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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Goonalan" data-source="post: 3632372" data-attributes="member: 16069">Turn 3.3“Gnome on the range.”Back to the others, that’s Aleso, Dartamor, Meepo and his skeletal steed Rattler.Meepo’s back riding Rattler; he has a new trophy, a set of Goblin ears hacked off the corpse in the previous room. He arrives at the latest crash-site, and sets to hacking more ears off the burned Goblin husks, he meets with partial success. He strings them on a piece of raggedy twine and hangs the ghastly thing around his neck.Aleso looks on, disgusted.“Ewww. Barbaric. He’s very dirty. I SAID YOU’RE VERY DIRTY.”Aleso stands hands on hips gurning at Meepo.Meepo grins and waves back.“Bloody savage.” Aleso stomps off.Dartamor springs the metal door he spotted previously, it was locked as well as barred- the two adventurers make ready.EEEERRRRRRRWWWWIt creaks open, the paladin brings light- inside the chamber four foul and beaten Kobolds languish, chained to the walls, in the centre a cage, a two foot cube of metal bars, inside of which is Jerky Timbers, a naked Gnome, he spots his saviours- feebly motions and then passes out.“Quickly by the light of Pelor save him.”Aleso rushes in and gets all mumsy.Five minutes later and order is resumed, the Kobolds are free as is the unconscious Gnome; he has a story to tell but not now it seems. Aleso caries him easily, the Gnome’s as light as a feather, now wrapped in stinking, and bloody, Goblin clothes.The poor guy is out cold, no amount of healing will wake him now, magic can’t replace sleep, and the hurts he has suffered run deep.“We should take him back- to the Kobolds.”Aleso bites a lip, nods.“By the power of Pelor you’re right; he has been much abused by THESE VILE ACCURSED SCHEMERS IN FILTH.”He barks the last part at the smoking charred Goblin remains, none of them rise to the bait, what with them being very dead and all.Aleso passes the Gnome over to Dartamor.“Have a care stealthy one this child of the low-hills has much to tell us I think, may Pelor watch over him- spill the light of life into his blackened and bruised soul.”Dartamor nods, “if you like”, Aleso’s a bit much at times.“Yeah, right- I’ll get him back then.”Meepo and his mount totter over.“Me cum ‘ed. Me cum ‘ed.”It seems Meepo’s missing home too.“Tek dem ome.”Meepo points at the four ex-prisoner Kobolds, he straightens up, as best he can, tucks his thumbs into an imaginary waistcoat, puffs out his chest- the pride of the Kobolds, he’s expecting a heroes welcome.Dartamor translates.“I’ll go with Meepo and the others- take the Kobolds and the Gnome back, he needs some rest… Where the bloody hell is Saradomin when you need him, and that rat Grand Alf? I’ll see these fellers home.”He gathers the Kobolds together. Aleso strides over and takes charge, pretty soon the Kobolds line up- in pairs, holding hands; like some demented, and very short, school line.“See you in a bit then.”Dartamor and his charges head off.Aleso nods, the gaggle heads for the door leaving Aleso alone. Alone.“Hang on. Will you be safe?”“What?” Dartamor queries.“On your own, without a warrior- should I come with you?”Dartamor figures it out.“No. Wait a minute.”He whispers in Meepo’s ear, he has to get Rattler to put him down to do so.Meepo nods back.“Rattler, stay ere wid paladin, gard ‘im well- smash bugger wot ‘it ‘im.”Rattler moves to stand next to Aleso, Aleso shies away- unsure, the skeleton follows; this goes on for a little while.“Aleso. Aleso- stop still. You need to look after Rattler, guard him well- Meepo’s leaving him here with you, make sure no-one, no-one that is, gets hurt. Understand?” Dartamor explains.Aleso nods, steps away again, his skeleton shadow follows. “Ok, hurry back.”They head off leaving Rattler and Aleso alone, the skeleton turns to observe the paladin, a trick of the light but you’d swear he’s grinning. Aleso gulps- looks back, too late the others are well gone.“Watch the door.” He points the way.Rattler slowly turns, follows Aleso’s gesture, stares hard at the door, then turns back to grin at the paladin- clacks his teeth together once or twice biting the air.Time passes- warning the section below contains lots of Draconic speechifying.A little while later the Von Trapp family- Dartamor, Meepo, four Kobolds (Dayv, De, Dowzi, Myk) and the titchy Gnome- Jerky Timbers arrive back at Hamfield, home of the Kobold Queen, Isdrayl.They’re greeted with low-fives, and whoops of joy, sorta.“All-ryt. All-ryt.” x100’s.In the scrum Dartamor takes a moment to find a safe place to lay the Gnome to rest, away from Kobold eyes and tread.The Kobolds yap their approval, reclaim their lost brothers-in-arms, a sea of smiles, Meepo it seems is going up in the world- he takes the plaudits, displaying for all to see his necklace of mostly frazzled Goblin ears.A silence falls as Isdrayl parts the crowd.“Yous 'uv retned victorious? Cornflakes?”Dartamor speaks up.“Nah. Not yet. But deez ay an offering- a sign o' sound as a pound faith.”He gestures to the returnees.Isdrayl looks less pleased than he expected. She taps her foot, and then spies the elegant selection of charred Goblin lugholes. She pointedly stares at the beautiful jewellery. Meepo gets the message, it takes a moment, and three nudges from Dartamor. The dragon-keeper crawls forward and offers up, with a tear in his eye, the wondrous necklace. Isdrayl gently lifts it up, admires its chic, and places it on.“Ta.”The Kobold guards nod with enthusiasm- it suits her, and in an instant Meepo is forgotten, Isdrayl has won the day- with the spoils the victory it seems.“Yous may select two prizes fe yo… prize...”She scuttles over to the altar, the gaggle, lead by Dartamor, follows behind.On display are a number of items, Isdrayl doesn’t even look at the key.“Ternight Dartamor yous tinnie chose from a selection o' sound artefacts- there’s this magic feather wi' a squiggle ed, if that’s wa' tickles yer fancy... BUM BUM.”The Kobold guards feign laughter. Isdrayl goes on.“A scroll wid strange squiggly writ'n ed...”She holds the scroll for all to see- a patter of applause. Gingerly places it down again, not wanting to disturb the mighty magics.“Anuvver scroll wid more strange squiggly writ'n ed.” She shows it off again, a much reduced patter of applause, a stifled yawn.“A flask o' magic elixir which may tirn yous into an invulnerable 'ero, er it could make yer barnet glow in de dark…”She displays the flask, no applause.“And anuvver bit o' chuffin linun, sorry 'bout dat scroll, wid squiggly writin’ ed...”Again this is displayed. Silence except the shuffling of feet- bored.“Yous may chewse two items as yer reward, one fe de retn o' me bruv warriors, and one fe me custy necklace...”Silence descends. Kobolds turn to stare at Dartamor.Dartamor frowns, his eyes haven’t left the Dragon Key, he decides.“De key...”Isdrayl remains calm.“De key is not ed offer, yous need ter rescue mighty Cornflakes ter get de key. Chewse again .”The crowd fidget.Dartamor frowns some more, checks the odds, there are dozens (two) of Kobolds.“Or'rite tell me whuz de god-forbids 'uv gone- de uvver advent'n ruv?”“Ay don’t think you’ve beun listening- dat information is unavailable at this time, now pick. ”Isdrayl shoots out an arm to point again at the selection of possible prizes.“I’ll take de feather… and a scroll.”She cradles the feather as if it is made of precious stuff, hops skips and dances over to Dartamor like the eye-candy on a game-show, places it gently in his hand. Dartamor stuffs it inside his jerkin. Isdrayl sashays back to the altar, fans her hand across the scrolls.“Which one would yous like?”“Yous pick.”   She grits her teeth, this is going less well.“I think this one.”She picks a random scroll; Saradomin will, a little later, identify it as “Faerie Fire”, and, with the same rigmarole as before, carries it to the slightly miffed Dartamor. He grabs it, stuffs it away. Isdrayl grabs his hand, attempts to place an arm around his shoulders, settles for his waist, and manoeuvres Dartamor round so the tableau faces her audience, they can see the show. She pumps his hand.Odd Kobolds clap, some with enthusiasm- those in Isdrayl’s line of sight particularly, others half-heartedly, somewhat confused by the spectacle.She ushers Dartamor back through the crowd towards the exit, noticing there the recumbent Gnome, Jerky Timbers- Dartamor had earlier placed him on the ground. She also manages a sly kick at Meepo en route.“Who’s this?” “He’s not well- de goblins 'ad 'im prisoner wi' yer warriors.” “Ahhh.” She turns to the crowd.“AHHHH.” They join in.“Leuv 'im wi' us, we’ll find somewhuz warm and comfy fe 'im.” Isdrayl licks her lips.Dartamor suddenly doesn’t look so sure.“Perhaps ay should take 'im back, y’know, see de priest… see if 'e…” “No, 'e’ll be Peti e'yer, 'e tinnie stay fe scran.” Isdrayl scans the crowd which in an instant grows spears- closes in a little.“And whun yous br'n Cornflakes yous tinnie 'uv 'im back… and yer precious key.” Dartamor scans the salivating Kobold faces.“You’re not gonna…”“What?” Isdrayl demurely murmurs.“Y’know… <GULP> You’re not gonna eat ‘im.”Isdrayl looks shocked. “Nah. Nah. No… Besides thuz wouldn’t be E-blewdy-nuff fe everybody.”Silence reigns.“The Dragon. Cornflakes, br'n 'im ter us.”Isdrayl steps back then punts Meepo towards Dartamor.“And take this one wi' yous.”Dartamor and Meepo depart.Time passesBack on the front-line, Aleso and Rattler seem to be getting on.“So I said to him, that’s not my wife that’s a cow with a leprechaun stuck up its backside…”Aleso rumbles into laughter, slaps his thigh like a pantomime hero, wipes his eyes.“Leprechaun stuck up its backside… D’you get it?”Rattler stares on unmoved. Aleso goes all serious.“It’s my moustache isn’t it? Isn’t it? Go on… you can say.”He looks at Rattler, pleadingly, gently sobs and fingers the space where is splendiferous ‘tache once lived.ERRRrrrrrrrrr. The far door grinds open.“So I ses tha’s not me wyffe, tha’s a bluddy cow wid a leprykorn stook upits bhakkpassuge.”The Goblin comes to a halt, rumbles into laughter, slaps his thigh like a pantomime hero, and wipes his eyes. The other three Goblins don’t even break a smile, they’re looking straight past their colleague to the burnt offering and beyond the shiny ‘uman and the skelly-bob.“Ger’UM.”Here they come.Aleso scrambles, nods at Rattler draws his scimitar and issues his orders.“Rattler- slay the fiendish fiends of… oh get ‘em.”Rattler turns and stares at the charging Goblins, turns back to stare at the paladin, grins- bites the air. Two of the Goblins are over the crenulated wall in an instant, approaching fast, the other two are midways over, they’ll be there in a moment.Aleso stands statue staring at Rattler, Rattler is content to grin back.“Pelor. Whose side are you on?”Then the Goblins arrive.Next- “Aleso vs. the mighty, eight-armed, fire-breathing, Goblin-Demons.”</blockquote>

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