What does god need with a +6 sword?
Given that we're talking Story Hour philosophies, I would be remiss if I did not do a little pimping. In my campaign, xvarts are, as a rule, secular humanoidists. Here is their story, in the words of Foleful, Xvart Sorcerer:
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The secular humanoidist manifesto
There's just one god. That's logic talking, there -- if there were two, they'd be slugging it out until one defeated the other and (the universe being infinitely old) there'd be just one by now. Same reasoning applies for sets of three or more gods. No, there's just one god. The xvarts call this god the Eoer-Stepper when they refer to it at all. "Eoer," meaning "high and above" and "Stepper," meaning "stepper." But generally Eoer-Stepper doesn't come up that much. It exists only because it's logically necessary.
Kaldecki and Kurtulmak and Malgubiyet and Gruumsh and all the rest aren't gods. Just because you can walk on water and raise the dead and grant first-level spells to your followers doesn't mean you're a god. Let's look at the record. Not all clerics worship specific gods. As the PHB entry on clerics reminds us, some of them just pick two domains and get going. Only most clerics worship specific gods.
Clearly these "gods" are nothing more than insanely powerful epic-level entities. Heck, they have character sheets in Deites and Demigods. That's an unsatisfying system, fundamentally.
Another thing, what the hell kind of theology is "do as I say and I will give you healing spells?" That's not ethics, that's bribery. When the philosopher asks, "what is the highest good?" and the cleric responds "it's what gets hedged out by a magic circle against good spell," a great number of doors are closed.
So we ask ourselves, why do the gods co-opt morality and metaphysics, presenting themselves as the only answer when they're so clearly a shoddy answer? Because it's through metaphysics that we mortals can tap the power of the gods. Rise up! Rise up and question your shamans! Probe your beliefs! Endeavor to undergo a systematic survey of rational inquiry!
What exactly do the racial gods do for us? Has Grummsh ever helped out an orc in need? Has Kurtulmak ever granted kobolds a good harvest? If we humanoids of the Underdark have all these all-powerful divine beings on our side, why is it we're still getting stomped on by Men, Elves, Dwarves, Drow, Mind-flayers, Giants, ET CETERA?! I'll tell you why! It's because gods are jerks. They want sacrifices. They want praise. They want the best of everything. And all this can be summed up in the behavior of clerics, which the gods tacitly endorse.
Clerics are pushy, money-grubbing pricks who have been granted the greatest gift of all -- magical healing. Do they use these powers to help those in need? Even those of their own race have to ante up with the sack full of money for a "cure light" or a "raise dead." The greatest gift of all, reduced to simple quid pro quo. The uncivilized clerics are even worse, the ones out there in the caves.
They wield their influence in tribal politics with a carrot and a stick.
The carrot is their capacity to heal, and the stick their capacity to rob the tribe of their healing, on a whim. Those tribes are almost always ruled outright by their shaman of Kaldecki or Kurtlmak or whoever, thanks to the carrot and the stick. And is this rule by divine right equitable, giving as much meager comfort to each tribe member? No, as in all societies, the rulers hoard the best for themselves.
I had a conversation with an orc once. I asked the orc, who rules your tribe? Orc said, the shaman. I asked the orc, why? Orc said, shaman knew Grummsh. I asked the orc, so? Orc said, Grummsh commands it. I asked the orc, why obey Grummsh? Orc said, Grummsh is strong.
"Grummsh is strong." Boy, there's a grotesquely unsatisfying cosmology, ethos, and political philosophy, all rolled into one! Where's the omniscience? Where's the Infinite Justice? Where's the majesty and grandeur? Where's the frickin' theology? Just because you're strong doesn't mean you deserve worship, bucko.
