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Message: <blockquote data-quote="izillama" data-source="post: 4745973" data-attributes="member: 79171">[sblock=Clover's Inner Dialogue] 'Damnit! Why? Why did I walk out like that?! Are you a coward? Did your parents not bring you up right? Face your problems! Face your friends! You owe them that much! No. Who am I kidding? There's nothing to face. You're pathetic. You're a pathetic, sorry, whiny little bitch who wouldn't know what to do with herself if everything didn't go her way! Talk about being sickened. It's not Ruby and Koln. It's you! It's all you! Look at this. Look at what you've become.' Clover punched the wall of the shower stall. Her knuckles crushed feebly against the tile.'Made you peace? Ha! You might be an even sorrier piece of <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /> now than you were before! You should have killed yourself when you had the chance. Now look at you! No chance for redemption. No chance for heaven or hell. Nothing! You're nothing! And you look at Ruby and Koln and you want that? Do you!? Well you screwed up. You screwed up terribly! You'll never have that chance! There's no use envying them. No use being jealous. If you were a monster before, you're even worse now! The lowest of the low...'Angry. Scared. Confused. Clover found herself biting down heatedly on her own wrist to keep from screaming. To keep from crying out in terror at hearing her own inner dialogue. Her own poisonous thoughts come to the forefront of her mind. Blood seeped in crimson rivulets down her arm, quickly washed away  by the stream of the water. Red swirled in the drain. She bit deeper. Her eyes narrowed, on the verge of insanity.'How dare you? How dare you!? It was never mean to... BE like this! You should die! You shouldn't be here. You should die! You have no right to be jealous of them! You're terrible. You're a terrible, awful, horrible person and you don't deserve to exist on this Earth any longer! Stop making people SUFFER!'She felt her eyes tear as she bit further, then released. The pain she had inflicted on herself made the pain lessen. Almost. But it did not fully go away. These thoughts... these horrible, manacle, positively suicidal thoughts were her own. Her own cross to bear.She felt utterly alone. No one to cling to. No one cared. Not even herself. [/sblock]Clover glanced unaffectedly at the rat and was just a bit surprised when she couldn't figure out where it had gone. But what did it matter? What did any of this matter anymore? In the grand scheme of things (being vampires, having a strong vampire who wanted them dead, being convicted to an eternity of lonliness) not being able to find the source of the rat seemed miniscule. Clover hugged her towel closer to her form. She felt like she couldn't go back and face Ruby and Koln. Not yet. She felt terrible and ashamed of her actions. Her thoughts.She sunk down the wall and sat right on the floor, staring hard at her wounded wrist. Nothing would make it better. It was not going to be ok.She bit into herself again and nursed her self-suffering.Ruby and Koln shouldn't have to bear her pain. She would leave them their time alone.</blockquote>

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