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The Unemployed Adventures of Mervyn the Savvy Kobold Captive (complete short story)
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<blockquote data-quote="Dr Midnight" data-source="post: 4389601" data-attributes="member: 69"><p>The two adventurers and their kobold captive crouched in the hallway adjoining the next room. Mervyn was speaking in a low voice. "Okay, check it out. Through this next room are some traps."</p><p></p><p>"What kinds of traps?"</p><p></p><p>"Dart traps. Step on a floor tile, it shoots at you. Standard stuff. Trouble is, we just had it installed recently so I couldn't even tell you where the exact tiles are. Just stay clear of the sarcophagi and you'll be fine. I know what you're thinking... there's no undead in those sarcophagi. Not a problem."</p><p></p><p>"Wait a stinkin' minute," Alice sneered. "I don't like that 'e's not tellin' where the trapped tiles are."</p><p></p><p>"Alice, babe, I'm not pulling your leg. I really don't know. Most of us don't. We just lost a guy last week to the trap. Thunk! Dead." </p><p></p><p>Dungeon Bob rubbed his chin. "All right, we keep a wide berth around the sarcophagi."</p><p></p><p>The kobold went on. "Louis, his name was. I never liked the guy anyway. Told a lot of racist jokes. He had this one joke about... uh... oh yeah: 'What's the difference between a hobgoblin and an otyugh? The teeth.' I don't even GET that one." "</p><p></p><p>"Alice, you take point."</p><p></p><p>"We joke around a lot down here. Mike from the first room, you should see the impressions he can do... except whoops, he's dead now. Never mind."</p><p></p><p>Alice wrenched Mervyn's arms back by the hemp rope that tied them. "Shut up."</p><p></p><p>"Sure, sure. Oh! Wait."</p><p></p><p>"What?"</p><p></p><p>"Um. This is awkward, but... I'm going to make a fuss. Like I'm your unwilling captive, I'm trying to escape at every waking moment, yadda yadda." </p><p></p><p>Dungeon Bob crossed his arms. "Why's that, Mervyn? I thought we could trust you."</p><p></p><p>"You can, you can! It's just that I gotta play it safe, y'know? If we go through this place and I'm leading you onward and we're acting like bosom pals, that's gonna be bad for me if, and I mean IF, you guys get taken down. I'm just saying it can happen and I've gotta keep up appearances, have all my options open. I think that's not unreasonable." He paused and saw that he needed just a little push to make it over the top. "Of course you can trust me. Bob... Bobby. I'm your white knight."</p><p></p><p>"Fine, let's go." </p><p></p><p>Dungeon Bob came out firing his crossbow and Alice ran into the room trailing a wildly shrieking and hissing Mervyn. The three kobolds in the area ran off through the next corridor. The group walked carefully around the sarcophagi. "Why they runnoft?" Alice asked.</p><p></p><p>"Well, in all honesty, the next room's better to face a group of intruders from. They were probably just serving as lookout here and then reporting back as soon as you arrived."</p><p></p><p>There was a makeshift altar in the far corner of the room. There was a small sack atop it. "What's this?" Dungeon Bob asked. </p><p></p><p>"Oh, that's our altar to Tiamat. We make a small monetary sacrifice to her now and then. It's the least we can do."</p><p></p><p>Alice started walking toward the sack. "Munny!"</p><p></p><p>"Hey, whoa babe, let's slow down. That's not fair play!"</p><p></p><p>"What you prattlin' about? It's free munny, you ain't in a position to argue."</p><p></p><p>"Come on Alice. That's a sacrifice we made to Tiamat. Taking that's just not cool."</p><p></p><p>Dungeon Bob sighed. "Leave it."</p><p></p><p>"Awww," Alice groaned.</p><p></p><p>"Thanks you guys. Hey, listen. I've been thinking. This has gone pretty well. What say, and I'm just throwing this out there, if at the end of this thing you agree that I've been really helpful... you cut me in on a share. Eh?"</p><p></p><p>"A share of the treasure?"</p><p></p><p>"Yeah! The dragon hide proceeds and all that. I could join the group proper, make the assimilation into civilized society, finally break free of the stigma of kobold life."</p><p></p><p>Alice looked at Dungeon Bob like she smelled something she wasn't responsible for. Bob nodded at her. She belched in response. "All right, agreed," Bob said to Mervyn. "IF you're alive, and IF you help us past the further traps and challenges, and IF you prove worthy, we'll make you a third partner in the treasure."</p><p></p><p>"Wow, this is fantastic. You guys are class. No longer will I have to be a kobold slinger. You know how often those 'glue shot' bullets burst open on you? It's impossible to get out of clothes." </p><p></p><p>They walked on to the next room.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Dr Midnight, post: 4389601, member: 69"] The two adventurers and their kobold captive crouched in the hallway adjoining the next room. Mervyn was speaking in a low voice. "Okay, check it out. Through this next room are some traps." "What kinds of traps?" "Dart traps. Step on a floor tile, it shoots at you. Standard stuff. Trouble is, we just had it installed recently so I couldn't even tell you where the exact tiles are. Just stay clear of the sarcophagi and you'll be fine. I know what you're thinking... there's no undead in those sarcophagi. Not a problem." "Wait a stinkin' minute," Alice sneered. "I don't like that 'e's not tellin' where the trapped tiles are." "Alice, babe, I'm not pulling your leg. I really don't know. Most of us don't. We just lost a guy last week to the trap. Thunk! Dead." Dungeon Bob rubbed his chin. "All right, we keep a wide berth around the sarcophagi." The kobold went on. "Louis, his name was. I never liked the guy anyway. Told a lot of racist jokes. He had this one joke about... uh... oh yeah: 'What's the difference between a hobgoblin and an otyugh? The teeth.' I don't even GET that one." " "Alice, you take point." "We joke around a lot down here. Mike from the first room, you should see the impressions he can do... except whoops, he's dead now. Never mind." Alice wrenched Mervyn's arms back by the hemp rope that tied them. "Shut up." "Sure, sure. Oh! Wait." "What?" "Um. This is awkward, but... I'm going to make a fuss. Like I'm your unwilling captive, I'm trying to escape at every waking moment, yadda yadda." Dungeon Bob crossed his arms. "Why's that, Mervyn? I thought we could trust you." "You can, you can! It's just that I gotta play it safe, y'know? If we go through this place and I'm leading you onward and we're acting like bosom pals, that's gonna be bad for me if, and I mean IF, you guys get taken down. I'm just saying it can happen and I've gotta keep up appearances, have all my options open. I think that's not unreasonable." He paused and saw that he needed just a little push to make it over the top. "Of course you can trust me. Bob... Bobby. I'm your white knight." "Fine, let's go." Dungeon Bob came out firing his crossbow and Alice ran into the room trailing a wildly shrieking and hissing Mervyn. The three kobolds in the area ran off through the next corridor. The group walked carefully around the sarcophagi. "Why they runnoft?" Alice asked. "Well, in all honesty, the next room's better to face a group of intruders from. They were probably just serving as lookout here and then reporting back as soon as you arrived." There was a makeshift altar in the far corner of the room. There was a small sack atop it. "What's this?" Dungeon Bob asked. "Oh, that's our altar to Tiamat. We make a small monetary sacrifice to her now and then. It's the least we can do." Alice started walking toward the sack. "Munny!" "Hey, whoa babe, let's slow down. That's not fair play!" "What you prattlin' about? It's free munny, you ain't in a position to argue." "Come on Alice. That's a sacrifice we made to Tiamat. Taking that's just not cool." Dungeon Bob sighed. "Leave it." "Awww," Alice groaned. "Thanks you guys. Hey, listen. I've been thinking. This has gone pretty well. What say, and I'm just throwing this out there, if at the end of this thing you agree that I've been really helpful... you cut me in on a share. Eh?" "A share of the treasure?" "Yeah! The dragon hide proceeds and all that. I could join the group proper, make the assimilation into civilized society, finally break free of the stigma of kobold life." Alice looked at Dungeon Bob like she smelled something she wasn't responsible for. Bob nodded at her. She belched in response. "All right, agreed," Bob said to Mervyn. "IF you're alive, and IF you help us past the further traps and challenges, and IF you prove worthy, we'll make you a third partner in the treasure." "Wow, this is fantastic. You guys are class. No longer will I have to be a kobold slinger. You know how often those 'glue shot' bullets burst open on you? It's impossible to get out of clothes." They walked on to the next room. [/QUOTE]
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