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Message: <blockquote data-quote="devilbat" data-source="post: 2380303" data-attributes="member: 20624">First off, I've been there.  I've heard some very good, and very BAD advice in this thread.  Here are my suggestions.- If you have suggested therapy, and she has rejected the idea, she's done.  Don't whine or beg, don't try to win her back, don't try and do anything and everything to make her happy.  In the end, you'll be the one who hurts.- Get a lawyer ASAP.  Keeping in mind the only ones who win when people fight are the lawyers, and they will happily gobble up any and all available money.  BUT, you need to be protected.  I have seen to many friends get screwed by agreeing to a child payment or alimony figure, without knowing what the state regulations are.  In today's day and age, there is a court regulated, income dependent, child support payment charts.  Find out what you will have to pay.  You will probably have to pay alimony because she hasn't been working outside the home.  The courts will not leave you destitute.- If you are considering going for full custody with primary care and control, I wish you the best of luck.  My experiences are that unless your ex is a drug addicted crack whore, with a violent criminal past, you don't stand a chance.  The court will probably say that the child is better suited with the mother, as she has been the one at home with her, while you were out supporting the family.  Not fair I know, but whoever said life was fair?  A better agreement may be dual custody, with iron clad visitations.  This means that you have a say in all matters (albeit a small one) regarding your child.  Be sure to add a time AND date for all scheduled visits.  Trust me, it wiill help you in the end.- Get your finance in order quickly, and find somewhere to live.  The anger you feel towards your ex will grow quickly and you don't want your child to listen to arguing. - Don't give your ex reasons to make your life miserable.  My dad calls it "kill her with kindness".  Be nice, pleasant, accomidating within reason.  But keep your distance, and do whats best for your child.  Trust me, being nice to someone you hate (and eventually you probably will hate her) is hard, but in the end, she won't be able to sling mud in court if you are always nice.-Lastly, although I could probably go on and on, quit with the "I'll die alone" stuff.  This is simply "poor me" syndrome.  I understand it, and it's natural, but the faster you get over it, the better you will be.  My starter wife was brutal, and i never thought I would get over her. But my second and best wife is amazing, and I don't know how I lived without her previously.The hardest part for me was living without my daughter on a daily basis.  It sucked, and it still does.  Make sure you cherish every minute with her, and you'll get through it.  I have.Good luck.</blockquote>

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