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<blockquote data-quote="Hairy Minotaur" data-source="post: 3160440" data-attributes="member: 11574"><p><strong>Something gross, this way comes</strong></p><p></p><p>"Stupid Tehas, never gave good directions." Menthos muttered to himself. It took him nearly an hour to locate the particular antique and fetish shop he was looking for. </p><p></p><p>The building looked as if it had collapsed when Menthos walked past it the first five times, upon closer inspection the sixth time Menthos saw that the building appeared to be shoddily constructed and remembered that his brother had told him that the building looked like dung from the outside but got interesting once you got inside.</p><p></p><p>Menthos reached for the front door and discovered that it was only on one of it's hinges. The door swung awkwardly open and creaked like a tomb door as it finished it's swing. A heavy dose of incense doused Menthos, almost gagging him in the process. A small voice called from somewhere in the back of the store.</p><p></p><p>"Be right with you, feel free to look around though." </p><p></p><p>Menthos' eyes adjusted quickly to the low-light in the store and he made his way in. Shelves lined the walls to either side of the doorway, filled with organs and fetuses of creatures he'd never seen before. Moving further in, the teifling came upon displays of wickedly curved knives and daggers some appeared to be thousands of years old. Then came the hanging racks of dried pipeweed, bundled together in stalks of five plants per bundle. Some from places he'd never heard of, or couldn't pronounce. Looking back at the front of the store, Menthos was impressed to find that the rotten and broken down look on the outside appeared to be airtight and sealed from the inside.</p><p></p><p>Turning to his left, Menthos came to face an upright desiccated humanoid. Taken aback a bit, it wasn't until Menthos' eyes dragged down to the things arms and legs that he saw something which made him wish he hadn't turned around. It was missing all of it's fingers and toes, and parts of each foot and the left hand was gone as well. A sign was posted next to it's left hip.</p><p></p><p><em>"Mummy Pipeweed. 5,000gc/gram"</em></p><p></p><p>"Ah one of our most decadent items." The voice startled Menthos who instinctively reached for his weapon.</p><p></p><p>"Tsk, if you're going to be jumpy like that, you'd be better off if you left, it doesn't get any more sedated around the next corner."</p><p></p><p>Menthos turned to face the small figure, a gnome with black tattooed runes on it's bald head and a forked beard peered solemnly back up at Menthos, "I'd be less jumpy if you'd quick sneaking up on your customers."</p><p></p><p>"That's your perception, I tend to believe if you don't see me, then that's your problem." The gnome commented</p><p></p><p>"Do people smoke this?" Menthos asked pointing at the mummy</p><p></p><p>"I'm sure some have, others use it for more necromantic applications. Still I can't beat the markup on it, so it stays out here. Someday it'll go as an impulse buy to fancy wizard or some such." The gnome answered</p><p></p><p>"Really? Good luck with that." Menthos replied</p><p></p><p>"Yes, you however have the look of a man in search of something specific. Perhaps one of these Orichalan ritualistic vertebras removers?" The gnome held up a wicked looking levered spoon device that looked like something a demon would use to clip it's nails with.</p><p></p><p>"I'll pass on that today. I'm looking for some information, no that's not exactly it, I'm looking for a patron." Menthos answers</p><p></p><p>"Ah, a spellcaster you are. I have many fine homunculus creations I could sell you, or perhaps you were looking for something in the naughty tinker bell range?" The gnome suggests</p><p></p><p>"Hey, whatever you're into is okay with me, I'm not here to judge." Menthos replies</p><p></p><p>Menthos' remark brings a frown to the gnome's face, "Well, appears there is nothing I have that you want."</p><p></p><p>"Wrong, there is something you have that I need. I know you have it, I just wish we'd not have to do this dance around the subject before you get a clue and we move on to step two." Menthos answers</p><p></p><p>"Ah, you want the Duergar Ale Chute! I'll get it for you." The gnome states and vanishes before Menthos' eyes.</p><p></p><p>a few moments later, the gnome rematerializes next to Menthos holding funnel with a long ribbed worm-like thing attached to the drain point.</p><p></p><p>"What the hell is that?" Menthos asks</p><p></p><p>"This is what you need. A Duergar Ale Chute! I attached the mohrg's tongue myself. See the cartilage bypasses the gag reflex so that the ale can go straight from mug to stomach without one having to swallow. Plus it's a little permeable so that you can still taste the ale on the way down, but you won't have to waste all that time gulping. I will warn you though, quite a few people have drowned using this item. Although from what I'm told they died with a smile o their face in ale heaven." The gnome tells Menthos</p><p></p><p>"That's tempting, if it only came with a loaded hand crossbow so you could shoot yourself after sticking that in your mouth, I'd be sold on it." Menthos retorts, the gnome holds up a finger as if to say he'd be right back with the hand crossbow. </p><p></p><p>"Stop! I don't want any of these items!" Menthos shouts, "I need a patron, I want to become a warlock!" </p><p></p><p>"Sonny, your in the wrong town then. It's all about spells and books, and more spells here. I don't know what you expected to find in my antique store that would lead you to that path." The gnome answers</p><p></p><p>"Listen twerp." Menthos says grabbing the gnome by the collar of his shirt, "I know you do this, my brother visited you months ago and you set him up. I've got a job to do in the School of Ancient Knowledge, and I think it's in both our interests if we cut with the BS and get down to the you contacting another plane." Menthos demands</p><p></p><p>The gnome eyes Menthos for what seems to drag on for minutes, appearing to size up the mettle of man that Menthos is. </p><p></p><p>*sigh* "What patron do you wish me to call for you?" The gnomes acquiesces</p><p></p><p>"This one." Menthos replies, handing the gnome a slip of papyrus with one name on it.</p><p></p><p>"Pfftt, surely you jest? This is the weakest of all the patrons. Undoubtedly you meant someone more along the lines of Grazz't? Skarn barely registers as an entity and is so unreliable as to not warrant the effort." The gnome replies</p><p></p><p>"No thank you, I'd rather keep my own soul if you don't mind. I like having free will, it keeps me from wanting to come back here and burn this place to the ground." Menthos responds</p><p></p><p>"Well, I'm not doing this for free, so it looks like you're going to be purchasing a Duergar Ale Chute today." The gnome states and begins to light some red and black candles at the rear of the building.</p><p></p><p>"What? It was free earlier this year? And what am I going to do with that thing?" Menthos argues</p><p></p><p>"Times change, constables up their bribe prices, and the Temple of Tinel keeps wanting to take a look at my store." The gnome states</p><p></p><p>"Fine what's the cost and I'll just pay you that in gold and we'll call it a day, I don't want that thing!" Menthos pleads</p><p></p><p>"Oh but, I think you'll need to show you had a great shopping experience when you leave my store. After hours of shopping, do you think the Tinels watching outside will believe you browsed half the day away?" The gnome asks</p><p></p><p>"Fine, but can it be something else?" Menthos asked, understanding the gnome's meaning but not wanting to walk out with the chute.</p><p></p><p>"No, because it just so happens this item costs 171 gold crowns." The gnome replies</p><p></p><p>"So?" Menthos spoke before his brain caught up, Menthos then remember that was the exact contents within his money pouch, "That's a good trick you have there."</p><p></p><p>"No trick at all, merely business." The gnome answers and finishes lighting the candles.</p><p></p><p>Four hours later a weary Menthos exits the broken building carrying a Duergar Ale Chute and wielding an internal fire.</p><p></p><p>"Ew, gross. What in blazes is that disgusting thing?" Kessen inquires</p><p></p><p>"It's a motivation tool for horses. Helps with suppositories and stomach pumping. It's quite amazing actually." Menthos answers, Xanthos nearly leaps from the table.</p><p></p><p>"Calm down, I said horses, not half-asses." Menthos tells Xanthos</p><p></p><p>"Why on earth would you need such a thing to break into the School of Ancient Knowledge?" Haimish inquires</p><p></p><p>"I heard they were into some pretty freaky stuff." Menthos answers to a stunned crowd.</p><p></p><p>Kessen then tells the party about the back alley and the Temple of the Spider on the south side. Turgar and Doopa admit to sleeping for the past six hours, doing exactly what the party hoped they'd do. Xanthos then shifts into the form of a young human boy and sits back down at the table between Haimish and Kessen.</p><p></p><p>"Wow, I can't tell it's fake at all. Good job." Kessen praises</p><p></p><p>"I agree, looks more natural than a swan on Tuesday." Haimish agrees</p><p></p><p>"Centaur look puny now." Doopa argues</p><p></p><p>"Couldn't you have turned into a voluptuous woman instead?" Menthos comments</p><p></p><p>"I am a human male of twelve summers, I have been led to believe this is standard for your their species." Xanthos argues</p><p></p><p>"Yeah, but you look all ratty and dirty. I wouldn't let you in unless you were a hot woman, and that just makes you look plain." Menthos offers his opinion</p><p></p><p>"That is the point, I plan on appealing to their sense of mercy and goodwill. I will knock on the door and plead to gain work to clean some part of their building, once entry has been gained, I shall seek to mistakenly search the lower levels for this gem Haimish needs." Xanthos explains</p><p></p><p>"Well I'd think you'd get more work as a woman." Menthos disagrees</p><p></p><p>"There's something in there." Turgar, who had been staring at Menthos' odd contraption the whole time, states</p><p></p><p>Confused, Menthos peers inside the funnel and spies a golden ring suck near the top of the mohrg attachment. Reaching his hand in, Menthos plucks out the ring. Turning it over in his hand, he can feel the magic course through the small trinket. </p><p></p><p>"You probably just broke the thing." Kessen states</p><p></p><p>"We'll see." Menthos replies</p><p></p><p>"Well, what do we want to do the rest of today?" Turgar asks</p><p></p><p>"Get some sleep, is my vote." Haimish answers</p><p></p><p>"Sounds good." *whistle* Menthos waves over a serving wench, "bring up four pitchers of ale and two pitchers of mead to room number twelve, and tell your boss you'll likely be detained for a while." Menthos grabs the Duergar Ale Chute and heads to his room upstairs.</p><p></p><p>"I say we ditch him now." Turgar comments</p><p></p><p>"No, we need somebody to blame when this thing goes wrong." Kessen answers</p><p></p><p>"I don't think I can wait that long." Turgar replies</p><p></p><p>"Guys, let us focus on the task at hand, think of the references we'll get if we can appease a lord of De' Lite's stature? Menthos may be crass, but he's good with a flank and apparently the only one with thieving skills." Haimish counters, Kessen and Xanthos nod and they head up to their rooms, leaving Doopa and Turgar. Alone, in a bar, where they serve alcohol, and they already dislike each other....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hairy Minotaur, post: 3160440, member: 11574"] [b]Something gross, this way comes[/b] "Stupid Tehas, never gave good directions." Menthos muttered to himself. It took him nearly an hour to locate the particular antique and fetish shop he was looking for. The building looked as if it had collapsed when Menthos walked past it the first five times, upon closer inspection the sixth time Menthos saw that the building appeared to be shoddily constructed and remembered that his brother had told him that the building looked like dung from the outside but got interesting once you got inside. Menthos reached for the front door and discovered that it was only on one of it's hinges. The door swung awkwardly open and creaked like a tomb door as it finished it's swing. A heavy dose of incense doused Menthos, almost gagging him in the process. A small voice called from somewhere in the back of the store. "Be right with you, feel free to look around though." Menthos' eyes adjusted quickly to the low-light in the store and he made his way in. Shelves lined the walls to either side of the doorway, filled with organs and fetuses of creatures he'd never seen before. Moving further in, the teifling came upon displays of wickedly curved knives and daggers some appeared to be thousands of years old. Then came the hanging racks of dried pipeweed, bundled together in stalks of five plants per bundle. Some from places he'd never heard of, or couldn't pronounce. Looking back at the front of the store, Menthos was impressed to find that the rotten and broken down look on the outside appeared to be airtight and sealed from the inside. Turning to his left, Menthos came to face an upright desiccated humanoid. Taken aback a bit, it wasn't until Menthos' eyes dragged down to the things arms and legs that he saw something which made him wish he hadn't turned around. It was missing all of it's fingers and toes, and parts of each foot and the left hand was gone as well. A sign was posted next to it's left hip. [I]"Mummy Pipeweed. 5,000gc/gram"[/I] "Ah one of our most decadent items." The voice startled Menthos who instinctively reached for his weapon. "Tsk, if you're going to be jumpy like that, you'd be better off if you left, it doesn't get any more sedated around the next corner." Menthos turned to face the small figure, a gnome with black tattooed runes on it's bald head and a forked beard peered solemnly back up at Menthos, "I'd be less jumpy if you'd quick sneaking up on your customers." "That's your perception, I tend to believe if you don't see me, then that's your problem." The gnome commented "Do people smoke this?" Menthos asked pointing at the mummy "I'm sure some have, others use it for more necromantic applications. Still I can't beat the markup on it, so it stays out here. Someday it'll go as an impulse buy to fancy wizard or some such." The gnome answered "Really? Good luck with that." Menthos replied "Yes, you however have the look of a man in search of something specific. Perhaps one of these Orichalan ritualistic vertebras removers?" The gnome held up a wicked looking levered spoon device that looked like something a demon would use to clip it's nails with. "I'll pass on that today. I'm looking for some information, no that's not exactly it, I'm looking for a patron." Menthos answers "Ah, a spellcaster you are. I have many fine homunculus creations I could sell you, or perhaps you were looking for something in the naughty tinker bell range?" The gnome suggests "Hey, whatever you're into is okay with me, I'm not here to judge." Menthos replies Menthos' remark brings a frown to the gnome's face, "Well, appears there is nothing I have that you want." "Wrong, there is something you have that I need. I know you have it, I just wish we'd not have to do this dance around the subject before you get a clue and we move on to step two." Menthos answers "Ah, you want the Duergar Ale Chute! I'll get it for you." The gnome states and vanishes before Menthos' eyes. a few moments later, the gnome rematerializes next to Menthos holding funnel with a long ribbed worm-like thing attached to the drain point. "What the hell is that?" Menthos asks "This is what you need. A Duergar Ale Chute! I attached the mohrg's tongue myself. See the cartilage bypasses the gag reflex so that the ale can go straight from mug to stomach without one having to swallow. Plus it's a little permeable so that you can still taste the ale on the way down, but you won't have to waste all that time gulping. I will warn you though, quite a few people have drowned using this item. Although from what I'm told they died with a smile o their face in ale heaven." The gnome tells Menthos "That's tempting, if it only came with a loaded hand crossbow so you could shoot yourself after sticking that in your mouth, I'd be sold on it." Menthos retorts, the gnome holds up a finger as if to say he'd be right back with the hand crossbow. "Stop! I don't want any of these items!" Menthos shouts, "I need a patron, I want to become a warlock!" "Sonny, your in the wrong town then. It's all about spells and books, and more spells here. I don't know what you expected to find in my antique store that would lead you to that path." The gnome answers "Listen twerp." Menthos says grabbing the gnome by the collar of his shirt, "I know you do this, my brother visited you months ago and you set him up. I've got a job to do in the School of Ancient Knowledge, and I think it's in both our interests if we cut with the BS and get down to the you contacting another plane." Menthos demands The gnome eyes Menthos for what seems to drag on for minutes, appearing to size up the mettle of man that Menthos is. *sigh* "What patron do you wish me to call for you?" The gnomes acquiesces "This one." Menthos replies, handing the gnome a slip of papyrus with one name on it. "Pfftt, surely you jest? This is the weakest of all the patrons. Undoubtedly you meant someone more along the lines of Grazz't? Skarn barely registers as an entity and is so unreliable as to not warrant the effort." The gnome replies "No thank you, I'd rather keep my own soul if you don't mind. I like having free will, it keeps me from wanting to come back here and burn this place to the ground." Menthos responds "Well, I'm not doing this for free, so it looks like you're going to be purchasing a Duergar Ale Chute today." The gnome states and begins to light some red and black candles at the rear of the building. "What? It was free earlier this year? And what am I going to do with that thing?" Menthos argues "Times change, constables up their bribe prices, and the Temple of Tinel keeps wanting to take a look at my store." The gnome states "Fine what's the cost and I'll just pay you that in gold and we'll call it a day, I don't want that thing!" Menthos pleads "Oh but, I think you'll need to show you had a great shopping experience when you leave my store. After hours of shopping, do you think the Tinels watching outside will believe you browsed half the day away?" The gnome asks "Fine, but can it be something else?" Menthos asked, understanding the gnome's meaning but not wanting to walk out with the chute. "No, because it just so happens this item costs 171 gold crowns." The gnome replies "So?" Menthos spoke before his brain caught up, Menthos then remember that was the exact contents within his money pouch, "That's a good trick you have there." "No trick at all, merely business." The gnome answers and finishes lighting the candles. Four hours later a weary Menthos exits the broken building carrying a Duergar Ale Chute and wielding an internal fire. "Ew, gross. What in blazes is that disgusting thing?" Kessen inquires "It's a motivation tool for horses. Helps with suppositories and stomach pumping. It's quite amazing actually." Menthos answers, Xanthos nearly leaps from the table. "Calm down, I said horses, not half-asses." Menthos tells Xanthos "Why on earth would you need such a thing to break into the School of Ancient Knowledge?" Haimish inquires "I heard they were into some pretty freaky stuff." Menthos answers to a stunned crowd. Kessen then tells the party about the back alley and the Temple of the Spider on the south side. Turgar and Doopa admit to sleeping for the past six hours, doing exactly what the party hoped they'd do. Xanthos then shifts into the form of a young human boy and sits back down at the table between Haimish and Kessen. "Wow, I can't tell it's fake at all. Good job." Kessen praises "I agree, looks more natural than a swan on Tuesday." Haimish agrees "Centaur look puny now." Doopa argues "Couldn't you have turned into a voluptuous woman instead?" Menthos comments "I am a human male of twelve summers, I have been led to believe this is standard for your their species." Xanthos argues "Yeah, but you look all ratty and dirty. I wouldn't let you in unless you were a hot woman, and that just makes you look plain." Menthos offers his opinion "That is the point, I plan on appealing to their sense of mercy and goodwill. I will knock on the door and plead to gain work to clean some part of their building, once entry has been gained, I shall seek to mistakenly search the lower levels for this gem Haimish needs." Xanthos explains "Well I'd think you'd get more work as a woman." Menthos disagrees "There's something in there." Turgar, who had been staring at Menthos' odd contraption the whole time, states Confused, Menthos peers inside the funnel and spies a golden ring suck near the top of the mohrg attachment. Reaching his hand in, Menthos plucks out the ring. Turning it over in his hand, he can feel the magic course through the small trinket. "You probably just broke the thing." Kessen states "We'll see." Menthos replies "Well, what do we want to do the rest of today?" Turgar asks "Get some sleep, is my vote." Haimish answers "Sounds good." *whistle* Menthos waves over a serving wench, "bring up four pitchers of ale and two pitchers of mead to room number twelve, and tell your boss you'll likely be detained for a while." Menthos grabs the Duergar Ale Chute and heads to his room upstairs. "I say we ditch him now." Turgar comments "No, we need somebody to blame when this thing goes wrong." Kessen answers "I don't think I can wait that long." Turgar replies "Guys, let us focus on the task at hand, think of the references we'll get if we can appease a lord of De' Lite's stature? Menthos may be crass, but he's good with a flank and apparently the only one with thieving skills." Haimish counters, Kessen and Xanthos nod and they head up to their rooms, leaving Doopa and Turgar. Alone, in a bar, where they serve alcohol, and they already dislike each other.... [/QUOTE]
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