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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Krafus" data-source="post: 3537890" data-attributes="member: 27256">Darn, I didn't intend to have you write a near chapter with your answer. <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f609.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=";)" title="Wink    ;)"  data-smilie="2"data-shortname=";)" /> The problem is that he then comes across as incapable of winning any tough battle on his own, further adding to his aura of ineptness. It also removes tension from the battle; the reader knows in advance that Jyren will lose, getting beat up in the process, and some outside factor will intervene and allow him to win.Another thing I've noticed is that Jyren appears unable or unwilling to learn self-control. After chapter 336, he's practically still as lacking in self-confidence and control - and wits - as at the beginning of the story. He still blurts out stupid things on a regular basis. He might be a little more stable emotionally... but he still puts his foot in his mouth all too frequently. His heart is in the right place, no doubt. But his brain... one would think a few neurons would have developed during the course of the story.As to the physical aspect of their relationship, as I've said, I wouldn't want you to put in anything that would be inappropriate for this board. But I've read other Story Hours that did go a little farther than you have, and I thought the tale was the better for it. You're right that spelling every little thing can ruin a story, but IMO a few more signs of physical affection between them would enhance it and make their relationship feel more real.I admit, part of the reason I'm arguing this is that I'm fed up with what I see as the blatant hypocrisy of too many fantasy authors (and of a seemingly large part of the US population, judging by the Nipplegate), who give readers blood and gore by the wagonload but shy away from anything sexual. So feel free to call me biased and ignore my argument.As to Jyren vs. Jen... Yes, I see and understand the RotJ parallel, but it was frustrating to see Jyren finally winning all by himself, only to throw it away and get torn to shreds as usual. Also, I admit that given Jen's state, I didn't think "I have a son!" would be enough to make her decide to reject the Dark Side.</blockquote>

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