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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Goonalan" data-source="post: 3967902" data-attributes="member: 16069">Forgive me but the chance of them learning any lessons here is extremely slim, whatever it is I throw at them, well... you'll see.Thanks for the comment always appreciated.Turn 7.6: But why?In a wrecked chamber with a sagging stone roof, and one wall missing a bunch of Goblins huddle, front and centre Durnn paces and stares at a much smaller Goblin, known to some as Jeff St. Cuthbert, to others as Alan Goblin.“Bur why? Why did thee let theur nip on?” Durnn asks Alan again.In translation-“But why? Why did they let you go?”Alan Goblin has been stood at attention for quite a while now; he’s not sure which is worse, confronting his chief or the Lost Boys.“WHY?”“I think 'e fancied uz.” In translation- “I think he fancied me.” “T’ Priest?” Durnn asks.In translation-“The Priest?”Alan nods and adds.“Thee orl seemed ta li' me… Thee wor very… Reeight pleasant. Gran' chuffin', you’d li' 'em.”In translation-“They all seemed to like me… They were very…  Very pleasant. Nice really, you’d like them.”Durnn turns on the spot.WHACKAnd punches Alan into early next week.Before Alan can get up the chief is on top of him, squatting on his chest, “na tell uz agin, everythin theur saw, everee detail. Ah want ta kna orl abaht 'em.” In translation-“now tell me again, everything you saw, every detail. I want to know all about them.”Ten minutes later, Alan’s tale has been told.“Soa, let’s gerr dis straight- there’s an Elf armed wi' eur magic rope, whoa 'urls dead Goblins a' fowk?” Durnn asks.In translation-“So, let’s get this straight- there’s an Elf armed with a magic rope, who hurls dead Goblins at people?”Alan nods.“There’s eur tin can- eur bloke wrapped i' metal, who’s balancin eur slug on 'is lip, 'n whoa does umpteen o' dancin, 'n squeyts when 'e walks… 'n leaves eur trail o' puddles behin' 'im?” Durnn goes on.In translation-“There’s a tin can- a man wrapped in metal, who’s balancing a slug on his lip, and who does a lot of dancing, and squeaks when he walks… and leaves a trail of puddles behind him?”Alan nods.Durnn continues.“The third is wearin eur burnt 'n ripped frock, eur lab coa' likewise ruined, eur false beard, 'n let uz gerr dis next bit right- 'e wor dead, bur then 'e getten up agin?” Alan nods.In translation-“The third is wearing a burnt and ripped dress, a lab coat likewise ruined, a false beard, and let me get this next bit right- he was dead, but then he got up again?”“An' started shahtin a' theur?” Alan nods some more.In translation-“And started shouting at you?”“Then there’s eur sneyty Gnome, t' 'un we 'ed as prisona fert last year or sa, onny wi' cleeas on, 'n 'e’s upset wi' t' others abaht summa'?” Alan nods.In translation-“Then there’s a sneaky Gnome, the one we had as prisoner for the last year or so, only with clothes on, and he’s upset with the others about something?”“What’s 'e upset abaht?” Alan shakes his head and shrugs.In translation-“What’s he upset about?”Durnn presses on.“The leada is eur 'Oly bloke, eur gran' bloke, eur reeight gran' man- these wor thy words rememba, wi' eur gran' smell, li' cheap whisky. 'N ah want ta gerr dis absolutely right- 'e touched theur?” In translation-“The leader is a holy man, a nice man, a very nice man- these were your words remember, with a nice smell, like cheap whisky. And I want to get this absolutely right- he touched you?”Alan shakes his head.“He tried ta kiss theur?” Alan nods his head.In translation-“He tried to kiss you?”“Because 'e fancied theur?”Alan nods his head again.In translation-“Because he fancied you?”“But 'e wor still reeight gran', 'n dis is anotha 'un o' thy words- theur described 'im as, dreamy?” Alan looks sheepish, then looks up and nods.In translation-“But he was still very nice, and this is another one of your words- you described him as, dreamy?”“An' lastly Bernard t' Bugbear, naw wi' onny 'un ahm, wor followin 'em aroun', although 'e looked umpteen li' dead- thy words agin?” Alan nods.In translation-“And lastly Bernard the Bugbear, now with only one arm, was following them around, although he looked a lot like dead- your words again?”Durnn stares at Alan.The other Goblins in the chamber shuffle round to join the audience.Eventually Alan nods, once.“An' theur expect uz ta beleev 'a'?” Alan nods, vigorously.In translation-“And you expect me to believe that?”Alan Goblin grins.SNIFFDurnn leans in close and sniffs Alan’s breath.“You’ve bin suppin.” Alan nods, vigorously.In translation-“You’ve been drinking.”THUNKAlan skitters onto the floor to fetch his teeth. “Tell t' Ahtcast we’re expectin trouble, orl o' theur gerr ready, they’re comin. 'N Alan- front line.” Durnn declares, Goblins rush to obey, Alan- gap-toothed, saunters to the front of the queue.In translation-“Tell the Outcast we’re expecting trouble, all of you get ready, they’re coming. And Alan- front line.”Back in the octagonal chamber, temporary home to The Lost Boys, an hour and a half has passed since Jeff St. Cuthbert left.“He’s not coming back.” Jerky pokes his head round the door, “I told you he wouldn’t.”“He’s a brave Goblin- that’s all I have to say on the matter, taking them all on… single-handedly, fighting for what’s right. I’ll say no more on the subject, except that Alan will be missed, by all of us.” Saradomin concludes and bows his head.Grand Alf and Aleso look forlorn, the Paladin sniffs and wipes an eye.“Now let us pray.” Saradomin states and thumps his right hand across his chest, the others bow their heads.“Our St. Cuthbert, that art in the tavern, Hollow be thy frame. Thy Burger comes. Grilled, in a bun, floury and unleavened. Forgive us this day our daily dead. And our trespasses, as we DO NOT forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us into temptation, and deliver us unto evil: For mine is the pickled-egg, and the beer, and the whisky-chaser, forever and ever. How Much?”The adventurers mooch back and forth, wondering what to do next.“And that’s the last I’ll say on the matter… he was very brave… Alan… very brave indeed, some could learn from him.” Saradomin stares at the Paladin, who cannot meet his gaze.“HE’S NOT COMING BACK- HE’S SOLD US OUT, RIGHT NOW HE’S SITTING WITH HIS GOBLIN FRIENDS LAUGHING AT US- TELLING THEM ALL ABOUT US. YOU’RE IDIOTS. YOU’RE ALL MAD.” Jerky silhouetted in the doorway finally runs out of steam, he stands there seething.“He wouldn’t tell them we were idiots, or mad- what proof would he have? That’s just ridiculous.” Grand Alf states hands on hips.“Jerky, can you not see that Our Lord has seen fit to Bless me with many rare powers, my charm is legendary, my wit almost unwittable-less, I am a simple man, a lowly genius- I am the Oerthly incarnation of Our Lord, or as I call him- Bert. Jealousy is a terrible thing, now I want you to think about that and pray, to me, for forgiveness- I feel your time down here with the Goblins has affected your mind, you must seek succour and penance for your falsehoods, it is not too late little one, for although your brain is both small and addled you will one day see the truth of it. Now kneel before The Chosen One.” Saradomin indicates the exact spot he’d like Jerky to kneel. “THEY KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT US- EVERYTHING… EVERYTHING, CAN’T YOU SEE THAT, EVERYTHING.” Jerky screams in Saradomin’s face, who gasps back.“But how?” Aleso asks.“HE TOLD THEM, THE GOBLIN, ALAN- HE SNUCK BACK THERE AND TOLD THEM ALL ABOUT US, THEY’RE MAKING PLANS FOR US NOW- TO AMBUSH US, ATTACK US, DESTROY US.”“Hambush!” Grand Alf crouches into a combat stance, waves his fork left then right, causing Saradomin and Dartamor to take evasive action.The others scatter, ready for anything, except Aleso who is hurriedly trying to get his armour back on as he’s only wearing his underpants at the moment, he’s having no luck, particularly as he’s got his legs in the sleeves.Nothing happens for a bit.“Do you mean that they have captured Jeff St. Cuthbert and tortured him in order to reveal our whereabouts?” Saradomin whispers.“He was a very brave Goblin, he wouldn’t crack, a tough nut, they wouldn’t be able to break Alan.” Grand Alf shakes his head.“I mean Alan went back there, after you let him go, and just told them all about us.” Jerky explains patiently, “he’s a Goblin, they’re all Goblins, he went back to his Chief and just told them about us, he’s not on our side- he was only pretending to be your friend. Don’t you see?”Saradomin looks confused, Grand Alf continues to shake his head.“Got it.” Aleso states, he hasn’t, he has both of his legs through the hole in the armour normally reserved for his head.CLANGThe Paladin falls over.Next Turn: Finally.</blockquote>

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