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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Ankh-Morpork Guard" data-source="post: 3403156" data-attributes="member: 10079">Chapter 443: Fear“Were you ever afraid?”    That got him an interesting look, “That’s a pretty dumb question, little guy.”    He shook his head, sighing and hating that he’d brought that upon himself, “You never seem to be, though. I mean...its been quiet lately, and I was young back when all of the craziness was going on, but I remember it. You just...you ran in without any fear at all. How did you do that?”    “I told you it was a dumb question, Toby,” but that was followed by a shrug and a calming of the voice, “Of course I was afraid. Terrified, most of the time.”    Tobias sighed and looked at the back of the figure standing across the room from him, looking out a window, “But...it never showed and...and it never stopped you.”    “It nearly killed me,” that was whispered, almost to the point where Tobias couldn’t hear it. The head shook and the voice rose, “To be honest, little guy, I was so afraid of losing someone close to me again that I stopped caring. My fear drove me to push everyone away, and nearly drove me into a darkness I couldn’t have gotten out of.”    “But I thought there wasn’t a dark side...”    Another shrug, “Your mother believes that. I did...but now...I don’t know. Maybe the Force itself doesn’t have sides, but I know I do. In the end, it doesn’t matter which is true. I nearly fell into something I could never have gotten out of because I was so afraid.”    That had gone in a direction Tobias hadn’t expected, despite prompting the conversation. So it took him a moment to figure out what to say next. When it finally came, he looked down at the floor, not really able to ask it directly, “...how did you...what—. How did you get out of that?”    With a slight turn, Tobias could see a single, blueish eye giving him a curious look from over a shoulder, “Things started happening. I didn’t have a choice. If I’d sat around anymore, hiding from things, more people would have died. I thought I’d cut myself off from everyone, but I hadn’t. In a matter of days I was right back to where I’d been years before and I...I just couldn’t let it happen again, so I fought it.”    Truthfully, Tobias knew this story. He didn’t need it repeated and yet, here was an aspect completely new to him...and almost terrifying. This man was not a god or some perfect creature that Tobias had always made him out to be. He was...normal. It was frightening.    “But...”    It was all Tobias could say. He couldn’t finish that sentence. He could speak the names of the people he had no memories of his own of. He couldn’t speak the names because he worried what it would do to his father, now suddenly unsure how far across the line he’d gone.    This time, finally, Jyren turned around to face the young Alraxian. There was something close to sadness on his face but that wasn’t the word. In fact, Tobias didn’t have a word to describe it accurately. Slowly, Jyren walked over to have a seat in the chair that was across from Tobias and leaned forward to look him in the eyes. In a quiet, reflective voice, he said, “But I watched my friend become the first Darkwing in thousands of years. But I found out that even after I’d stopped that, not only was the man behind it still alive, but the friend I’d saved was going to die anyway because she was a clone. But I killed a man that was one of the strongest, most noble humans in the galaxy because I didn’t even think to talk him down...”    Jyren stopped, looking down at the floor and resting his face in his hand. Before the gesture, Tobias had seen tears on his face. Tobias wasn’t able to say anything, though, as Jyren continued, though his voice was a bit muffled and obviously struggling to stay even, “But I lost another friend that day and I could do nothing to stop it, despite her being the one who convinced me it was worth going on. But I saw a friend who I had fallen in love with tortured in front of my eyes...I felt it,” finally, Jyren looked back up to Tobias, “And with each time that something happened, I became more afraid...more terrified of what was next. But the fear drove me to protect what I had. And despite the fear of what could happen, it was all worth it. Do you know why?”    At this point, Tobias was sitting in shock, unsure of what he’d just gotten himself into. The best he could manage was to shake his head.    In response to that, Tobias received another surprise. Jyren smiled. A real smile, “Because I’m still alive right now thanks to Jen worrying about me. Because I met a man who I thought I hated...and after his death, I realized how good a man Titus Voort was. I learned what it was truly like to be honourable and noble from him. Because, thanks to Halpak, I met you. Because I met me real father, a man I’d thought dead and didn’t even know I needed him...and then found out about my mother, too. Because I fell in love again, after thinking I’d already had my chance at that and it had been taken from me. Because, even though Jen fell and did horrible things, in the end, she saved my life...because I told her I had a son and that brought her back. Because of Andrea and Saraan and the way they look at me with their big eyes like I haven’t seen since you first latched onto me.”    Jyren stopped then, and reached up to put an hand on Tobias’ shoulder, “The reason I told you all of that right now is because you need to understand that fear can only hold you back. If you let it, if you focus on that alone, you’ll forget about all the wonderful things that happen.. When something happens to you and you feel like you’ve lost everything, it can consume you...but you can’t let it. You have to be strong. You have to remember to take something away from each loss, each pain. Learn from it...” he sighed but managed to hold the smile on his face, which was almost worrying to Tobias, “No one’s life is easy, Toby, but you have to find a way to stand back up after each punch. You have to see the good, even if its just what you took from someone after they were gone. But don’t ever, ever let your fear stop you from living.”    Slowly, Tobias opened his eyes. It took him a moment to get his bearings, but as he sat up, he took in the boring view of the rather empty room that was ‘his’ inside the Great Temple. There was no window. There was a single chair, and a basic desk. No place for Jyren to have sat...no place for him to look out a window.    Sliding out of the surprisingly comfortable bed and still having trouble adjusting to being human, Tobias’ eyes adjusted to the relative darkness of his room and locked onto the chrono that was on his desk. It was the middle of the night...bordering on morning. That had been a very odd dream...so clear and vivid. He didn’t even remember, exactly, when that conversation had taken place. It had been...years ago.    “Halpaks don’t run.”    The voice of his biological father echoed through Tobias’ head suddenly and a cold fear gripped him. But this time, unlike when he’d been in that old Temple kilometers away, he fought it off. One thought pushed it away.    BlueIces don’t run, either.    There was a reason he’d dreamed that. There was a reason it was so clear. The Force was telling him something. For the first time in Tobias’ life, he heard the Force and understood what he needed to do. He could feel it...like never before.    As quickly as he could, Tobias got to his feet and got dressed. In a matter of minutes, he’d left the room. With him, he took nothing at all...even Jyren’s lightsaber...his lightsaber, remained at its place sitting at the desk. Master Ral had told him the truth before. He didn’t need the lightsaber.</blockquote>

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