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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Goonalan" data-source="post: 4208436" data-attributes="member: 16069">Dungeon Crawl Classic #3 The Mysterious Tower Level 3-5Turn 101: Practical solutions for the discerning Spellcaster.“Well this is just fecking lovely.” Newt screams while pulling his hair out and butting his head into a rather nice couch.The Gang are stood about in a 70-foot-wide circular space of the most elegant design. The door they entered passed through seems to stand in space, attached to no wall. A staircase leads up a good way, spiralling up the side of the tower.A soft white light illuminates the entire chamber. The room looks like a living area, with a couch, easy chair, table, wardrobe, bed, nightstand, desk, desk chair, and other miscellaneous furnishings. Bookshelves line the walls wherever there is space, and there seem to be hundreds, if not thousands, of books. A well dressed Skeleton sits slumped at the desk.“Balthazhar?” Cas says.“He’s gone.” Anya corrects.“I meant the Skeleton- his remains.”Anya nods back.“Where’s the SOD-IN-TRESH-URR.” Newt continues to butt the couch.“It’s here.” Ala adds and spreads her arms wide to encompass all of the chamber, Anya whispers arcane words, her Detect Magic spell gets working- she too can see the treasures that surround them, although what they do, well that’s another story.The pair are certain that the following items show more than a trace of magical essence; the large wardrobe, the desk- nice piece of mahogany to boot, the lamps on the various tables- all four of them, the bed- four poster, the comfy chair- a little threadbare, and finally one of the larger bookcases.Ala and Anya point at and name each of the items that are magical.Anya can’t help herself, she claps her hands, clearly overjoyed with her new find, she loves the wardrobe, and the bed- it’s to die for, well not literally.“This is all… marvellous.”“You think?” Even Jim’s a little peeved.“Not very portable is it?” Bec adds, or rather detracts.“Still- a place of our own.” Anya mumbles on, claps her hands some more.“What’s she on about?” Bec asks to blank stares.“We should buy a house, in Grimbo.” Anya states, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.“What?” Newt surfaces from shoving his head down the back of the sofa.“Anya reckons we should buy a house.” Jim states.“Why would we want to…” Newt tails off.Bec grins, he likes the idea, “can I have my own room?”“Yes, of course.” Anya states and goes on a tour of her new furniture.“Excellent- can I paint it whatever colour I like?”“Of course.”“Can I have friends round?” Bec ploughs on, while Anya’s in a good mood.“As long as they take their shoes off at the door, and their not too noisy.”Now Bec is clapping.“We’d need a garden.” Jim stares into the distance, remembering a time long gone.“We’re not buying a house, and that’s bloody final.” Newt stamps his foot.“You might not be but I am, and so’s Jim, and Bec, that’s right isn’t it boys?”Bec and then Jim nod.“And Cas, and Ala- if they want to, even you, you grouchy little Gnome, if you want to.” Anya moves swiftly to tickle the end of Newt’s nose.“Oh. Imagine it.” The Mage crushes the Gnome to her bosom, “we could have dinner parties, I could dress up, the good china, nice food, fine wines, perhaps even a servant. Oh imagine it Newt.”Anya releases the Gnome, who was close to suffocating, but not complaining.“Yeah. Doesn’t sound so bad.”“Right then, onwards- to treasure, for the new house.” Newt leads them up the stairs.“How you going to get that lot back?” Jim asks Anya.“Now that’s magic.”“Do you mean a horse and cart?”“Oh the method of transport will be a horse and cart, but how I get the horse and cart in the first place, and the driver- that will be magic.” Anya confirms.“And for magic read a very clingy, low cut, more of a belt than a skirt type of outfit?”“That’s the one. Remember Jim the less there is of the outfit to see, the more there is of me…”Jim grins, charmed, he’s half-pucker when he realises that Anya’s gone.And the Gang are hot-footing it up the stairs led by Newt to see what else there is in the way of furnishings for their future abode.Newt passes into a circular room the same size as the previous one. It appears to be a wizard’s laboratory. The room is strewn with tables, beakers, books, and miscellaneous equipment.There are three 20-by-20 force cages arranged prominently around the room. The one along the west wall holds the second most beautiful woman Newt has ever seen: tall and captivating, with long blonde hair and an almost transparent robe. The force cage along the east wall holds perhaps the only other woman whose beautycould exceed that of the blonde. She is a stunning brunette of tempting proportions.The third force cage, along the south wall, holds a flight of stairs leading up. Beside it, outside the force cage, is a control panel with three buttons.“Oh, thank goodness you’ve come! Please free me! I’ve been trapped here for centuries!” The Blonde starts up but is cut off by the Brunette…“Don’t listen to her! She’s evil! Free me and I’ll tell you how to escape!”“I don’t wanna escape.” Newt drools and looks all googly-eyed, “I wouldn’t mind if one, or perhaps both of you were to escape, at least for a little while.” The Gnome straightens an imaginary tie and hitches his pants up a bit- then gets to thinking, he calls back to his companions.“Don’t come in here- it’s trapped… oh too late.”And sure enough, in the midst of various mimes- combing hair, sniffing armpits, affecting a nonchalant, and yet very available, stance, and many others are the remainder of the Goodman Gang, well at least the males.“Please save me! You don’t know what it’s been like in this tower with this – this – this fiend for all these years!” Cries the Blonde“She’s lying! She’ll lead you to a trap! Let me free!” Counters the Brunette“I’m beginning to enjoy this.” Newt rubs his hands together, “Bec, you wouldn’t go back down and fetch up the couch would you?”Bec’s at stairs.“Hold- clearly one of these hussies is lying and we must decide which… Cas?” Ala stares at the Paladin.“Mmm sorry, I was- they’re hypnotic aren’t they.”“What are?”“Well their jiggling… er jigglies. Bec, that couch?”“Tell me if anything happens.” And with that Bec’s off back down the stairs for the sofa.“See the control panel? Push the far left button. It will free me. I will reward you if you free me!” The Blonde implores.There’s a sudden rush for the control panel, even Bec is on the way to the panel, he obviously didn’t get far down the stairs.“NO! Don’t listen to her! She’ll trap you! Push the middle button. All the others are traps!” The Brunette screams, and jiggles, it has to be said.The adventurers pull up short of the trapped (maybe) control panel, transfixed- by jiggling.“Say that again.” Newt croaks his mouth suddenly very dry.“Get your own couch.” Bec sits on the floor.“No, they’re not traps! The right button lifts the cage on the stairs, and the left button frees me. You can pass up the stairs if you’d like. But please, free me first!” The Blonde offers.“No bother, I’ll check them for traps later.” Newt takes a seat next to Bec.“Don’t fall for it! She’s evil! Only the middle button isn’t a trap!”“Gotcha.” Newt stares on.The two trapped women stop talking.The chamber is suddenly full of the sound of heavy breathing.“Men.” Anya whispers to Ala.“Boys… more like.” Ala confirms.The men, or rather males, continue to gawp at the beautiful women.Who gawp back very aware that they have an audience, none of whom see to be interested in freeing them.The Brunette makes her mind.Winks at the audience and then dances- it has to be said, provocatively.“Free the Brunette.”The call is taken up.“FREE THE JIGGLY ONE.”Newt is in motion and at the control panel.“Remember about the traps.” Bec warns not taking his eyes off the jiggling.“Oh yeah.” Newt remembers.“STOP.” It’s Ala, “not the Brunette, the Blonde- free her.”“Why?” Cas doesn’t look round.“Because she’s telling the truth.”“How do you know?” Cas almost looks round.“Because I can tell when someone is telling the truth Casimir la Frond, always.”Cas looks round, gulps.“Free the Blonde.” He adds.“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.”It gets very jiggly.“Can we wait a while?” Bec asks.“Free her in a bit?” Newt hopes.“Oh bloody men.” Ala stomps over to the control panel and thumps the left button.FZZZITThe force cage around the Blonde figure winks out.“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.”The Brunette doesn’t seem that pleased.POOFAnd is gone only to be replaced by a small demon-like creature, no more than twelve inches high, red- with tiny wings, horns and a barbed tail- a Quasit.“Urrrghh.” Newt is put off.“Close call.” Bec gets up coving his lap with his backpack.“Nice to meet you, I’m Jim.” Jim states and offers his hand to the rescued woman.“Sexist Pig.” Followed by a stinging slap.“Is she a Demon too?” Newt looks to Cas for guidance.“Nope, that’s all woman.”“Nymph, actually.” The released woman, scratch that- Nymph, states.“Cas what’s a Nymph?” Newt asks.“A woodland spirit- of sorts.” Ala states, “they rely on their good looks an awful lot, they say their beauty was gifted to them by the woodland deities.”“Wow.” Jim stares.“To make up for their lack of brains.” Ala finishes.“That’s not very nice- Elf.” The Nymph strolls over to confront Ala, she glides would be more the case.“Sorry, it’s just that… well, you were stuck in there, and I’m out here- rescuing you. Not very bright of you- getting caught.”The Nymph grimaces, then suddenly looks over her shoulder at the assembled men folk, still gawping.The Nymph looks back to Ala- intently, then turns on her heels and strides over to Jim.And snogs the face off him.Ala experiences a lot of emotions in a very short space of time- anger wins the day.But before she can react the Nymph strolls out of the room, down the stairs.“You don’t know what you’re missing girl.”She calls back.There follows a large helping of stunned silence, although Jim suddenly has a very high opinion of himself.“BITCH.” The Quasit screeches.“Ditto.” Ala whispers.“What just happened?” Cas looks mighty confused.Next Turn: “Jean”</blockquote>

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