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<blockquote data-quote="ladyphoenix" data-source="post: 4640906" data-attributes="member: 77271">&quot;I hope Koln is ok too, I trust he will find a way back. His Malkavian bloodline most likely have a silver lining in their mental state that keeps them surviving all these years, I'm sure of it,&quot; she says as she forces a smile. Clover asked about why she didn't seem upset about being a vampire. &quot;Well, to tell you the truth, I'm terrified on the inside. It's just that we have been trying to survive this whole time that I guess I haven't been able to focus on my own emotions. I've been ripped from my family quite literally, which at times is unbearable, and half the time I'm trying to control my brawling instincts and animalistic outbursts. Whenever I lose control, I feel the animal part of me taking over and that's probably why I try to block out as many negative emotions as I can. It's almost like my other side is just looking at&nbsp; satisfying my basic needs and if I over-induldge, things could fall apart,&quot; she said while having a strained look on her face. &quot;It's hard to explain this feeling inside, but at least I can be positive. I'm just afraid that someday, I will no longer look human anymore,&quot; she said with a frown.&nbsp; She looked out the window and smiled, trying to remember the little things that make her smile...&quot;I like buses.. they know just where they are going..&quot;She looked back over to Clover &quot;So what should we do when we get back?&quot;</blockquote>

[QUOTE="ladyphoenix, post: 4640906, member: 77271"] "I hope Koln is ok too, I trust he will find a way back. His Malkavian bloodline most likely have a silver lining in their mental state that keeps them surviving all these years, I'm sure of it," she says as she forces a smile. Clover asked about why she didn't seem upset about being a vampire. "Well, to tell you the truth, I'm terrified on the inside. It's just that we have been trying to survive this whole time that I guess I haven't been able to focus on my own emotions. I've been ripped from my family quite literally, which at times is unbearable, and half the time I'm trying to control my brawling instincts and animalistic outbursts. Whenever I lose control, I feel the animal part of me taking over and that's probably why I try to block out as many negative emotions as I can. It's almost like my other side is just looking at satisfying my basic needs and if I over-induldge, things could fall apart," she said while having a strained look on her face. "It's hard to explain this feeling inside, but at least I can be positive. I'm just afraid that someday, I will no longer look human anymore," she said with a frown. She looked out the window and smiled, trying to remember the little things that make her smile..."I like buses.. they know just where they are going.." She looked back over to Clover "So what should we do when we get back?" [/QUOTE]

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