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Message: <blockquote data-quote="The Wizard Nosnibor" data-source="post: 2849307" data-attributes="member: 40162">Dear Aunty Beryl,What a terribly exciting time Pussy and I have had recently. I must tell you all about it. I scarcely know where to start; it’s all been so very exhilarating. Pussy says she just knows you’ll be thrilled. In my last letter I was telling you that our band of daring doers was planning to ask a friendly Wizard to Teleport us to a nice warm place so that we could put our feet up for a while and have a bit of a holiday. You know how my nose gets all snuffley and drippy when I get too nippy, and although Pussy has nice warm fur, she also dislikes it when she gets too much cold weather. Well let me tell you in Icewind Dale there’s ALWAYS too much!!!!So we all went to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of… Well. I’m not sure where he was from. But I think he’d just been doing his laundry because Blackmore said he thought he was three sheets to the wind. I think it was his laundry he was talking about. Suzy Creamcheese appeared to become a little upset about the condition of the Wonderful Wizard and an animated discussion ensued. I must admit that I didn’t listen to their talking much as the Wonderful Wizard had such a marvellously interesting collection of food stains upon the various robes that he had carefully placed in piles upon the floor of his quaint home. It was a simply fascinating collection. Finally they decided that the wizard should teleport us and he agreed. Suzy Creamcheese pointed at me and stated that ‘Bonehead’ should go first. Blackmore explained to me that this was a title that Suzy only ever bestowed upon those she thought were the bravest and hardiest adventurers. I must tell you Aunty Dear, I was so proud at that moment, to have been accepted so thoroughly into the hearts of my companions. I am not too hardened to admit that I shed a tear of pride then. And after they gave the Wonderful Wizard several cups of a dark liquid they called ‘Black Coffee’ he cast the Teleport spell upon me. Well the Wonderful Wizard seemed to start the spell off well dear Aunty but I’m sure he wasn’t supposed to shake so much while casting the cabalistic prestidigitation. And although I think Blackmore was trying to steady his arm, from where I stood he accidentally seemed to nudge the Wonderful Wizard mid-cast. Consequently Pussy, Robinson and I seemed to get sucked into an anti-rimwise helicoid curlicue, as opposed to the normal rimwise type. Pussy and I wonder what multiversal thread of fate has us irrevocably bound to a variety of malfunctioning interplanar vortices. They always seem to go wrong for us. And oh poor  Robinson. I was mortified to see that once again he had been rather gruesomely turned inside out.  That horse can never seem to stay in the same shape for very long. I wonder if it has something to do with the bio-thaumaturgic resonance field that is created by equus caballus? Oh perhaps circumvoluted omniplanar helix have an increase malignancy effect upon larger massed herbivores? I wonder if there’s a research grant in this? Perhaps when I get home you can ask uncle Nobby up at the University if they’d be interested in funding some extra planar research? I wonder when Pussy and I can come home? Surely the scandal has blown over by now? Anyway, back to my tale of woe.Upon being ejected from the teleportical vortex the first thing that we noticed was that we were still in a cold and frigid climate. It seemed that the Wonderful Wizard was not so wonderful after all, it also seemed that I was once again lost and split up from my adventuring companions. Although I must say if I was jolly surprised to find that I had teleported into a rural road side area in the middle of winter, I was doubly jolly surprised to find that at the very time of my I arrival another COMPLETELY SEPARATE group of adventurers were on that very roadside fighting some evil Quadrapedal beasties. I ask you Aunty Dearest. What are the chances? Pussy and I were flabbergasted. It’s almost as if some other worldly force was controlling our destinies and placing us in deliberately unlikely situations. Some great and dark intelligence that creates convoluted narratives and story arches, placing us in situations of danger and peril for the sinister entertainment of some inscrutable other. I can imagine him now. A weird, bandy legged creature sitting cross legged over a checked map that represents our world, a strange glassy look in his eye as he smokes on some dubious, self rolled cigarillo and cackles wickedly as a strange, other worldly light shines off his glistening balding head. His evil grin shines mercilessly as he decides our fates on the throw of a dice as if he is playing a tune with our destiny. Like a maniacal organ grinder playing a tune on his organ as his trained monkeys dance like marionettes. Though perhaps I’m being too serious, if there is a great controller I’m sure he’s a lovely chap with a lovely full head of hair.Two large and fearsome terrors called Leucrotta were assailing a band of hardy champions who themselves were bravely attempting to defend two honest civilians in a merchants caravan. It was all very heroic, and would have made a super painting. Although these fearless fellows were obviously capable of dispatching this pair of viciously ventrilloquistic varmints I decided to lend what little hand as I could, hoping that I would not insult them. Stepping away from the diminishing vortex I summoned up a meager magical missile and sent it towards one of the Leucrotta to give it a glancing blow. The brave adventurers all continued in their combat. There was a large Human Warrior of Obviously Noble bearing who rode upon a nobly lined destrier. There was a handsome human with a scare above his left eye who bore a Lute and sang with the voice of a celestial of the plane of good. There was a Beautiful Amazon dressed skimpily in Red who fought ferociously against the beasties. There was a huge Titan of a Half-Orc whose muscles rippled in righteous fury as he wielded a huge and wickedly notched Axe.  There was a half elf male who dressed in the manner of the Faerunian Elven folk , this fellow was single handedly battling with the second Leucrotta and had the holy aura of a powerful cleric. Finally was the most surprising member of their group. Amongst these brave adventurers was a Kobold who acted as one of their number. He spoke surprisingly good common, with none of that comedy yipping and yapping that so many of his Rhoesonian Kobold kith always seem to take as an affectation. More surprisingly he appeared to be a powerful user of magic and was sending barrages of arcane power against the beasts, hurting them sorely. Indeed I could tell I was in the presence of a group of extraordinary individuals.As we fought several of the Band greeted me and thanked me for my timely assistance. We bantered some and the air was filled with fluffy camaraderie which left me all warm and fuzzy, despite the cold. Coleridge the Bard introduced himself to me and sang a rousing song which seemed to help all in their fighting. He seemed to be a very agreeable chap and his clothes were very bright and colourful. I must say Aunty Dearest that you would have taken quite a shine to him, even though he was human. He had such a clever tongue and his spontaneous lyrical creations had a good, solid rhyme and meter which left me quite impressed. Pussy also said she thought Coleridge was lovely too.I was also introduced to the Kobold who was called Rizzit. What a delightful little chap he was and as I’ve already mentioned, he appeared to be of no mean arcane talent. Pussy tells me to say that Talent is exactly the term I should use for it. For unlike Cerilia Dear Aunty there is more than one type of Magic User in Faerun. Rizzit, after some explanation, turned out to be a Sorcerer. Sorcerers channel Magic through raw talent. They don’t appear to have to spend years in school and University learning the physical mysteries of the Universe and how to manipulate the raw planar energies that make up its composite parts. Oh no. They don’t have to go through years of Fagging for the head boy and being the last man up in the biscuit game. No late night games of ‘Cripple Mister Onion’ in the shared dormitories, no communal cold showers or bouts of towel flicking after PE. No, Sorcerers can just instantly do it. Probably without understanding what it is they’re doing I should think. How lucky for them. We wizards spend or best and most formative years learning the heady arcane secrets of the Universe. But here in Faerun you can usually start casting magic after collecting three tokens from a cereal box. Sorry Dear Aunty, I digress. Rizzit was a charming little fellow and was very eager to accept me and discuss the finer points of magic. And after we’d agreed that the word Magic Missile had two S’s in it, it was like were old friends.Next the brave half elf who was single handedly fighting one Leucrotta introduced himself. He was a Cleric called Beltain which if I’m not mistaken is a shortening of the Wood Elf name Beluthian, though it isn’t actually that much shorter. But Pussy thinks that that’s wood elves for you, never the sharpest quill in the ink pot, to paraphrase Uncle Nobby. He expressed to me an interest in learning the arcane ways of the Wizard. Though why he should wish to spend years learning Wizardry from me when he can pick up the skills of a Sorcerer from his comrade Rizzit with little effort and without the slightest understanding of which direction is ‘up’ is a mystery to me Dear Aunty. But Beltain seemed a sterling chap with a very holy aura.The knight that was sat astride the huge destrier introduced himself as Sparhawk as he heroically slew one of the Leucrotta before turning his steed to help his companion Beltain. He was a tall and impressive looking figure as he sat astride his mighty war horse and charged towards the remaining Beast. Let me tell you Aunty that he cut quite a Dash. You’d have like him. Moving with the clank and creak of heavy armour, and the smell of WD40.There was also Feng to be introduced. He was the titanic Half-Orc who leaped about with obvious menace swinging his huge chopper. He was quite a fearsome sight, and had me all a quiver. Especially when he professed that he did not like Wizards or Elves one little bit and made terribly hurtful remarks about me. I tell you Aunty Dearest, I was quite scared. He was just a primitive and bestial chap, and although I’m sure he was really a very nice person and that his mummy was sure to have loved him. I was still very scared of him, I still am in fact. I hope he doesn’t eat me. Lastly the Human woman introduced herself to me as Limara, another Cleric, this time of some human battle god or other, I can never quite keep track of the many gods that this world appears to have, although there are lots of nice elven gods who seem very lovely , though they do tend to go on about trees rather a lot. I hope to meet one one day so I can tell them about our lovely deity. But I digress, I was telling you about Limara.  I must say Aunty that her attire was a little unorthodox. I’m not entirely sure that stockings and suspenders provide any armor protection at all, even when worn with provocative knee boots and split to thigh chain mail. It was almost as if she was dressed by some feverish and slight disturbed mans deviant imagination. I’m not sure if that was her Clerical uniform, but if it was I’m almost certain that her religion is run by a man, one with damp palms. Despite her rather interesting dress sense Limara appeared to be a very nice young lady. With very good manners, and not at all as Tarty as you’d first imagined she would be. Indeed I later found out that she and Beltain were an ‘item’ and had been ‘going steady’ for some time. It’s so lovely when love springs up from a mutual interest of delving into the lairs of monsters and hitting them with things. A relationship that is based on mutual hobbies will last forever. That’s what you and Uncle Nobby always say. While I’m on the subject, how is your Sentient Species Fetus Collection coming along? Did you or Uncle Nobby ever get that Spriggan specimen? Did you get the display cases up in the spare room to house the larger Goblinoid exhibits?Well back to my tale. Using their individual skills and talents the group of adventurers quickly dispatched the remaining fell beast. Following their introductions I introduced Pussy and myself to them. As I had no transport, due to Robinsons untimely demise, they offered me a place in their wagon to travel to the nearest town. The wagon was owned by a lovely Merchant called Walter who had hired the brave adventurers to take him home. There was also a young lady with them called Deidre, who was a lovely slip of a lass, if a tad plebian in her dress. From talking to Walter I found out that I had been transported to a country called Cormyr, which was a good few thousand miles from my starting point in Icewind Dale. So at least the Wonderful Wizard had managed to send me a goodly distance, though apparently in rather less than the right direction. I also found out that it was snowing because in this region it was winter, so at least I would get to see some sun at some point in this area. How thrilled I will be when I can bask in the warm rays of the summer sun. Pussy and I do so miss it. Walter also informed me that while traveling in the North with a caravan of goods he had been captured by Zhents and had been taken to their evil lair to be sacrificed to their dark and nasty god called Bane. A singularly unpleasant fellow by the description. The Zhents or Zhentarim, also known as the Black Network, is an evil organization whose goal is apparently to dominate the lands from the Moonsea to the Sword Coast where ever they are. Originally a secret society, the Zhentarim appear to be coming out of their shell a lot more recently and are, by all accounts, a rather nasty bunch of religious zealots. Let me tell you Dear Aunty that Pussy and I do not like the sound of them one little bit, and shall do my best to avoid them. While Prisoners of the Zhents, Diedre and Walter were heroically rescued from certain death by the brave adventurers who were escorting them now. Walter secretly informed me that he thinks they call themselves the Order of Initiative, but he wasn’t definate as there used to be a Ranger in their Number who called them the Order of ‘Wankers’, what ever one of those is. Anyway, Walter says that this Ranger went off with the group on their last adventure and never returned. Though Walter tells me he was a rather unpleasant fellow so perhaps this is a good thing. After the Heroic Rescue the Order agreed to escort Walter and Diedre to their home town of Suzail, which was bally nice of them I think. It shows a great deal of responsibility to rescue someone AND insist on taking them Hundreds of miles home. I’m not sure about you Aunty Dearest but I think that is exactly the sort of adventuring group I would like to be part of. The rescueing captured Merchants and Fair Damsels in distress is definitely something that has always attracted me to the adventuring job, it’s one of the perks. I’m thinking of asking them if I can join their Party on a trail basis. Perhaps to see if I fit in. They seem to be a terribly nice lot, thought Feng and Rizzit do tend to use rather coarse language. I wonder if they’ll agree to having a party Swear Box? We could gather a Gold piece everytime someone swears and then we could give the money to charities of Orphanages that we pass by in our travels. I think I’ll mention it at some point. So having travelled in the wagon for the last few days we have reached the city of Arabel, which is a postively marvalous place. Full of rich scintilating colours and beautifully architected minarettes. I have been out shopping and have bought some lovely kitchen implements, including a wonderfully ingenious item called a Jammy Olivier ‘Flavour shaker’, apparently it will be completely indispensible in food preperation and is all the rage. I also bought myself a lovely big pony, whom I called Robinson. He’s got a lovley soft nose and makes cute wuffly noises when I feed him carrots. And he and Pussy seem to get along nicely.I will have to sign off now as I have to go and cook dinner for the party. They seem quite fond of my cooking and I have started to find out what each of their favourite dishes are. I plan on trying to cook each persons favourite dish at least once a week, though I’ve no idea where I’m going to find pickled Halflings testicles from for Feng, and I’m pretty sure only Rizzit can digest smoldering Oak Charcoal, but he swears to me that it’s very tasty. I hope you and Uncle Nobby are doing well and that the rash has cleared up. Please send all of my love to the rest of the family, I love and miss you all very much.Your Loving NephewThe Wizard Nosnibor</blockquote>

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