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<blockquote data-quote="BoldItalic" data-source="post: 7321093" data-attributes="member: 6777052"><p>The bucket.... was a commonplace object, so it spoke Commonplace, which is understandable to speakers of Common if they pay attention and know their place.</p><p></p><p>"What's the rush?" asked the bucket.</p><p></p><p>"Er, we, er ..."</p><p></p><p>"To er is human," said the bucket gently, "Take your time. I'm not going to attack you."</p><p></p><p>"Why are you here?" demanded Jeli. "Are you essential to the plot, in ways unfathomable to mere mortals? Are you ineffable? Do you have cosmic undertones?"</p><p></p><p>"I don't think so. As far as I know, I'm just a bucket. For carrying water, or sand, or ... less pleasant but nonetheless essential substances."</p><p></p><p>"Do you know what is beyond those bronze doors?"</p><p></p><p>The bucket shrugged.</p><p></p><p>"This is hopeless," muttered Od. "I'm beginning to suspect that the DM is just messing about, throwing in random buckets with no purpose whatever."</p><p></p><p>Jeli tried a different tack. "We are on a quest to find the biggest diamond in the world," she announced importantly.</p><p></p><p>"And meanwhile," added Nord, "We have fifty tons of gold to bury under the floorboards."</p><p></p><p>The bucket seemed to think about this. "That's a lot of bucketfulls," it suggested. "Have you brought enough floorboards?"</p><p></p><p>Herewulf has a sudden sinking feeling. They were supposed to bring their own floorboards? Everyone had been assuming that there would already be floorboards <em>in situ</em> and they would just need to lift them up to reveal a suitable secret hiding place. But the whole plan was suddenly unravelling. He decided to bluff it out. "We have magic for that," he asserted with all the aplomb he could muster. He hoped he struck the right note between casual and assured.</p><p></p><p>The bluff seemed to work, because the bucket didn't quibble with the explanation but changed the subject. "This diamond," it continued, "roughly how big is it? About my size, or smaller, or larger? I'm asking because if you like, you could use me to carry it in."</p><p></p><p>It was Jeli's turn to be wrong-footed. She had no idea how big diamonds could grow, or how big the biggest one in the world might be, but she wasn't going to let a mere household object get the better of her. "Oh, it's much bigger than you," she lied. "You couldn't possibly carry it."</p><p></p><p>"Gosh," said the bucket. "I'm impressed. And you're going to steal it? Won't the owner be upset about being robbed?"</p><p></p><p>At the implication that there might be a small element of unlawfulness in their quest, Herewulf felt a slight twinge of paladinesque conscience. It was fleeting and he conquered it by reminding himself that he had never taken an Oath, although he might have to if they levelled up again. For a moment, he began to wonder idly which Oath he should take. They were all so <em>earnest</em>. Perhaps he could multiclass for a few levels, and postpone the decision? This bucket was making him <em>think</em>, just by asking seemingly innocent questions. Maybe it was an dialectical bucket? After all, if Diogenes could live in a barrel, could not Aristotle be living in a bucket? Well, two could play at that game.</p><p></p><p>Herewulf threw down the gauntlet. "Give me a reasoned argument to prove that you are a bucket," he challenged.</p><p></p><p>The others looked on with some surprise at this turn in the conversation, but they trusted Herewulf to know what he was doing and they settled down to observe the proceedings with interest. Snappy even stopped spinning his football around his ears and grinned. This was going to be good.</p><p></p><p>Somewhere in another dimension, the DM groaned and regretted mightily having rolled on the Random Dungeon Dressing table. He wished he could retcon the whole bucket thing. But it was too late.</p><p></p><p>The bucket ...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BoldItalic, post: 7321093, member: 6777052"] The bucket.... was a commonplace object, so it spoke Commonplace, which is understandable to speakers of Common if they pay attention and know their place. "What's the rush?" asked the bucket. "Er, we, er ..." "To er is human," said the bucket gently, "Take your time. I'm not going to attack you." "Why are you here?" demanded Jeli. "Are you essential to the plot, in ways unfathomable to mere mortals? Are you ineffable? Do you have cosmic undertones?" "I don't think so. As far as I know, I'm just a bucket. For carrying water, or sand, or ... less pleasant but nonetheless essential substances." "Do you know what is beyond those bronze doors?" The bucket shrugged. "This is hopeless," muttered Od. "I'm beginning to suspect that the DM is just messing about, throwing in random buckets with no purpose whatever." Jeli tried a different tack. "We are on a quest to find the biggest diamond in the world," she announced importantly. "And meanwhile," added Nord, "We have fifty tons of gold to bury under the floorboards." The bucket seemed to think about this. "That's a lot of bucketfulls," it suggested. "Have you brought enough floorboards?" Herewulf has a sudden sinking feeling. They were supposed to bring their own floorboards? Everyone had been assuming that there would already be floorboards [I]in situ[/I] and they would just need to lift them up to reveal a suitable secret hiding place. But the whole plan was suddenly unravelling. He decided to bluff it out. "We have magic for that," he asserted with all the aplomb he could muster. He hoped he struck the right note between casual and assured. The bluff seemed to work, because the bucket didn't quibble with the explanation but changed the subject. "This diamond," it continued, "roughly how big is it? About my size, or smaller, or larger? I'm asking because if you like, you could use me to carry it in." It was Jeli's turn to be wrong-footed. She had no idea how big diamonds could grow, or how big the biggest one in the world might be, but she wasn't going to let a mere household object get the better of her. "Oh, it's much bigger than you," she lied. "You couldn't possibly carry it." "Gosh," said the bucket. "I'm impressed. And you're going to steal it? Won't the owner be upset about being robbed?" At the implication that there might be a small element of unlawfulness in their quest, Herewulf felt a slight twinge of paladinesque conscience. It was fleeting and he conquered it by reminding himself that he had never taken an Oath, although he might have to if they levelled up again. For a moment, he began to wonder idly which Oath he should take. They were all so [I]earnest[/I]. Perhaps he could multiclass for a few levels, and postpone the decision? This bucket was making him [I]think[/I], just by asking seemingly innocent questions. Maybe it was an dialectical bucket? After all, if Diogenes could live in a barrel, could not Aristotle be living in a bucket? Well, two could play at that game. Herewulf threw down the gauntlet. "Give me a reasoned argument to prove that you are a bucket," he challenged. The others looked on with some surprise at this turn in the conversation, but they trusted Herewulf to know what he was doing and they settled down to observe the proceedings with interest. Snappy even stopped spinning his football around his ears and grinned. This was going to be good. Somewhere in another dimension, the DM groaned and regretted mightily having rolled on the Random Dungeon Dressing table. He wished he could retcon the whole bucket thing. But it was too late. The bucket ... [/QUOTE]
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