The Railroad Test

[CleverNickName]

There has been much discussion about "railroad" plots in this forum. So what IS a railroad game, anyway? What does it look like? If you are wondering if your game is a railroad or not, you might find this little quiz helpful.

THE RAILROAD TEST
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If the DM says, "No, it's not a dragon," you are NOT on a railroad.
If the DM says, "No, that's not a good idea," you MIGHT be on a railroad.
If the DM says, "No, you do this instead," you ARE on a railroad.

If your character is named "Walter," you are NOT on a railroad.
If your character is named by the DM, you MIGHT be on a railroad.
If your character is named "Character Number Two," you ARE on a railroad.

If you wake up in a strange town, you are NOT on a railroad.
If you wake up in the same town you tried to leave yesterday, you MIGHT be on a railroad.
If you wake up in the same town you tried to leave yesterday, and now all of the roads and exits out of town have mysteriously vanished, you ARE on a railroad.

If the NPC doesn't introduce himself, you are NOT on a railroad.
If the NPC introduces himself as "Bigsley the Merchant," you MIGHT be on a railroad.
If the NPC introduces himself as "Elminster," you are ARE on a (crappy) railroad.

If the DM says, "Your Climb check was successful," you are NOT on a railroad.
If the DM says, "Your Climb check was successful" without rolling, you MIGHT be on a railroad.
If a ladder mysteriously appears in your inventory, you are either railroading or cheating.

If the DM asks you to roll initiative, you are NOT on a railroad.
If the DM rolls initiative for you, you MIGHT be on a railroad.
If the DM tells you what your initiative is without rolling it, you ARE on a railroad.

If the DM says "One second, let me check the DMG," you are NOT on a railroad.
If the DM says "Wait a sec, let me check my notes," you MIGHT be on a railroad.
If the DM reads his notes to you for an hour, you ARE on a railroad.

If you are fighting dark elves, you are NOT on a railroad.
If you have been fighting dark elves for the last five hours, you MIGHT be on a railroad.
If you have been fighting the same dark elf for the last five hours, you are playing 4E. (ZING!)

If you map the dungeon as you explore it, you are NOT on a railroad.
If you have to keep erasing and backtracking to map the dungeon, you MIGHT be on a railroad.
If the DM tells you to not even bother mapping the dungeon, you ARE on a railroad.

If the DM stops the game for a break, you are NOT on a railroad.
If the DM forgets your regularly scheduled break, you MIGHT be on a railroad.
If everyone takes a break and the DM doesn't notice, you ARE on a railroad.

If the DM asks, "What do you want to do now?" you are NOT on a railroad.
If the DM says, "You can either run, surrender, or fight," you MIGHT be on a railroad.
If the DM says, "Whatever, it doesn't matter," you are SO TOTALLY ON A RAILROAD.

 

[ExploderWizard]

If everyone takes a break and the DM doesn't notice, you ARE on a railroad.

 

[Celebrim]

If the DM says, "No, it's not a dragon," you are NOT on a railroad.
If the DM says, "No, that's not a good idea," you MIGHT be on a railroad.
If you DM says, "No, you do this instead," you ARE on a railroad.

I don't get the 'It's not a dragon' reference.

If your character is named "Walter," you are NOT on a railroad.
If your character is named by the DM, you MIGHT be on a railroad.
If your character is named "Character Number Two," you ARE on a railroad.

I don't get how 'C' is more railroady than 'B'. Personally, I'd reverse the two. Actually, I'd probably make 'B' be, "Your character name must be chosen from a list of 500 setting appropriate names provided by the DM.", and make 'C' the clear sign you are on a railroad.

If you wake up in a strange town, you are NOT on a railroad.
If you wake up in the same town you tried to leave yesterday, you MIGHT be on a railroad.
If you wake up in the same town you tried to leave yesterday, and now all of the roads and exits out of town have mysteriously vanished, you ARE on a railroad.

Personally, I think 'A' proves nothing. You still might be on a railroad. In fact, I seem to recall a long EnWorld thread where we were arguing over whether 'captured/kidnapped/etc.' in your sleep and you don't learn about it as a player until after the plot succeeds constituted railroading, and I sided with those that said it did. So, I'd say for 'A' that you probably are on a railroad.

If the NPC doesn't introduce himeself, you are NOT on a railroad.
If the NPC introduces himself as "Bigsley the Merchant," you MIGHT be on a railroad.
If the NPC introduces himself as "Elminster," you are ARE on a (crappy) railroad.

In this case, I don't see how personified characters are more railroad and less for example 'sandbox'. Isn't one of the signs of a sandbox a huge number of named PC's, so that if you go to get your horse shod the DM has a seven sentence description of the farrier and stats already worked up (or a random table for generating the event if he doesn't).

If the DM asks you to roll initiative, you are NOT on a railroad.
If the DM rolls initiative for you, you MIGHT be on a railroad.
If the DM tells you what your initiative is without rolling it, you ARE on a railroad.

Huh? I don't get this one at all. 'A' and 'B' seem like really weak justification for the slightly funny 'C', but overall they just don't fit.

If the DM says "One second, let me check the DMG," you are NOT on a railroad.
If the DM says "Wait a sec, let me check my notes," you MIGHT be on a railroad.
If the DM reads his notes to you for an hour, you ARE on a railroad.

Again, isn't one of the characteristics of a sterotypical sandbox that it has such a deeply worked out history and cosmology that the DM actually can read his notes to you for hours? I don't think any of the above actually tells us whether we are on a railroad.

If you are fighting dark elves, you are NOT on a railroad.
If you have been fighting dark elves for the last five hours, you MIGHT be on a railroad.
If you have been fighting the same dark elf for the last five hours, you are playing 4E. (ZING!)

I appreciate the zing!, but again, don't see this as actually signifying railroad. Railroads can be extremely imaginative, and actually - sadly - often are. The problem with railroads is that they often are very good DM prep, and very bad DM execution.

If you map the dungeon as you explore it, you are NOT on a railroad.
If you have to keep erasing and backtracking to map the dungeon, you MIGHT be on a railroad.
If the DM tells you to not even bother mapping the dungeon, you ARE on a railroad.

Not sure I get 'A' and 'B', again.

If the DM stops the game for a break, you are NOT on a railroad.
If the DM forgets your regularly scheduled break, you MIGHT be on a railroad.
If everyone takes a break and the DM doesn't notice, you ARE on a railroad.

'C' is actually funny. Not sure I get 'A' and 'B', again.

If the DM asks, "What do you want to do now?" you are NOT on a railroad.
If the DM says, "You can either run, surrender, or fight," you MIGHT be on a railroad.
If the DM says, "Whatever, it doesn't matter," you are SO TOTALLY ON A RAILROAD.

Ok, that one works.

 

[kitsune9]

Very funny! Awesome!

 

[Ultimatecalibur]

Talk about completely missing the point. If you need me to explain all of the jokes in CNN's post I will, but I wont be happy to.

One of my own:

If you are playing an Eberron game and...
...you jump on the party's airship to go to Xendrick, you are not on a railroad.
...your DM asks you how you want to get to Thrane, you might end up on a railroad.
...an NPC just punched your lightning rail tickets, you are on a railroad.

 

[CleverNickName]

Ease up, fellas. We're all friends here. And geeks.

I don't get the 'It's not a dragon' reference.

The dragon isn't important...it's just three different instances in which the DM would tell the player "no," but for different (and increasingly railroady) reasons.

I don't get how 'C' is more railroady than 'B'.

You are right, of course. But I ordered them this way because a lot of my favorite modules come with pre-generated characters. There's nothing inherently railroady about using a pregen...but there can be, so it's a "maybe." The third option implies that the DM didn't even bother replacing the placeholder tags in his pre-written narration with your actual character name.

Personally, I think 'A' proves nothing. You still might be on a railroad.

Again, you are right. But the assessment assumes that no other information is given. Merely waking up in a random town isn't enough to claim a railroad. (That said, I know some players who would scream "OMG RAILROAD!!" at far less provocation...)

In this case, I don't see how personified characters are more railroad and less for example 'sandbox'.

I was just gunning for an Elminster joke, that's all. Because nobody should ever pass up an opportunity to make fun of Elminster.

Huh? I don't get this one at all. 'A' and 'B' seem like really weak justification for the slightly funny 'C', but overall they just don't fit.

I wrote this list in like, five minutes. All of my justifications, if any, are going to be pretty weak. I was just trying to think of an instance where a DM would obviously dictate the game mechanics for no good reason.

Again, isn't one of the characteristics of a sterotypical sandbox that it has such a deeply worked out history and cosmology that the DM actually can read his notes to you for hours? I don't think any of the above actually tells us whether we are on a railroad.

Wow, you put a lot of thought into this analysis. I was envisioning a DM sitting at a table, reading the novel (s)he wrote to the very bored players-turned-audience.

I appreciate the zing!, but again, don't see this as actually signifying railroad. Railroads can be extremely imaginative, and actually - sadly - often are. The problem with railroads is that they often are very good DM prep, and very bad DM execution.

Same for my jokes...sometimes they are good ideas that have been poorly executed. I was just gunning for a 4E joke, that's all.

Not sure I get 'A' and 'B', again.

Hm, I thought this one was pretty obvious. My bad. See, in my opinion there are only two reasons why a DM would tell you not to bother with mapping a dungeon. One, the dungeon is only one or two rooms in size. Or two, (s)he has already decided how the whole crawl is going to unfold.

'C' is actually funny. Not sure I get 'A' and 'B', again.

A and B are just there to set up C. My comic timing must still be on Daylight Savings...

Ok, that one works.

Yep. The whole point of the thread.

 

[Celebrim]

The dragon isn't important...it's just three different instances in which the DM would tell the player "no," but for different (and increasingly railroady) reasons.

Oh, ok. Then 'A' should be something like, "No, you can't be the a dinosaur riding technomancer who shoots lasers out of his forehead in King Arthur's court."

You are right, of course. But I ordered them this way because a lot of my favorite modules come with pre-generated characters. There's nothing inherently railroady about using a pregen...but there can be, so it's a "maybe." The third option implies that the DM didn't even bother replacing the placeholder tags in his pre-written narration with your actual character name.

That sounds like we are going to bicker over what is more railroady. From my prespective, there is nothing particularly railroady about using a pregen - but if the DM insists you use a pregen then it's a railroad no 'maybe' about it. In the third option, at least the DM gave the player the freedom to choose his own name and presumably create his own character - even if he's going to ignore it. So, probably both are railroady. Choose your poison.

Merely waking up in a random town isn't enough to claim a railroad.

Pretty much any time world events happen and you are allowed only to be an observer, you can gaurantee you are on rails. I mean, that's were the term comes from.

I was just gunning for an Elminster joke, that's all. Because nobody should ever pass up an opportunity to make fun of Elminster.

Agreed.

I was just trying to think of an instance where a DM would obviously dictate the game mechanics for no good reason.

Well, for example, 'A' could be: "The DM reports the NPC's initiative before you even roll.", and 'B' could be, "The DM reports the NPC's initiative after you roll for the PC's.", and 'C' could be, "The NPC always wins initiative and has the uncanny ability to act outside of the initiative order whenever threatened."

I was envisioning a DM sitting at a table, reading the novel (s)he wrote to the very bored players-turned-audience.

Yeah, that's railroading. I just don't see 'A' as being the contrast to that. I suppose the extreme contrast to that is the, "The DM happily sits around for four hours while the players in character develop an elaborate plan for seizing the gaurdhouse."

Hm, I thought this one was pretty obvious. My bad. See, in my opinion there are only two reasons why a DM would tell you not to bother with mapping a dungeon. One, the dungeon is only one or two rooms in size. Or two, (s)he has already decided how the whole crawl is going to unfold.

I get how 'C' is railroady. I just don't see 'A' and 'B' as actually demonstrating what they claim. If you are mapping the dungeon, you don't actually know you aren't on a railroad. So for me, a good 'A' would have to be about mapping and be as illustrative of not railroading as 'C' is illustrative of being on a railroad.

A -> B doesn't mean !A -> !B.

 

[M.L. Martin]

[snark]

If the DM is anything more than
1. Establisher of the starting point
2. Monster runner
3. a. (Old-school) Passive recipient of player ideas, schemes, lies, and outright bullying
b. (New-school) Locutus of RAW

. . . then you have violated the Holy Codes of Sacred Sandbox Gaming and may be on the Abyssal Path of Railroading. Kindly report to the Committee for Proper Gaming for evaluation and subsequent re-education or extermination.

 

[CleverNickName]

Oh, ok. Then 'A' should be something like,...

...snip...

...and be as illustrative of not railroading as 'C' is illustrative of being on a railroad. A -> B doesn't mean !A -> !B.

Let's see...how can I steer this away from definitions and back to teh funnay? Think, Trav, think...

...I know! MOAR FUNNAY!!

THE RAILROAD TEST II
(with apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)
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If the most important character in the campaign is an NPC...

If the party has been traveling in circles for six months and everyone is bored except your DM...

If the DM ever feels the urge to say "If you would just listen to my suggestions..."

If the DM spends more time talking to his laptop screen than to the players...

If another player asks "Why did we come here?" and you have to defer the question to the DM...

If all of your players cancel and you still don't feel the need to reschedule the game...

If your character's choice of action has ever been announced by someone other than yourself...

If Bloodbeard the Savage suddenly finds himself caring about a stolen kitten...

If the DM handwaves a hundred-mile overland journey through the Haunted Forest of Caves and Giant Spiders just so you can hurry up and talk to some guy about his crops...


...you might be railroading.

 

[Hussar]

I'll take a stab.

If you take the time to talk to a random NPC to learn local color, you are NOT on a railroad.
If random local NPC's approach you to tell you about local color, you MIGHT be on a railroad.
If the DM doesn't even bother with the NPC, but instead waxes on about the local color for extended periods of time AND tells you how you feel about it, you ARE on a railroad.