren, you know you can’t. Its not possible. In fact, that’s the one thing in the galaxy you’ll never, ever have to worry about...like it or not.”    He sighed and managed another nod, “I know...but its just...I still...”    “Jyren, she’s dead,” Shadow said flatly, not really liking that it had come down to that but knowing it had to be said, “It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t screw up. You aren’t to blame.”    “But I...if I had been trained then,” Jyren mumbled, “I could have stopped it from happening. I would have known.”    And there it was, finally. It had taken weeks to pound that simple thing out of him. Shadow sighed, trying no to sound annoyed that he was being help back by something so stupid, “But you weren’t. You didn’t have any training then...there was nothing you could have done to change anything. And holding yourself back from using the Force now to try and prove to yourself that you could have done it then isn’t going to do anything but get the both of us killed. No, I’m not saying you can’t, but right now, we need everything we can use.”    Silence again. This time, at least, Jyren didn’t try to look away. He held the look, and then, knowing it was probably a bad thing to say, spoke up, “I’m sorry.”    Shadow blinked, and let out a sigh of relief. For once, he wasn’t just using that to cut the argument off. She could feel that clearly. It was the first time she could remember him actually apologizing and meaning it instead of trying to work his way out of a corner. With a nod to make sure he knew she wasn’t going to yell at him for saying that, she got up out of the seat and walked over to where he and Toby were. Carefully, she had a seat on the floor, resting up against the couch-like thing and leaning her head back to look up at Jyren.    And, in that odd position, she asked, “So are you going to stop this now?”    “What?” Jyren asked, a grin appearing on his currently upside-down face, “I’m comfortable here, and I don’t think Toby would be very happy if I moved.”    Shadow rolled her eyes, which was an interesting sight for Jyren at the current angle, and tried to hold a flat tone, “You know what I mean.”    He nodded, and said through a deep breath, “I don’t think I much of a choice...so I’ll just do my best.”    “When was that ever good enough?” now she was having trouble fighting back the grin.    Though Jyren opened his mouth to say something, he was cut off by Loki. [It seemed to me that last night it was enough.]    Silence. Jyren fought back a horrible comment...if, of course, anything could have been horrible compared to what Loki had just said. Shadow had, naturally, gone a deep red, and what was left of Marix was now completely in control. And so, immediately, she yelled up at the ceiling, “Shut up, Loki!”((A short little thing that's actually unrelated to the SH. If you haven't done so already, go check out <a href="http://www.enworld.org/showthread.php?t=150831" target="_blank">this thread</a> and vote on the 2006 ENnies Judges. This is my first year running, and, yes, I'd like it if you'd vote for me, but I won't stop updating these SHs if I don't win. <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f609.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=";)" title="Wink    ;)"  data-smilie="2"data-shortname=";)" />))</blockquote>

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