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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Goonalan" data-source="post: 3566383" data-attributes="member: 16069">Aleso vs The Demon from Hell (or Hull, I forget which).The Lost Boys Vs The Sunless Citadel Aleso vs The Demon from Hell (or Hull, I forget which).Mww MwwThe crying continues, Dartamor sneaks into the room, around the altar- there on the floor is a lone Kobold, a kind of pixie version of a dinosaur, like a Raptor only made of squeakier stuff- they’re weak individually but in a gang… actually they’re still pretty weak.Anyway, back to reality.Mwww MwwTenderly, gently Dartamor reaches down to let the Kobold know he’s here. Alas Aleso spoils the day-“Hold, feeble Kobold Demon of the nine pentangles, fisher of souls, lure of the devil Be-al-zee-bubble.”He clangs in having caught sight of the creature, waving his scimitar around, pushing Dartamor aside.MWAAAARRRRRGGGHHHMeepo, for it is he, leaps to his feet, and is about to go running when Dartamor snakes out an arm and catches him; holds him fast.EEyyyeee OOOyyee YYeeee NeeeeWhich turns out to mean, Dartamor translates in an instance-“Ayeeee. Oiiiii. Yooooo. Nooooo.”The others- Saradomin and Grand Alf wander in to see what all the noise is about.The following conversation takes place with the aid of Dartamor, chief translator. Meepo should be read in a scouse accent- all Kobolds are Scousers, for those across the water (any water), Scousers are the inhabitants of Liverpool and talk a little squeaky-like, go here for a comedy example- <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7VspOs3Qt0&mode=related&search=" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7VspOs3Qt0&mode=related&search=</a>“Ellp me, leuv me onmetod, ow dat pinches.” Meepo struggles at first, Dartamor holds fast. Aleso winds up…“Hold fast scaly demon, though art nought but trailer-trash, sway not towards the hellish stingy wasps of doom, instead tread lightly on the path to redemption. HAVE YOU SEEN THE LIGHT?”Meepo understands none of this but is mesmerised by Aleso’s sonorous voice. Dartamor translates.“Stay thuz. You’re nowt but… skip it. Firkin about wasps… stingy. Don’t corky and chalk ed de grass. Where’s de light switch?”Aleso continues at a gamble, “THOU SCUMBLE VARMINT HOLD FAST WHILST I DELIVER THEE FROM SINNINGNESSNESS.”Dartamor looks at Aleso hard, “No. There’s nowt worth repeat'n thuz. Anyroad, i’m Dartamor- oo ay yous?”Meepo yelps- “Meepo.” Happy to oblige.Dartamor continues at a happy pace, grabs Meepo’s hand and pumps it hard.“Nice ter meet yous Meepo, I’m Dartamor, de tin can’s Aleso, ignore 'im- most o' de time we do, oh and stand behind 'im whun 'e’s fight'n, it’s like a thresh'n machine whun 'e gets go'n.”Grand Alf and Saradomin wander over, Grand Alf tips his hat at Meepo, all nine-yards of it, Meepo looks up, and up, and up at the Wizard.“Is thuz snow ed it?”Dartamor translates, “He wants to know Grand Alf, is there snow on the top of your hat?”Grand Alf harrumphs and wanders off- Saradomin goes down on one knee and offers Meepo a sandwich, “Beef paste… good eatin’”Meepo goes to take a bite, hesitates, sniffs once, twice- shakes his head. “Fishy”Dartamor laughs, “he says it’s ‘Fishy’”Saradomin wanders off with Grand Alf to look at the cage, it’s fairly large and bent out of shape, whatever was in it is now out it.“Ask him what’s this about?”Grand Alf nudges his head through the gap in the bars, a light dusting of snow sprinkles down onto the point of his hat. Meepo chuckles.Dartamor continues his interrogation, “What’s de cage fe?”“Cooooooooorrrrrnnnnflakes.”The others turn round at the wail.Aleso, who’s been looking confused- he could win competitions for it, loses it. “PELOR BE BLESSED SHUT THE MONGREL UP AND THEN GET HIM TO TELL US WHO THIS BEDAMNED CORNFLAKES IS, OR I WILL BE FORCED TO…”A grinding noise as a door opens in the north of the room, three more, heavily armed- sharpened sticks mainly, Kobolds saunter out, they crouch in combat stance- prod the air.“Come ed dun.” “Ave’ it.” “Yer lewkin’ at me?” Dartamor sighs, “I believe they have taken issue with you Aleso. They’re enquiring as to whether or not you ‘want some?’”“Are they mocking me- ‘want some’ what? Are they collecting for something? Tell them to put their sticks down; someone could have an eye out.”Dartamor translates, “Put de sticks down lads, de tin can’s not fe fight'n.”Meepo stops stunned, a little light bulb appears above his head, or it would do if they’d been invented. He dashes in front of Aleso, protecting him from the Kobold menace.“Leuv 'im, like. 'E’s not worth it. Dee tinnie ellp us- find Cornflakes…”Enlightenment hits the three Kobold guards in a flash… actually it takes about 2-3 minutes for the last of them to get it. The Lost Boys sit around while the Kobold guards work out what Meepo is proposing- the boldest steps forward, to make certain.“So… Dem get Cornflakes… Dem duz… Get Cornflakes… Dem… Get im… Fe us… Cornflakes.” Whipbang Smallpox Grumblepants has been a Kobold guard for all his adult life- about six months and counting, he’s probably the cleverest. “Dem dere… Get Cornflakes… Fe us.”Dartamor translates, as usual, “They want us to fetch, or find, or something, someone called… Cornflakes.”Meepo stops eating his Magic Smash sandwich- Grand Alf has a heart it appears, spitting peanuts he replies, “Yefff.”He concludes, “taykff fffem touf Ysdryalfff”, peanuts everywhere, mostly on Aleso’s nice new armour.“Spawn of Satan, you shall pay dearly for the dismarking of my armourous protectage of truth, lead us to this Ysdrayl and I shall make forth unto brokering… agreement, be warned… thou villainous, scurvy… scurvy… what was I saying?”Dartamor fills in, “I kun it’s a cliché but- take me ter yer leader”, and for the others, “Take me to your leader.”Aleso nods heartily, alas (for the DM) Grand Alf and Saradomin have other ideas.“What’s behind that door there, in the passage, the one that’s locked?”A line of Kobolds shrug, in unison. Meepo mumbles something.“What did he say?” Grand Alf enquires.Dartamor’s mouth is agape, he looks at Aleso, then at Meepo, shuts his mouth, shakes his head, then bows it- defeated, “he said a demon.”HALLELUJAH HALLELUJAHAleso drops to his knees, clasps his hands in prayer, face to the sky, actually grufty ceiling-“Thank you Pelor, thou hast favoured me once more, fear not for yours is the glory, and mine a little, I will slay this foul beast of the nether parts, actually quite a lot, I will run him through, of the glory, sever his gizzard, or gizzard-like appendage, is mine, I will snaffle his goiter, ram his chuff right up… RIGHT UP HIS ALLEY.”Aleso jumps to his feet and shadow boxes for a while.“In the zone. In the zone. You’re ready for this. You can take him… just a demon. Left-Right. Left-Right. Shield. Chop. In the zone.”He winks at Dartamor, “get the door.”Dartamor shakes his head, downcast, trails out to the door- the Kobold guards crane to see where he’s going, spot him tinkering with the door… and run. Meepo crawls back into his sleeping rag-pile and cries quietly.Mwwww MwwwThirty seconds later the door grinds open, it’s not been opened in a while, a little rusty at the bottom. Inside a tiny chamber is a barrel… of sorts, there are pipes going into it and out of it.BBBBllllubbbbbbLLLIt talks, Aleso shoves Dartamor aside, leans in, places his ear to the barrel…BBBBlllubbbbllLL“Oh you beauty.”He cranes up to the top of the barrel.“There’s a bung.”“Nooooooooooo”, in unison.FFFWWWUNGToo late, bung in hand, Aleso stands on tippy-toes to see in.BBBLLLLUUBBBBLLLBBBLLBLLBLLBLLLL.Then nothing.Some more nothing.Thwong.Aleso thumps the guard of his Scimitar into the barrel.Nothing.And some more.Aleso steps back, the others know its wrong but are mesmerised, down on the floor, back in the previous room, Meepo crawls round the altar and watches… with one eye shut, and his hand over his nose.Nothing.KKKEEERRRRChungAn armoured Aleso leg kicks the barrel.WAWAWAWAWAWA.It wobbles back and forth.Nothing.Aleso turns to leave, “You said…”SQQQQQWWWWIIIRRRRTTTPOPPPPPppppp.A little blue demon (ahem, Water Mephit) squeezes its way out, it flutters its liquid wings once or twice, hovering above the barrel. The adventurers turn to stare.“Breathtaking…”“Beau…”BBBBBBRRRRRRRBBBBBRRRRRA rasping farting sound followed by a tiny jet of sea green gas, the cloudy quickly spreads filling the corridor.“Cuthbert save me now…”But he doesn’t, Saradomin hits the deck like a side beef, with a meaty slap- out cold.Dartamor stumbles, then tumbles and is out of the sulphurous stink, choking.Grand Alf jumps back- into a wall, knocking his wizard’s hat over his eyes. He rights himself quickly mutters arcane words of magic…“BiffBangPOw”Ahem, sorry about that it seems the more common magic incantations are trademarked, as I say- sorry.A Magic Missile leaps from his hand and… SPLOOOOOOOSH… Into the demons midriff, causing a ripple effect, the creature becomes a liquid blue squiggle in the air, just enough time… SWWWOOOOOP…For Aleso to grab it in his mailed fist and…SLUUURRRPJam it back in the barrel…FWUNGGGGG…And ram the cork back in.Aleso beams, obliterating the fact that he released the creature from his mind in an instant, he looks around. Saradomin is coming too- he’s kinda green looking, Dartamor is dry heaving in a corner, Grand Alf is wiping his eyes frantically with his robe, they’re streaming with tears.“Job done.”The Paladin strides back into Meepo’s room.He has recently acquired the ability to speak Draconic…“HEEELLLLOOOOOW. I. YES I. ME… I AM YOUR FRIEND. Well I don’t mean friend, we’ve just met, I barely know you, I mean… Where was I? WHHOOOOOO? I MEAN WHOOOOO? WHHOOOO? WHOOO IS THIS CORRRR-NN-FLLLLAYY-KS WE HAAAAVE TO GET? WHOOO?”“Dragon.” Meepo proudly states.Dartamor staggers into the room,“He said…”“Yes, I got that.” Aleso, for perhaps the first time ever, looks worried.Next time… more of the same, a meeting with Ysdrayl, think Cilla Black, only less… No, just Cilla Black.If you don’t know who Cilla Black is then go here- <a href="http://images.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/41147000/jpg/_41147972_cilla_pa_416.jpg&imgrefurl=http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/in_pictures/4549050.stm&h=300&w=416&sz=36&hl=en&start=1&tbnid=PACLILvL5yzoxM:&tbnh=90&tbnw=125&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dcilla%2Bblack%26gbv%3D2%26svnum%3D10%26hl%3Den" target="_blank">http://images.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/41147000/jpg/_41147972_cilla_pa_416.jpg&imgrefurl=http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/in_pictures/4549050.stm&h=300&w=416&sz=36&hl=en&start=1&tbnid=PACLILvL5yzoxM:&tbnh=90&tbnw=125&prev=/images?q=cilla+black&gbv=2&svnum=10&hl=en</a>Tell me she’s not a Kobold Sorceress…Scouse translator courtesy of- <a href="http://www.whoohoo.co.uk/main.asp" target="_blank">http://www.whoohoo.co.uk/main.asp</a>I lived in Anfield for a while, nice place, best thing about it… easy, the people.</blockquote>

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