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<blockquote data-quote="Goonalan" data-source="post: 3851682" data-attributes="member: 16069"><p>Why thank you kind sir.</p><p></p><p>And on it goes, like a runnaway train...</p><p></p><p>Turn 6.2 Goblin Science 101</p><p></p><p>Five minutes later, Grand Alf sports a pair of white long-johns stencilled on the buttocks of which are the words “girl bait” with an arrow pointing round to the groin area, the Lost Boys meanwhile are exploring their new surroundings.</p><p></p><p>“Where do you think that goes?”</p><p>Dartamor opens a stone door, beyond is a dark and wet passage, no signs of life.</p><p>“It looks empty.” Jerky concurs.</p><p></p><p>Back in the centre of the chamber Saradomin is rifling through Balsag’s goodies, the creature’s Morningstar looks to be of excellent quality.</p><p></p><p>“See if you can hit anything with that.”</p><p></p><p>He hands the weapon over to Aleso, who grimaces and holds his head; he’s still a little woozy after his brief bout of unconsciousness.</p><p></p><p>“Pelor strike you down.” He mutters.</p><p>“What was that?” Saradomin enquires.</p><p>“I said blessed be the cheese-makers.” The Paladin glares at the Priest.</p><p>“What? You loon.”</p><p></p><p>The two square up to each other.</p><p></p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p></p><p>Bump chests.</p><p></p><p>“YEAH.”</p><p>“YEAH.”</p><p></p><p>They’re in each others faces.</p><p></p><p>And they really have nowhere left to go.</p><p></p><p>“Grrrr.” Saradomin growls.</p><p>“Rrrrr.” Aleso snarls.</p><p></p><p>“I’m going to check out the other door.” Dartamor wanders over, past the snarling religious types, Jerky comes to a halt aghast at the holy men’s antics, the two immediately break from their clinch, adopt more relaxed poses.</p><p></p><p>“Oh right, do be careful.” Aleso offers and waves.</p><p>“Give us a shout if you spot anything nasty wont you.” Saradomin adds.</p><p></p><p>Dartamor wanders over to the other door.</p><p></p><p>“Now where were we?” Saradomin asks.</p><p>“I think you were about to push me.” Aleso confirms.</p><p></p><p>Saradomin pushes the Paladin, who shoves back.</p><p></p><p>The two square up again.</p><p></p><p>“Grrrr.” Aleso growls.</p><p>“Rrrrr.” Saradomin snarls.</p><p></p><p>“Hey there’s a load of weapons in here.” Grand Alf shouts, and then appears from Balsag’s lair, a rough cave cut into the side of the chamber. </p><p></p><p>“Oo.” Aleso scrambles to get there.</p><p>“Wait for me.” Saradomin rushes off.</p><p></p><p>The pair push, shove and attempt to trip each other up as they rush into Balsag’s lair, only to discover a rag-tag collection of swords and blades, the trophies of the Bugbear’s previous victims.</p><p></p><p>They scramble through the weapons like old folk at a jumble sale, fighting each other for the best of the bunch.</p><p></p><p>Grand Alf sneaks off and rifles the two rat’s nests he found earlier, nobodies watching, he makes off with lots of gold and silver, muttering as he shuffles back into the central chamber.</p><p></p><p>“I’m rich I tell ya. Rich. I’m gonna get a new dress, and some beads, and maybe some curling tongs, I’ve got good legs, like a skellington, don’t mess with me, I’m the Archie-Mage, or whatever it’s called…”</p><p></p><p>“Hey you guys, take a look at this.”</p><p></p><p>Dartamor appears, whispering loudly, and leads them off to the second door, which is now open.</p><p></p><p>“Listen.”</p><p></p><p>ZzzzzzzzSNAWZzzzzzz</p><p></p><p>And…</p><p></p><p>Squelch-squelch-squelch-squelch.</p><p></p><p>“Close the door, I’ve got a plan.” Saradomin grins, Dartamor does as he’s told- the Lost Boys move away, back into the centre of the chamber and to the body of Balsag, lead by Saradomin.</p><p></p><p>“Dartamor, give me the Magic Whistle, and don’t bother lying I know you’ve got it- I’ve got an idea forming in my head…” The Priest of St. Cuthbert looks down at the sprawled body of Balsag.</p><p></p><p>“ “</p><p></p><p>Saradomin blows the whistle, nothing happens for a moment and then the Bugbear sits up, then slowly stands.</p><p></p><p>“Yeth Marthter.”</p><p></p><p>Balsag turns to face Saradomin, who’s doing a little jig and singing.</p><p></p><p>“Sa-ra-do-min, Sa-ra-do-min, Tin-Can-Sa-ra-do-min,</p><p>Eez got nah song 'cos 'is names tew long,</p><p>Tin-Can-ShOwTee-Sa-ra-do-min."</p><p></p><p>Aleso shakes his head and tuts a while, “It’s an abomination, a bloody abomination- where’s mine that’s what I want to know?”</p><p></p><p>Jerky wanders over to Saradomin.</p><p></p><p>“Is this really appropriate? Surely you can see that ethically you’re on dodgy ground bringing this foul creature back to unlife?”</p><p>“Jealous.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You’re just jealous because I’ve got a Bugbear and you’ve not.”</p><p>“It’s not that… I’m not jealous, what about the tenants of your faith? Our faith?”</p><p>“St. Cuthbert made me do it.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I said St. Cuthbert made me do it, I’m the thingy of St. Cuthbert… the whatsit.”</p><p>“What whatsit?”</p><p>“The tool, no that’s not it… utensil, that’s it.”</p><p>“The utensil of St. Cuthbert?”</p><p>“Yeah, sort of, like a spoon.”</p><p>“Like a what?”</p><p>“Spoon.”</p><p>“You’re the Spoon of St. Cuthbert?”</p><p>“Yeah, whatever… Jealous.”</p><p></p><p>Jerky looks aghast, “You’re the Spoon of St. Cuthbert, I just want to get this right?”</p><p>“Probably”, Saradomin shrugs, “he moves within me… in mysterious ways.” The Priest adopts a spooky-ish pose.</p><p></p><p>“You’re mad.” Jerky concludes.</p><p>“Ha madness is just a form of genius… or religious fervour, I’m the… hang on lets do this properly.”</p><p></p><p>Saradomin sinks to his knees, palms pressed together praying, eyes to heaven- actually he stands bathed in the halo of light from the hole above, very dramatic.</p><p></p><p>“St. Cuthbert who works within me, for I am your Divine Ladle,</p><p>I carry your faith within me like… like soup, in a spoon.</p><p>The journey betwixt bowl and lip is fretted with terrible hazard,</p><p>Bread buns, people nudging your elbow, and condiments.</p><p>Just like our journey, except the bread buns are Kobolds,</p><p>And there’s a big Bugbear nudging at my elbow, and… condiments.</p><p>Oh mighty St. Cuthbert show me a sign of your faith in me,</p><p>If I should not take this foul beast into service then strike him dead this instant…”</p><p></p><p>This last bit delivered with menace, and volume, with finger pointing straight at a bemused looking Zombiefied Balsag.</p><p></p><p>Nothing happens.</p><p></p><p>“However, if you believe my path is true then give some clear indication,</p><p>Say ‘Aye’ great St. Cuthbert, make it clear so all can see that my cause is…”</p><p></p><p>BWOM</p><p></p><p>Grand Alf, who has so far risen above the religious bickering, smashes his spade into the back of the Bugbears skull.</p><p></p><p>POP</p><p></p><p>One of the creature’s eyes shoots out; Jerky catches it, instinctively, and then drops it- slimy.</p><p></p><p>“Aye. Now let’s get on.” Grand Alf states and wanders over to the door.</p><p></p><p>“So there.” Saradomin follows the Sorcerer, “I shall call him Bernard.” The Bugbear follows after, “Yeth Marthter.”</p><p></p><p>“What happened?” Dartamor enquires.</p><p>“Not certain.” Jerky replies.</p><p>“An abomination, a bloody abomination… I’m getting the next one.” Aleso runs after the others.</p><p></p><p>EEEEeeeeeeeRRRrrr</p><p></p><p>Dartamor opens the door again, torches light the chamber ahead, it extends a way, there’s a jumble of tables all crowded with… well, junk, and the remains of plants. Pillars, once again carved with dragons, although all badly stained and damaged, form an avenue through the chamber. Either side are doors, exits to other chambers, many ajar, three pairs in total.</p><p></p><p>From the left.</p><p></p><p>ZzzzzzzzSNAWZzzzzzz</p><p></p><p>And from the right.</p><p></p><p>Squelch-squelch-squelch-squelch.</p><p></p><p>“Shhh. Back in a moment.”</p><p></p><p>Dartamor sneaks forward to the door on the left, from which the sound of snoring is heard.</p><p></p><p>Turns back to look at the others, “Shhh- ready”, he whispers.</p><p></p><p>Saradomin nods.</p><p></p><p>FwwwwWACK</p><p></p><p>Dartamor pushes the door open, swiftly discovers it doesn’t open that way, and just as swiftly wrenches it back towards him, perfect, except for the part where he gets out of the way of the door. He smashes the door into his face, goes to scream, holds it in and then hops about a bit with his hand clamped over his mouth.</p><p></p><p>“Shhhhh.”</p><p></p><p>A collective susurrus from the remainder of The Lost Boys, witness to the scene.</p><p></p><p>Dartamor shakes his head, acknowledging the need to stay silent.</p><p></p><p>ZzzzzzzzSNAWZzzzzzz</p><p></p><p>Thank Pelor whatever lies within is still sleeping.</p><p></p><p>Dartamor removes his hand from his mouth, his scream stifled, grins at the assembled on-lookers and then hops back into a table loaded with pot plants, the entire thing collapses.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like the end of the world.</p><p></p><p>“Shhhhhugar Puffs.”</p><p></p><p>In the chamber ahead two Goblins roll out of bed, heft clubs and rush over to the door and through, poised standing over the sprawling Rogue.</p><p></p><p>From the first door on the right two more of the creatures come rushing out, they’re wearing shorts, one is armed with a shortened oar, the other with, appropriately, a large ladle.</p><p></p><p>A third door opens, the second on the right, work it out, I’m not drawing you a picture and another pair of Goblins step out of the chamber- strange, they’re wearing lab coats, actually cut up white sheets with buttons sewn on the front. One has a line of twigs peeking out of a breast pocket- all of the twigs are exactly the same length, and has a length of rope knotted at his neck and hanging down like a pendulum, the other is wearing a chef’s hat. </p><p></p><p>“What’s 'a' din? Wea'ar int' middle o' eur reeight serious experiment, we require absolute silence ta fettle, if wee measurements are off, even by eur bit, it could be disastrous fert subject.”</p><p></p><p>In translation-</p><p></p><p>“What’s that noise? We are in the middle of a very serious experiment, we require absolute silence to work, if our measurements are off, even by a bit, it could be disastrous for the subject.”</p><p></p><p>The speaker has stencilled on the front of his lab coat, “Dr. Neyow.”</p><p></p><p>“'n then we will av ta ea' 'im. Mmmmm.”</p><p></p><p>In translation-</p><p></p><p>“And then we will have to eat him. Mmmmm.”</p><p></p><p>The one with the Chef’s hat has, “Dr. Ooo”, stencilled on the front of his lab coat.</p><p></p><p>“Charge?”</p><p></p><p>Saradomin offers, unsure. He looks around for support and then makes his move.</p><p></p><p>“Kill Bernard. Kill.”</p><p></p><p>The Goblins react instantly, the two standing over Dartamor rain down blows on the Rogue, he struggles to get clear of the pair, hit on his arm and his leg, both areas instantly go numb.</p><p></p><p>Saradomin and Bernard (the Bugbear) get about two feet further into the chamber and then.</p><p></p><p>FUNG</p><p></p><p>Get wedged against each other- stuck in the doorway, the pair of Goblins in shorts rush over to engage them, they’re sitting ducks- stuck.</p><p> </p><p>“Will you get out of the way… I can’t hold it… I can’t hold it.”</p><p></p><p>Grand Alf hops from foot to foot repeating his mantra, he wants, more than anything, to own a lab coat.</p><p></p><p>Next Turn: Goblin Biology 101.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Goonalan, post: 3851682, member: 16069"] Why thank you kind sir. And on it goes, like a runnaway train... Turn 6.2 Goblin Science 101 Five minutes later, Grand Alf sports a pair of white long-johns stencilled on the buttocks of which are the words “girl bait” with an arrow pointing round to the groin area, the Lost Boys meanwhile are exploring their new surroundings. “Where do you think that goes?” Dartamor opens a stone door, beyond is a dark and wet passage, no signs of life. “It looks empty.” Jerky concurs. Back in the centre of the chamber Saradomin is rifling through Balsag’s goodies, the creature’s Morningstar looks to be of excellent quality. “See if you can hit anything with that.” He hands the weapon over to Aleso, who grimaces and holds his head; he’s still a little woozy after his brief bout of unconsciousness. “Pelor strike you down.” He mutters. “What was that?” Saradomin enquires. “I said blessed be the cheese-makers.” The Paladin glares at the Priest. “What? You loon.” The two square up to each other. “Yeah.” “Yeah.” Bump chests. “YEAH.” “YEAH.” They’re in each others faces. And they really have nowhere left to go. “Grrrr.” Saradomin growls. “Rrrrr.” Aleso snarls. “I’m going to check out the other door.” Dartamor wanders over, past the snarling religious types, Jerky comes to a halt aghast at the holy men’s antics, the two immediately break from their clinch, adopt more relaxed poses. “Oh right, do be careful.” Aleso offers and waves. “Give us a shout if you spot anything nasty wont you.” Saradomin adds. Dartamor wanders over to the other door. “Now where were we?” Saradomin asks. “I think you were about to push me.” Aleso confirms. Saradomin pushes the Paladin, who shoves back. The two square up again. “Grrrr.” Aleso growls. “Rrrrr.” Saradomin snarls. “Hey there’s a load of weapons in here.” Grand Alf shouts, and then appears from Balsag’s lair, a rough cave cut into the side of the chamber. “Oo.” Aleso scrambles to get there. “Wait for me.” Saradomin rushes off. The pair push, shove and attempt to trip each other up as they rush into Balsag’s lair, only to discover a rag-tag collection of swords and blades, the trophies of the Bugbear’s previous victims. They scramble through the weapons like old folk at a jumble sale, fighting each other for the best of the bunch. Grand Alf sneaks off and rifles the two rat’s nests he found earlier, nobodies watching, he makes off with lots of gold and silver, muttering as he shuffles back into the central chamber. “I’m rich I tell ya. Rich. I’m gonna get a new dress, and some beads, and maybe some curling tongs, I’ve got good legs, like a skellington, don’t mess with me, I’m the Archie-Mage, or whatever it’s called…” “Hey you guys, take a look at this.” Dartamor appears, whispering loudly, and leads them off to the second door, which is now open. “Listen.” ZzzzzzzzSNAWZzzzzzz And… Squelch-squelch-squelch-squelch. “Close the door, I’ve got a plan.” Saradomin grins, Dartamor does as he’s told- the Lost Boys move away, back into the centre of the chamber and to the body of Balsag, lead by Saradomin. “Dartamor, give me the Magic Whistle, and don’t bother lying I know you’ve got it- I’ve got an idea forming in my head…” The Priest of St. Cuthbert looks down at the sprawled body of Balsag. “ “ Saradomin blows the whistle, nothing happens for a moment and then the Bugbear sits up, then slowly stands. “Yeth Marthter.” Balsag turns to face Saradomin, who’s doing a little jig and singing. “Sa-ra-do-min, Sa-ra-do-min, Tin-Can-Sa-ra-do-min, Eez got nah song 'cos 'is names tew long, Tin-Can-ShOwTee-Sa-ra-do-min." Aleso shakes his head and tuts a while, “It’s an abomination, a bloody abomination- where’s mine that’s what I want to know?” Jerky wanders over to Saradomin. “Is this really appropriate? Surely you can see that ethically you’re on dodgy ground bringing this foul creature back to unlife?” “Jealous.” “What?” “You’re just jealous because I’ve got a Bugbear and you’ve not.” “It’s not that… I’m not jealous, what about the tenants of your faith? Our faith?” “St. Cuthbert made me do it.” “What?” “I said St. Cuthbert made me do it, I’m the thingy of St. Cuthbert… the whatsit.” “What whatsit?” “The tool, no that’s not it… utensil, that’s it.” “The utensil of St. Cuthbert?” “Yeah, sort of, like a spoon.” “Like a what?” “Spoon.” “You’re the Spoon of St. Cuthbert?” “Yeah, whatever… Jealous.” Jerky looks aghast, “You’re the Spoon of St. Cuthbert, I just want to get this right?” “Probably”, Saradomin shrugs, “he moves within me… in mysterious ways.” The Priest adopts a spooky-ish pose. “You’re mad.” Jerky concludes. “Ha madness is just a form of genius… or religious fervour, I’m the… hang on lets do this properly.” Saradomin sinks to his knees, palms pressed together praying, eyes to heaven- actually he stands bathed in the halo of light from the hole above, very dramatic. “St. Cuthbert who works within me, for I am your Divine Ladle, I carry your faith within me like… like soup, in a spoon. The journey betwixt bowl and lip is fretted with terrible hazard, Bread buns, people nudging your elbow, and condiments. Just like our journey, except the bread buns are Kobolds, And there’s a big Bugbear nudging at my elbow, and… condiments. Oh mighty St. Cuthbert show me a sign of your faith in me, If I should not take this foul beast into service then strike him dead this instant…” This last bit delivered with menace, and volume, with finger pointing straight at a bemused looking Zombiefied Balsag. Nothing happens. “However, if you believe my path is true then give some clear indication, Say ‘Aye’ great St. Cuthbert, make it clear so all can see that my cause is…” BWOM Grand Alf, who has so far risen above the religious bickering, smashes his spade into the back of the Bugbears skull. POP One of the creature’s eyes shoots out; Jerky catches it, instinctively, and then drops it- slimy. “Aye. Now let’s get on.” Grand Alf states and wanders over to the door. “So there.” Saradomin follows the Sorcerer, “I shall call him Bernard.” The Bugbear follows after, “Yeth Marthter.” “What happened?” Dartamor enquires. “Not certain.” Jerky replies. “An abomination, a bloody abomination… I’m getting the next one.” Aleso runs after the others. EEEEeeeeeeeRRRrrr Dartamor opens the door again, torches light the chamber ahead, it extends a way, there’s a jumble of tables all crowded with… well, junk, and the remains of plants. Pillars, once again carved with dragons, although all badly stained and damaged, form an avenue through the chamber. Either side are doors, exits to other chambers, many ajar, three pairs in total. From the left. ZzzzzzzzSNAWZzzzzzz And from the right. Squelch-squelch-squelch-squelch. “Shhh. Back in a moment.” Dartamor sneaks forward to the door on the left, from which the sound of snoring is heard. Turns back to look at the others, “Shhh- ready”, he whispers. Saradomin nods. FwwwwWACK Dartamor pushes the door open, swiftly discovers it doesn’t open that way, and just as swiftly wrenches it back towards him, perfect, except for the part where he gets out of the way of the door. He smashes the door into his face, goes to scream, holds it in and then hops about a bit with his hand clamped over his mouth. “Shhhhh.” A collective susurrus from the remainder of The Lost Boys, witness to the scene. Dartamor shakes his head, acknowledging the need to stay silent. ZzzzzzzzSNAWZzzzzzz Thank Pelor whatever lies within is still sleeping. Dartamor removes his hand from his mouth, his scream stifled, grins at the assembled on-lookers and then hops back into a table loaded with pot plants, the entire thing collapses. It sounds like the end of the world. “Shhhhhugar Puffs.” In the chamber ahead two Goblins roll out of bed, heft clubs and rush over to the door and through, poised standing over the sprawling Rogue. From the first door on the right two more of the creatures come rushing out, they’re wearing shorts, one is armed with a shortened oar, the other with, appropriately, a large ladle. A third door opens, the second on the right, work it out, I’m not drawing you a picture and another pair of Goblins step out of the chamber- strange, they’re wearing lab coats, actually cut up white sheets with buttons sewn on the front. One has a line of twigs peeking out of a breast pocket- all of the twigs are exactly the same length, and has a length of rope knotted at his neck and hanging down like a pendulum, the other is wearing a chef’s hat. “What’s 'a' din? Wea'ar int' middle o' eur reeight serious experiment, we require absolute silence ta fettle, if wee measurements are off, even by eur bit, it could be disastrous fert subject.” In translation- “What’s that noise? We are in the middle of a very serious experiment, we require absolute silence to work, if our measurements are off, even by a bit, it could be disastrous for the subject.” The speaker has stencilled on the front of his lab coat, “Dr. Neyow.” “'n then we will av ta ea' 'im. Mmmmm.” In translation- “And then we will have to eat him. Mmmmm.” The one with the Chef’s hat has, “Dr. Ooo”, stencilled on the front of his lab coat. “Charge?” Saradomin offers, unsure. He looks around for support and then makes his move. “Kill Bernard. Kill.” The Goblins react instantly, the two standing over Dartamor rain down blows on the Rogue, he struggles to get clear of the pair, hit on his arm and his leg, both areas instantly go numb. Saradomin and Bernard (the Bugbear) get about two feet further into the chamber and then. FUNG Get wedged against each other- stuck in the doorway, the pair of Goblins in shorts rush over to engage them, they’re sitting ducks- stuck. “Will you get out of the way… I can’t hold it… I can’t hold it.” Grand Alf hops from foot to foot repeating his mantra, he wants, more than anything, to own a lab coat. Next Turn: Goblin Biology 101. [/QUOTE]
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