The antagonist's work is never done

[Lord Elias]

(please forgive my spelling 1st. I am 29 and lazy w/out spellcheck)


Hail and well met, commoners. I am the DM's best friend. I am the player that a few lucky groups have. I am the one who is secretly evil in a group of good. I am that character who comes up with schemes on the side that keeps games lively. I guess you could call me the subplot.

Here's the deal. I know this is a DM's plot board, but I have grand schemes as well. Like any villian, sometimes they come back to haunt me. Our Forgotten Realms campaign has been deleloping for 2 years now. It has been a good one. I have had many fine schemes, but what I need to figure out now is how to "blow up" the moon. You see, my patron is Shar. I figure that her arch rival, Selune, would suffer great loss if her symbol, the moon, was destroyed. Now, out of game, I know this is far fetched, but in game, it is my life quest.

My character, Lord Elias of Cormyr, is no powergamer mind you. With his mighty stats 11 str, 10 con, 18 dex, 6 wis, 13 int, and 17 cha, he actually started VERY weak. But, he has personality. A pompus scheming noble who takes credit for victories and blames others for defeats.

So, here is my grand scheme, and I need your help sages.

A Halruin Sky Ship + disentegration laser = no moon

Ok, I know it will take a bit more than that, but that moon is only the size of a large gold coin right? Well, thats what he thinks.

Anyway, I was thinking a greater rod of enlargement would push the altitude of the flying ship range quite a bit. Perhaps some giant gemstone to focus the disentegration beam to wipe out the moon?

A villian needs input here...

 

[Hand of Evil]

Sounds like you may want to work with some gnome inventors and magic users. They don't need to know what the tool is for, only that it will change the face of the FR forever. They do not even have to know that others are working on the project.

To me I would say a huge gem would have to be used, special metals mined, a location for the device (top of some mountain).

 

[Justin Case]

I guess this kinda makes you a Moon Unit Zappa, right?

Well, anyway, this is big, really big, your life's goal and it really should have the look and feel of something an evil genius might come up with...so here's a thought...

You line up a series of large magnifying gems that are cocked so as to form a ring. A beam is shot into one of the lenses (which really could be set-up like stonehenge atop K-2) and is 'stepped-up' through continous remagnification through the ring. After a lengthy time, a gem (that is only fractionally away from pointing at the moon) is repositioned to focus on the offending moon and the beam is released...

This could be great! Think about Dr. No. Of course, Dr. No failed, but you're better than him, right?

 

[Skaros]

Get caught!

Then again, your character also has a 6 wisdom (yikes) and a 13 intelligence (just above average), so I wouldn't make it too elaborate.

In fact, you'll absolutely need the luck of finding someone who IS an evil genius, AND happens to be trustworthy if you want the scheme to play out at all.

Otherwise, I'd come up with some hair-brained idea, and then enjoy the humor around the table as the players unravel the doomed scheme.

Remember, you have very little common sense or strategic ability, and your not exactly a genius!

-Skaros

 

[UnDfind]

I know! I know!

Well the lasery thingie is a good idea, but you don't need to actually blow up the moon with it. Just make it powerful enough to write (very large) "All Dragons eat poopies!"

With that done, you can sit back and watch the place go all to hell. And if the moon isn't destroyed when you're done, then you can just write "Dragons still suck" on it. Keep on doing it until all the dragons in the world finally get mad enough to destroy your canvas just so you can't write anything on it anymore.

Oh yeah, insulting their moms works too. And you can also add a few things in about thay's red wizards and gerbils...that might help.

 

[Darklone]

oh uh

Reminds me of that old joke when the secretary of defense rushed to the president and said: The Russians paint the moon red! And the president said: Well, ok, we wait till they are done, fly up there and paint Coca Cola on it!

 

[Dougal DeKree]

...dumdidumdidum...

...the pinky and the brain...
...one is a genius, the other's insane...
...to prove their mousy worth...
...they'd overthrow the *click* - errr, moon.

Why, the two mice have Zillions of plans of destroying the moon in their baseplans. Have you pondered about hypnotising the moon to make it believe that it is no moon actually?

Or tell the dwarves, that the moon is only white since it is dusted, underneath there is the biggest gem on the ...well, moon. then have them transported there and they will dig so long, until the moon collapses. Deed done.

Dougal DeKree, Gnomish Illusionist

 

[Oogar]

Re: I know! I know!

Well the lasery thingie is a good idea, but you don't need to actually blow up the moon with it. Just make it powerful enough to write (very large) "All Dragons eat poopies!"

With that done, you can sit back and watch the place go all to hell. And if the moon isn't destroyed when you're done, then you can just write "Dragons still suck" on it. Keep on doing it until all the dragons in the world finally get mad enough to destroy your canvas just so you can't write anything on it anymore.

Oh yeah, insulting their moms works too. And you can also add a few things in about thay's red wizards and gerbils...that might help.

Thank you, I have not laughed that hard in a while. It is VERY childish, but it struck me sooooo funny just then.