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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Ankh-Morpork Guard" data-source="post: 3700428" data-attributes="member: 10079">Chapter 505: Of PhilosphyOne day, Tobias expected that things would actually start making sense.    This was, however, something that Jyren had sworn every day of his life, and that Marix had just given up on years before Jyren would have even been born. But Toby didn’t know that, and even if he did, it might not have changed his desire for some kind of sense in the galaxy.    “He killed some medical crews and ran off towards Thyferra,” Tobias’ words were spoken in a stiff voice meant solely for reporting facts. It was hard to hold it like that, though. Not with what he’d found out about Tokarr...    “Thyferra?” Venda raised an eyebrow but only spared Tobias a glance. Her attention was on the viewport as she guided the shuttle that the Jendari had given her out of the Gemstone’s hangar. She began to plot a jump to Thyferra as a thought crossed her mind, “How did you find this out?”    Tobias sat back in the old, somewhat uncomfortable co-pilot’s chair and shrugged, “Master Ral told me to ask so I uh...went to the bridge and asked the Mon Calamari who looked to be in charge. I think I caught him off guard or something. He didn’t say much, but did mention Thyferra. Guess he was fine with telling me something when I mentioned Master Ral...”    It really had been that easy, though Tobias expected that he’d managed to catch things at the right time. Repairs were underway, as were a hundred other things he knew nothing about. When Tobias had gotten back to the medical bay, Master Ral had told him that Venda was in the hangar and he was supposed to go with her to Thyferra to bring Tokarr back. The Omwati Jedi Master ignored all questions about how he was doing, which was worrying to Tobias, and in a few short moments the young apprentice found himself being escorted to the hangar after getting lost in the huge Mon Calamari Cruiser.    And now they were in hyperspace.    “If I was a better fighter, this wouldn’t have happened,” Tobias said softly as he watched the swirling blue that was hyperspace.    Venda, who had her blonde hair down and was now sitting back trying to get comfortable, gave him a sideways look. She didn’t like the way that sounded, “What do you mean?”    Tobias turned and idly started examining the consoles next to him. Very little of them were identifiable, but it felt good to give his brain something else to think about, “I confronted Tokarr before the battle. He...he came at me swinging. I just...well...he got away, then the attack started and...and he killed those people afterwards.”    “That doesn’t make it your fault.”    Tobias then said something that surprised them both, “I know.”    When he said it, he stopped and looked forward again. Had he just...? Tobias shook his head, mind working through things. After a few long minutes of odd silence, he manage to mumble, “Guess that settles that.”    With a glance to Venda, he could see she was grinning. Eventually, the Jedi woman just said, “Seems it does.”    And then silence returned again. But it was a different kind of silence.    Very slowly, Tobias started to grin, too. He tried to fight it back for some reason, feeling like after the deaths of so many it was inappropriate to be like this but...but...    “I’ve never done that before,” he managed to say, his voice almost breaking into a laugh. Maybe he was just losing his mind.    Venda’s chair turned slightly so she could face him. The smile was still on her face, and she was in the process of pulling her hair back and out of her face again, “Better than just dragging your feet, isn’t it?”    “Huh?” there was only so much that Tobias could understand now.    She shrugged, “Saying it out loud like that. Not fighting it back in your head or trying to bury it with self pity or anything like that.”    “...huh?” Tobias was now sure he’d lost his mind. Not in the way that meant he was mad, but in the way that meant he couldn’t think and nothing made any sense to him.    “I feel it, too,” Venda waved a hand towards the viewport, “The echo of all of that death. Jedi all over the galaxy can feel that. Even for the strongest of us, it can be overpowering to the point where we question everything else that might be related. That kind of emotion can destroy us.”    Finally, Tobias managed to put a coherent thought together, “Wait...I’m lost. What are you talking about?”    Venda smiled broadly, “Not everything bad that happens is our fault, Tobias.”    “Well, of course, but...”    “No but,” she cut him off rather softly, though there was a slight edge in her voice that seemed to come from the Force, “Before we were on this ship you were blaming yourself for the deaths aboard that Vong ship, when you could have done nothing about it. And just a moment ago, whether you realize it or not, some part of you understood that and applied it to what Tokarr did.”    His mind began to put things back together, albeit slowly. No. No it wasn’t his fault. Tobias was responsible for his own actions, but the actions of others were not something he could take the blame for. Being a better fighter wouldn’t have stopped the Vong from attacking, and Tokarr may very well have still killed those medics. The important thing was that he had confronted Tokarr...he’d tried to stop him from crossing a line. It wasn’t Tobias’ fault the line was crossed. In fact, fault didn’t matter...    Sitting around just blaming himself, or anyone else, for something didn’t stop other terrible things from happening. In fact, they could just make things worse. Jyren had told him that once, though Marix had come in after and mentioned that Jyren never really followed that line of thinking. Something about him getting it but being too damned stubborn to actually apply it.    But Tobias began to understand his mother more. Action was needed. Action to stop anything else from happening. Direct action, even if it wasn’t combat, but some kind of action beyond sitting around and throwing blame that wouldn’t change a thing. He had to do something. He had to get out there and find Tokarr and do the same thing he’d done before...talk him down. If that didn’t work, he wouldn’t bring it to a fight...but Tokarr likely would.    And in that case, he would fight. He would fight because every second Tokarr was fighting him, he wasn’t harming anyone else. Tobias didn’t know it, but the pieces weren’t falling together just like he thought they were. There was a great deal of Marix’s philosophy in it, but she didn’t fight as a distraction. She moved to action as both as an offensive kind of defense, but she had no qualms with starting the fight, herself.    Somewhere, below the conscious level of Tobias’ thoughts, his brain was piecing things together very carefully. He was a Jedi...or at least, learning that path. He would not simply attack. He would not charge in first. He would stand and try everything he could before it came to a fight...then, if a fight did break out, Tobias would blend together what he’d learned from both of his parents. He would act, as Marix had always told him to do. But he would also do what she told him not to do, but was something that Tobias had always admired about his father...Tobias would not just kill Tokarr or maim him or anything to simply end the fight. He would stay on the defensive because he felt that there had to be another way to end it.    Marix’s practicality and realism blended not-so-perfectly with Jyren’s idealism and sometimes foolish hopes...and a touch of his Jedi teachings in there, too.    “Venda,” Tobias finally spoke up again, his voice much more steady again though he felt surprisingly calm, “Could you help me with...with my lightsaber technique?”    “I am no expert,” she admitted, though Tobias noted she was already getting out of her seat to leave the cockpit, “But I’ll see what I can do. C’mon.”    Of course, despite his sudden change in thinking, Tobias still had a great deal to learn.    Now, however, he knew it.</blockquote>

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