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The Unemployed Adventures of Mervyn the Savvy Kobold Captive (complete short story)
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<blockquote data-quote="Dr Midnight" data-source="post: 4389718" data-attributes="member: 69"><p>Dungeon Bob woke up. He was lying in a thatch of trees fifty feet from the entrance to the kobold hall. Alice was beside him. Mervyn was lying exhausted against a pine.</p><p></p><p>"What happened?" </p><p></p><p>Mervyn panted. "I... you... got taken down. I convinced them that... as revenge for killing Joe and Mike, that I wanted to deal with you myself. They said... fine, take them to the slime pit and dump 'em in. I dragged you away."</p><p></p><p>"You dragged us all the way out here?"</p><p></p><p>"Yeah."</p><p></p><p>"Up two flights of stairs?"</p><p></p><p>"Oh yeah."</p><p></p><p>"How?"</p><p></p><p>Mervyn thought for a second and shook his head. "I don't even know. My arms are trembling. I think I blacked out twice."</p><p></p><p>Alice sat up and rubbed her head. "So whut now?" </p><p></p><p>"Well, you guys can heal up in an instant... you're resting, so for some reason you'll go from mortally wounded to just peachy in five minutes' time." </p><p></p><p>"What doesn't make sense about that?" Dungeon Bob asked.</p><p></p><p>"Yeah, it's perfectly senzible," Alice agreed.</p><p></p><p>"Uh, sure," Mervyn shrugged. "Thing is, I can't go back now. They'll have figured out by now that I didn't drag you to the slime pit. I'm ousted... on the lam... cooked."</p><p></p><p>"We'll go back to town for a day or two and you can recuperate. We'll also outfit you with proper adventuring gear."</p><p></p><p>"Really? That's fantastic babe, let's do it."</p><p></p><p>TWO DAYS LATER</p><p></p><p>"Wow, those were two very relaxing, eventful and detailed days in town," Mervyn said. "I really liked getting to know human society. Y'know, getting a feel for the hustle and bustle of the city. Now let's go back into the dungeon and get that dragon hide!"</p><p></p><p>TWO HOURS LATER</p><p></p><p>"Wow, that was a really intense series of encounters we just went through," Mervyn said. "But here we are at the big boss' cave. Now, mind you... this is a dragon. The real deal."</p><p></p><p>"'E's a dragon?" </p><p></p><p>"That's right pumpkin. Big white one. Deadly. We can do it though, we're unstoppable together! Let's go."</p><p></p><p>The group stepped into the cave. Mervyn stood behind Dungeon Bob, who stood beside Alice. Cold air mingled with their breath, and they exhaled frosty plumes. Somewhere in the cave, the sound of enormous lungs rumbled against the walls. </p><p></p><p>The dragon leapt out and soared on immense white wings to where the group stood. It landed and breathed an immense cloud of frozen air, bathing the heroes in ice. It roared and brandished its teeth in wide, gleaming arcs. </p><p></p><p>"To victory!" Dungeon Bob yelled. He ran forward. </p><p></p><p>"What 'e said!" Alice yelled. She ran forward. </p><p></p><p>Mervyn, frozen and terrified, watched from behind a stalagmite as his two companions approached the ice dragon. Within forty seconds, the two were dead... proper dead. Crushed into reddish slush on the ground. The dragon licked its maws contentedly, and noticed Mervyn.</p><p></p><p>"You there," the dragon called. "Was that all of them?"</p><p></p><p>Mervyn stood up, his legs shaking. "Yes, that was it."</p><p></p><p>"Good. How many of you are left?"</p><p></p><p>"How many... of me?"</p><p></p><p>"Yes!" the dragon cried impatiently. "How many kobolds are left?"</p><p></p><p>"Oh. Um. Just me."</p><p></p><p>"Ahh, that's a shame. Well, you're now my second-in command. Recruit some new help and reset the traps."</p><p></p><p>"Yes sir! I was just saying to Debbie the other day that I had some big ideas for this place. We can make it great again, you know. I believe in what we do here, and I think after this minor setback we can be better than ever."</p><p></p><p>"Great! You seem like a kobold with real vision. Write up a proposal and hit me with it at your convenience. For now, get to work."</p><p></p><p>"Thank you sir. We'll do lunch. Ciao!"</p><p></p><p>And that's the story of how Mervyn the kobold got promoted. </p><p></p><p>THE END</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Dr Midnight, post: 4389718, member: 69"] Dungeon Bob woke up. He was lying in a thatch of trees fifty feet from the entrance to the kobold hall. Alice was beside him. Mervyn was lying exhausted against a pine. "What happened?" Mervyn panted. "I... you... got taken down. I convinced them that... as revenge for killing Joe and Mike, that I wanted to deal with you myself. They said... fine, take them to the slime pit and dump 'em in. I dragged you away." "You dragged us all the way out here?" "Yeah." "Up two flights of stairs?" "Oh yeah." "How?" Mervyn thought for a second and shook his head. "I don't even know. My arms are trembling. I think I blacked out twice." Alice sat up and rubbed her head. "So whut now?" "Well, you guys can heal up in an instant... you're resting, so for some reason you'll go from mortally wounded to just peachy in five minutes' time." "What doesn't make sense about that?" Dungeon Bob asked. "Yeah, it's perfectly senzible," Alice agreed. "Uh, sure," Mervyn shrugged. "Thing is, I can't go back now. They'll have figured out by now that I didn't drag you to the slime pit. I'm ousted... on the lam... cooked." "We'll go back to town for a day or two and you can recuperate. We'll also outfit you with proper adventuring gear." "Really? That's fantastic babe, let's do it." TWO DAYS LATER "Wow, those were two very relaxing, eventful and detailed days in town," Mervyn said. "I really liked getting to know human society. Y'know, getting a feel for the hustle and bustle of the city. Now let's go back into the dungeon and get that dragon hide!" TWO HOURS LATER "Wow, that was a really intense series of encounters we just went through," Mervyn said. "But here we are at the big boss' cave. Now, mind you... this is a dragon. The real deal." "'E's a dragon?" "That's right pumpkin. Big white one. Deadly. We can do it though, we're unstoppable together! Let's go." The group stepped into the cave. Mervyn stood behind Dungeon Bob, who stood beside Alice. Cold air mingled with their breath, and they exhaled frosty plumes. Somewhere in the cave, the sound of enormous lungs rumbled against the walls. The dragon leapt out and soared on immense white wings to where the group stood. It landed and breathed an immense cloud of frozen air, bathing the heroes in ice. It roared and brandished its teeth in wide, gleaming arcs. "To victory!" Dungeon Bob yelled. He ran forward. "What 'e said!" Alice yelled. She ran forward. Mervyn, frozen and terrified, watched from behind a stalagmite as his two companions approached the ice dragon. Within forty seconds, the two were dead... proper dead. Crushed into reddish slush on the ground. The dragon licked its maws contentedly, and noticed Mervyn. "You there," the dragon called. "Was that all of them?" Mervyn stood up, his legs shaking. "Yes, that was it." "Good. How many of you are left?" "How many... of me?" "Yes!" the dragon cried impatiently. "How many kobolds are left?" "Oh. Um. Just me." "Ahh, that's a shame. Well, you're now my second-in command. Recruit some new help and reset the traps." "Yes sir! I was just saying to Debbie the other day that I had some big ideas for this place. We can make it great again, you know. I believe in what we do here, and I think after this minor setback we can be better than ever." "Great! You seem like a kobold with real vision. Write up a proposal and hit me with it at your convenience. For now, get to work." "Thank you sir. We'll do lunch. Ciao!" And that's the story of how Mervyn the kobold got promoted. THE END [/QUOTE]
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