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The Shadow Knows! (Final Update 6/3/04)
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<blockquote data-quote="The Shadow" data-source="post: 1625268" data-attributes="member: 16760"><p>[Please note that there is a Shadow session - the final one - posted just before this.]</p><p></p><p>My friends,</p><p></p><p>I've reached a moment of decision in my life over the last couple weeks. Far-reaching changes are taking place; and one of them is that I can no longer continue this game.</p><p></p><p>I'd like to leave it at that, but I do feel that I owe my loyal readers an explanation.</p><p></p><p>It'll be easiest if I describe something that happened several years ago. I was a devoted MUSHer, having played a character on an Amber-themed MUSH (ie, text-based RP environment) for the previous seven years. A little too devoted. It got to the point where that game was eating up too much of my time and thoughts, and interfering with my daily life. But more than that... I came to realize that playing that character was keeping alive in me traits that I didn't like. All of my characters are images of some facet of my own personality; and playing him was giving one facet entirely too much exercise.</p><p></p><p>I fought shy of admitting it for some time. But when I finally came face to face with it, after a lot of heartache, I killed the character off and had him deleted so that I could never start him up again. It was hard. Very hard. But experience showed that it was the right thing to do; many things in my life started going right again shortly afterward.</p><p></p><p>Well... today I came to the same realization about Alex. And once again, I've fought shy of admitting it for a matter of weeks. I think it's the suggestions for further developments of campaign support that finally brought it to the surface where I had to look at it.</p><p></p><p>I'm spending too much time, effort, and thought on this game, pure and simple. And playing Alex has ceased to be good for me, much as I enjoy it. He is a good and strong but very flawed man (much like my MUSH character was, but in a totally different way); and just as before I find that playing out his flaws magnifies flaws in me that I cannot tolerate being magnified.</p><p></p><p>I'm not the kind of guy to do things by halves. I don't think cutting back will help. I just have to stop. God knows, I'll miss the guy - and Carlos (who is also a mirror of me in a great many ways, I'm very fond of him), and David, and the rest of the gang. But he's not good for me any more. I'll treasure the memory of him, but I just can't continue to play him. (And the same, I regret to say, goes for my character Paratwa in MDSnowman's Chain Gang game.)</p><p></p><p>What I really regret about this is the effect it has on you guys. I never intended to string anyone along; I fully intended to mine the rich potential of this game for years. But it's not to be. I ask you to forgive me. Feel free to use the world, and the character, in whatever way you choose provided that SuentisPo goes along with it.</p><p></p><p>I debated today whether it was best to make a clean break or to wind things down in a couple adventures, and regretfully decided that the former is best. I tried things the other way on the MUSH, and it only made things much harder for me and the people I played with. The campaign has reached an interlude point in any case; this is how I'd like to remember it.</p><p></p><p>I very much hope to continue the relationships I've formed with people on this board and ENWorld - notably Ronin, Mitchell, Lela, and PsychoBlonde. I'll probably stay away from the boards for a while as I bring my life into order (my decision about the Shadow is only part of a wide-ranging series of life-decisions I've been making today), but that doesn't reflect at all on the good company.</p><p></p><p>Please feel welcome to contact me by email or on AIM if you wish; I'm putting the information in my profile. I will enjoy talking with you. But do understand that my mind on this matter is made up.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="The Shadow, post: 1625268, member: 16760"] [Please note that there is a Shadow session - the final one - posted just before this.] My friends, I've reached a moment of decision in my life over the last couple weeks. Far-reaching changes are taking place; and one of them is that I can no longer continue this game. I'd like to leave it at that, but I do feel that I owe my loyal readers an explanation. It'll be easiest if I describe something that happened several years ago. I was a devoted MUSHer, having played a character on an Amber-themed MUSH (ie, text-based RP environment) for the previous seven years. A little too devoted. It got to the point where that game was eating up too much of my time and thoughts, and interfering with my daily life. But more than that... I came to realize that playing that character was keeping alive in me traits that I didn't like. All of my characters are images of some facet of my own personality; and playing him was giving one facet entirely too much exercise. I fought shy of admitting it for some time. But when I finally came face to face with it, after a lot of heartache, I killed the character off and had him deleted so that I could never start him up again. It was hard. Very hard. But experience showed that it was the right thing to do; many things in my life started going right again shortly afterward. Well... today I came to the same realization about Alex. And once again, I've fought shy of admitting it for a matter of weeks. I think it's the suggestions for further developments of campaign support that finally brought it to the surface where I had to look at it. I'm spending too much time, effort, and thought on this game, pure and simple. And playing Alex has ceased to be good for me, much as I enjoy it. He is a good and strong but very flawed man (much like my MUSH character was, but in a totally different way); and just as before I find that playing out his flaws magnifies flaws in me that I cannot tolerate being magnified. I'm not the kind of guy to do things by halves. I don't think cutting back will help. I just have to stop. God knows, I'll miss the guy - and Carlos (who is also a mirror of me in a great many ways, I'm very fond of him), and David, and the rest of the gang. But he's not good for me any more. I'll treasure the memory of him, but I just can't continue to play him. (And the same, I regret to say, goes for my character Paratwa in MDSnowman's Chain Gang game.) What I really regret about this is the effect it has on you guys. I never intended to string anyone along; I fully intended to mine the rich potential of this game for years. But it's not to be. I ask you to forgive me. Feel free to use the world, and the character, in whatever way you choose provided that SuentisPo goes along with it. I debated today whether it was best to make a clean break or to wind things down in a couple adventures, and regretfully decided that the former is best. I tried things the other way on the MUSH, and it only made things much harder for me and the people I played with. The campaign has reached an interlude point in any case; this is how I'd like to remember it. I very much hope to continue the relationships I've formed with people on this board and ENWorld - notably Ronin, Mitchell, Lela, and PsychoBlonde. I'll probably stay away from the boards for a while as I bring my life into order (my decision about the Shadow is only part of a wide-ranging series of life-decisions I've been making today), but that doesn't reflect at all on the good company. Please feel welcome to contact me by email or on AIM if you wish; I'm putting the information in my profile. I will enjoy talking with you. But do understand that my mind on this matter is made up. [/QUOTE]
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