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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Strider_Koln" data-source="post: 5025565" data-attributes="member: 78265">Koln waves 'goodbye' to Clover, Mindy, and Lacey as Ruby lifts him out of the club.After being put down he takes a step back as she growls and rebukes him for being so careless. His demeanor switches from apologetic to angry at her mention of 'understanding' him. He does his best to remain composed as he replies coldly and monotone, "Firstly, it was not my idea to 'pretend' to be involved with that bloodsucker. And you want to 'understand' me? I love you, I really do Ruby, but do not think for a second you could ever understand me. I really would if I could Ruby, if only for a moment be a complete prisoner to your ideas and beliefs regarding what I will and will not do. Do you know how badly I long for you to tell me that you know everything that's going on in my head, and how I yearn that you will be able to smile at it all and tell me it is all okay, that it is all for something?""The fact is that you can't, nor can I ever let you, or anyone else for that matter, get too close to the core. This is because deep down... in my mental-emotional core there is just an abyss. Sure when I was human I had something to justify my own existence, but now there's nothing at all. Clover caught a glimpse of that abyss, and it caught a glimpse of her in return... I do not want you to see that same monster, whom will no doubt not hesitate to devour you whole." Koln pauses for a bit to regain his composure, building up the nerve to finish saying what needs to be said.He grips her by her shoulders gently and looks into her eyes as he continues. "You barely know me at all. I don't even know if this conversation that we're having right now, is really going on. At any given time I can be somewhere else, gripping onto the stray slippery tethers of reality all the while. I was frozen today! Did you know that? No, you didn't, because I am always projecting an image to distract you away from seeing what goes on between my ears. Sure, you are always on my mind Ruby, but there are other things. I have murdered, and not just vampires. While I never really loved, save for you, I do have a son somewhere back home. However, I am not completely certain if that is real. I think it is... do you understand what it is like to be unsure if you have family waiting for you? Or to be unsure if you have murdered people in cold blood? Do you understand what it's like for all of reality to regularly change for the mere sake of making you into a joke?""Do you know what's really insane Ruby? This is actually pretty funny, it is something I know that others only glimpse and forget. This thing actually, in my experience, suggests that I am the most rational person in the world. The fact is that we are all completely alone. There is no grand unity to reality, that crap that 'everything is connected' is just opium to make us feel better, that heaven is on earth and we are not alone. You only 'understand' the image of me that appears to you through your five senses, nothing more. You are completely ignorant of my central being... as I am for you. I only know the 'Ruby' that appears before me, and the same can be said for everyone all over this planet, vampire or not.""The entire world is a cruel masquerade... there is no such thing as true understanding, just cautious guesses, especially in matters pertaining to love." With that Koln feels compelled to let her go and run off, but he can't, instead he embraces her, holding her very close in the vain hope that they could stop being two separate entities and exist in this world of illusion and darkness as one whole being.. no longer alone.</blockquote>

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