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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Ancalagon" data-source="post: 581008" data-attributes="member: 23">a customer walks in the door.) Customer: Good Morning.Owner:    Good morning, Sir.  Welcome to the National Fiend Emporium!Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man.Owner:    What can I do for you, Sir?C: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the Sensate library on Clerk's Lane just now,   skimming through "Rogue Hurron" by Herkel Darkstep, and I suddenly came over   all peckish.O: Peckish, sir?C: Conjurian.O: Eh?C: 'Ee, Ah wor 'sumonin-loike!O: Ah, Summonish!C: In a nutshell.  And I thought to myself, "a little nasty fiend will do   the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and   infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some fiendish entertainment!O: Come again?C: I want to buy a fiend.O: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bazouki player!C: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the   Terpsichorean muse!O: Sorry?C: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, 'yer forced too!O: So he can go on playing, can he?C: Most certainly!  Now then, some fiend please, my good man.O: (lustily) Certainly, sir.  What would you like?C: Well, eh, how about a little red Abishai?.O: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of red Abishai, sir.C: Oh, never mind, how are you on Ice Mephits?O: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it   fresh on Monday.C: Tish tish.  No matter.  Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Canoloth, if   you please.O: Ah!  It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks.  Was expecting it this   morning.C: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it?   Aah, Beial Please?O: Sorry, sir.C: Red Slaad?O: Normally, sir, yes.  Today the van broke down.C: Ah.  Gablerzu?O: Sorry.C: Fire Elemental? Goristo?O: No.C: Any Norweigan demon, per chance.O: No.C: Danish Achairai?O: No.C: Double Demogorgon?O: <pause>   No.C: RutterkinsO: No.C: Lemures, perhaps?O: Ah!  We have Lemures, yessir.C: (suprised) You do!  Excellent.O: Yessir.  It's..ah,.....it's a bit runny...C: Oh, I like it runny.O: Well,.. It's very runny, actually, sir.C: No matter.  Fetch hither the diable de la Belle Enfer!  Mmmwah!O: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.C: I don't care how <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" />ing runny it is.  Hand it over with all speed.O: Oooooooooohhh........!   <pause>C: What now?O: The cat's eaten it.C: <pause>    Has he.O: She, sir.(pause)C: Barbazu?O: No.C: Yagnoloth?O: No.C: Nightmare?O: No.C: Smoke Mephit?O: No.C: Japanese Ugulu no Oni?O: No, sir.C: You...do *have* some fiends, don't you?O: (brightly) Of course, sir.  It's a fiend shop, sir.  We've got--C: No no... don't tell me.   I'm keen to guess.O: Fair enough.C: Uuuuuh, Wensleydale.O: Yes?C: Ah, well, I'll have some of that!O: Oh!  I thought you were talking to me, sir.   Mister Wensleydale, that's my name. (pause) C: Uuh, Graazt?O: noC: Nycaloth,O: noC: erinyes ,O: noC: Bone devil,O: noC: thoqqua,O: noC: Xill,O: noC: Dretch?O: Not *today*, sir, no.(pause)C: Aah, how about Imps?O: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.C: Not much ca--It's the single most popular fiend in the world!O: Not 'round here, sir.C: <slight pause> and what IS the most popular fiend 'round hyah?O: Faratsu, sir.C: IS it.O: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.C: Is it.O: It's our number one best seller, sir!C: I see.  Uuh...Faratsu, eh?O: Right, sir.C: All right.  Okay.   'Have you got any?' he asked, expecting the answer 'no'.O: I'll have a look, sir...   nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.C: It's not much of a Fiend shop, is it?O: Finest in the district!C: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.O: Well, it's so clean, sir!C: It's certainly uncontaminated by fiends....O: (brightly) You haven't asked me about Nalfeshnee, sir.C: Would it be worth it?O: Could be....C: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY BAZOUKI OFF!O: Told you sir....C: (slowly) Have you got any Nalfeshneer?O: No.C: Figures.   Predictable, really I suppose.  It was an act of purest optimism to have   posed the question in the first place.  Tell me:O: Yessir?C: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any fiends here at all.O: Yes,sir.C: Really?(pause)O: No.  Not really, sir.C: You haven't.O: Nosir.  Not a scrap.  I was deliberately wasting your time,sir.C: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to cleave you in twain.O: Right-0, sir. The customer takes out an axe and hacks the owner's head off. C: What a *senseless* waste of human life.</blockquote>

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