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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Goonalan" data-source="post: 1712436" data-attributes="member: 16069">The Wannabe & Original Wednesday Knights.SESSION XXXVIII.Woodnesday 5th Apron 2000A Quiet Pint.Characters taking part in eventsBob Male Human Ranger 3 Priest of Kord 1 (Emma)Cinch Male Goblin Monk 1 (Erin)Endrin Male Human Bard 4 Sorcerer 2 (Wayne)Felix Male Dwarf Deep Druid 1 Priest of Moradin 1 (Tomo)Fred Male Human Fighter 1 (Emma) Greta Goldgarth Female Elven Priest of Corellan 2 (Wayne)Jerky Timbers Female Gnome Priest of Pelor 1 (Kev.M.)Lea Female Halfling Thief 2 (Erin)Liandri Male Elf Rogue 4 Wizard 2 (Kev.M.)Mallaria Female Half-Elf Barbarian 2 Fighter 1 (Tomo)Sayon Female Elf Rogue 1 Fighter 1 (Erin)Whirlwind Male Human Fighter 2 (Wayne)Zanakand Male Dwarf Fighter 2 (Kev.M.)“I’m Ham Slaad and your watching SCRY SPATS the foremost purveyor of quality tussling in all forms. We’re here tonight in the Pig-in-a-Poke Inn, Carimor for the DRINKING, which no doubt if the form book runs true, will climax in the SCUFFLING, and if we’re very lucky the SCUFFLING WITH SWORDS.”“Well as you can see behind me the competition is pretty well advanced- so let’s catch up with some of the previous events of the evening.”“Oh, you’ll like this one- priceless.”Cinch, a Goblin Monk, with no knowledge or understanding of alcohol stands in the centre of the bar, grinning like a fool- apt really. He swigs at huge foaming mug, each time he comes up for air he looks a little less sure of himself- the smile begins to slip.A minute later the mug is slammed down on the table in front of the Goblin, the creature summons up a strange smile then topples forward almost at attention. The Goblins skull makes contact with the table.CRACKThe table breaks apart, cleanly cleft in two- the Monk does not stir.“HI-YAH KARATE. What a way to go… but Cinch wasn’t the only one…”Guntha, a huge Orc Barbarian, pitches forward and into the replacement table, which has been moved back considerably- just not far enough however.CRACKThe table does not break; the Barbarian slowly sits up and smiles.“I’m s’all s’right.”He whistles through a massive gap where his front teeth once were. The lost pegs are the shown embedded in the edge of the table.“Crazy guys these Tozar Barbarian- they’ll eat anything- very toothsome the tables around here… Huh huh just my little joke. Next up, or should I say, down…”Jerky Timbers, a slight (emaciated) Gnome Priest of Pelor, looks confused- then topples forward.THUNKMissing the edge of the table by three or four feet. “Close but no cigar, still those three fared better than this father and son team, still they looked better for it at the end- just watch.”Two dishevelled, extremely corpulent and, of course, inebriated members of the Carimor farming community shuffle and smile as the home crowd spurs them on. They each clutch small glasses of bright red liquid, which steam slightly. They swig down their drinks in unison, swallow, turn and nod to each other and then back to the crowd and smile broadly holding their glasses aloft in victory.The larger of the two, obviously the father of the pairing, goes to shout something, instead a Technicolor yawn of titanic proportions jets out across the crowd. The son turns to his father and goes to speak- you can imagine the results.The scene shifts and lurches, the sound track a mess of belching, farting and vomiting- over low level screams.“An hour later the Carimor Games Safety Inspector declared the Inn safe to return to, over fifty gallons of acidic bile were swilled from the Bar- you’ll be pleased to see however…”The same father and son team shuffles into view each a good hundred pounds lighter- stick-like.“… That all’s well that ends well. The way these two were going I thought their chances of survival were, well, slim. How are you feeling guys?”“SqFineeak.”“SqSmashingeak.”“Good to hear gents. But that wasn’t the end of it- no way, check out this guy.”The action has moved to outside the Inn, clean up crews beaver away in the background sweeping out lakes of bubbling liquid that smoke gently- the odd hiccup and belch can still be heard from within the Inn.Endrin stands in the centre of a ring of eager onlookers, he holds a glowing crystal goblet of gently fizzing pale wine. He raises his glass and makes his toast.“For all the women I’ve loved before, as I said at the time…”He scans the crowd making numerous nods, winks and glances- a chorus of farmers wives and daughters turn away and flush in response.”“… Bottoms up.”In two gulps the wine is gone. Endrin stands tall and lifts the wine glass high in salute, shrill cheers fogged by deep voiced grumblings.Endrins smile lasts, despite the white foam that starts as a drip and then rapidly progresses to a waterfall fizzing from his mouth.“I F’ay. Fotts Fiss. FOTTS FFAPPENING.”Endrin, now two thirds foam, slumps to the ground and begins to flop and wriggle like a fish out of water, all the time spurts of foam fountain and splash.“FfuFFing Fto Fwurry Fabout. FI’me FFFine.”The laughter is deep and booming, with a background of tutted sympathy.“Hey guy, where’s the fire? Endrin the Bard- an entertainer to the end. But it didn’t end there- we’ve got some hidden footage of Endrin’s later explanations to a gang of irate farmers what exactly he had been doing with their significant others- watch out for the haymaker from the huge hayseed on the right.”POWEndrin’s face is shown in extreme close up as if slammed up against some clear screen.“I’m afraid we’ve gotta cut the highlights show there, we’re live now, back in the Pig-in-a-Poke Inn. It’s the semi-final, the Tozar barbarians have dominated this event, as we expected, in fact the semi-finalists are all Tozar. Dunk, Bukowski, Chief Eke Thump and wait for it, Mallaria.”The four semi-finalist eye each other suspiciously- actually three to one, the Tozars stare at the ex-Tozar, Mallaria- grins and waves back at each in turn, they fume back.Four small purple shot glasses are brought out- seconds later all four are drunk.The three barbarians- fizz and yap while pulling strange, unpleasant, faces.NeeeeAAAtT YATTT TARRRMEE-MOO MEE-MOOWADA WADA WADA WADAFinally they straighten and turn to stare at the unmoving Mallaria- statue still, glass in hand.Eventually, the crowd hushes…BROOCK BROK BROK BRRROOOOK BROK BROKMallaria moves off at a staccato pace, delicately lifting her legs and placing them carefully and deliberately back down again; hands tucked into her armpits, flapping like wings. She stalks the circle made by the crowd- pecking, the laughter begins.The barbarians fold their arms over their chests and settle back to enjoy the scene. Mallaria continues her merry dance- clucking and squawking all the while.She cosies up to Eke eventually squatting at the huge barbarian chief’s feet.BRRRRRRROOOOOOOOCK BBBBBBRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOKEke looks down; still wracked with laughter, at the straining Mallaria, the crowd continue to scream their delight.BRK!Mallaria shuffles off her perch quickly.The ripple of the crowd’s laughter begins to turn into gasps and silence.Till only Eke continues to laugh- long and loud, finally he notices the surrounding silence- he looks down to see, incapable of laying an egg Mallaria has done the best she can- in the circumstances.A wisp of steam curls upwards.The image lurches violently a huge roar from the desecrated Chieftain.RRRRRRAAAAAAYYYYYGGGEEEEImagine Tyson versus a fine British Athlete- Jayne Torvill, maybe. You get the picture.Sometime later.“Well after that monumental battering it was decided to make Chief Eke Thump the winner of the event, there seemed little point in continuing with the competition, particularly as Chief Eke Thump has confirmed that he had won. So that’s settled then, a clear victory for the Tozar barbarians, a clean sweep of the medals.”“Well it’s 2 AM here at the Pig-in-a-Poke, Carimor. We’ve seen some top action, some premier scuffling and projectile vomiting the like of which hasn’t been seen since that infamous PHIL COLLINS incident. The competition is on a knife-edge; with that last 1-2-3 the Tozar barbarians are only a point adrift and are clear favourites for the final event. In the individual competition it’s still too close to call- it’s Liandri and Eke tied in first with Bob and Donk closely following them.”“So till tomorrow, 11 AM and the Big Run over Jumps and Bumps and that, the final hurdle as it were, this’ll separate the men from the boys, the cooks from the broth, the gathering stone from its moss.”“You’ve been watching Ham Slaad on SCRY SPATS- remember, to be in with a fighting chance watch SCRY SPATS. G’night and sleep tight, and don’t have nightmares.”Thorsday 6th Apron 2000 We interrupt this broadcast.Characters presentBob Male Human Ranger 3 Priest of Kord 1 (Emma)Fred Male Human Fighter 1 (Emma) Jerky Timbers Female Gnome Priest of Pelor 1 (Kev.M.)Liandri Male Elf Rogue 4 Wizard 2 (Kev.M.)Mallaria Female Half-Elf Barbarian 2 Fighter 1 (Tomo)Sayon Female Elf Rogue 1 Fighter 1 (Erin)Zanakand Male Dwarf Fighter 2 (Kev.M.)“It’s not tomorrow, it can’t be I haven’t slept yet.”Zan is roughly shaken awake, it’s 4 AM in the morning, many of the competing adventurers have had just two hours sleep- for others, in the thick of last night’s action like Mallaria & Endrin, there’s been no rest- their wounds having prevented them from sleeping at all.“We need help, please,”Arthur Tremble, the proprietor of the Inn gathers any adventurers that he can rouse, minutes later the group assemble in the bar, talking in whispers as they complete their dress. There are some monster hangovers present.“I’m sorry to wake you.”SHAAARRRGGHHSHHHSHHHHFECKSHHH“Oh, right.”Arthur switches to a loud whisper; the seven adventurers huddle around to hear.“Four farmers went looking for a goat this evening- they told their friends that it had been stolen and they had found tracks and were going to follow them and get it back, they’d been drinking, and foolishly left with only an hours worth of light left. We’ve only just discovered they’re still missing, they’ve been gone for hours now, and… well one of them’s my brother. I tried to wait for the morning, but I can’t- I’ll give free food and board for as long as you live to any of you, all of you- if you can get him back safely. I’m so sorry to wake you… I had to ask, please, pl…”Arthur begins to break down and cry.“We’ll find them.”Bob steps forward, followed by Jerky, Fred, Sayon, Zan, Liandri and finally Mallaria, who’s in no state to go anywhere.“Mallaria, you shouldn’t…”GRRRR“Ok, but take it easy.”Bob shrugs and catches up with All Star Wednesday Knights, as they in turn follow Arthur to the goat pens. Torches and lanterns are lit en-route.A little later, at the goat pen. Mallaria squats next to Bob, the two look at each-“Ogre.”The tracks lead out of Carimor, naturally, Arthur is sent back to the Inn and the Knights head off.Just short of an hour later the Knights are spread around a low rise looking down into a stony area with a cave on the far side- a fire burns in the entrance and Liandri is certain he can see a figure hunched in the darkness. Every now and then a goat or sheep can be heard bleating.Liandri is sent forward to check out the lay of the land- five minutes later he signals to the Knights and Mallaria steps up to the plate.She shuffles her way forward into the rocky clearing and towards the fire, the hunched figure straightens and steps into the light, dressed in simple leathers, the young human squints at Mallaria as she approaches.“Who goes there? Who are you? I’m armed.”“My name’s Mallaria, I hope it’s not you that’s got my goat.”The young guy looks up as Liandri stumbles about to launch himself at the human.“JERRY.”He screams and then runs into the cave- cover blown the Knights quickly emerge from hiding and hotfoot it down to the cave. Once there they draw weapons and creep forward.“I think I can hear something.”Bursting from the cave entrance comes a pair of goats moving at high speed, followed by three sheep at a fast trot, one crashes into Zan sending the pair thudding to the ground.The Dwarf wrestles the ram for a short time before it gets free and charges off.Thirty seconds of heart stopping silence follow punctuated by the loping slap of something much larger approaching from the cave.“Ogre.”The Knights ready themselves for the onslaught.CLOPCLOPA bemused cow appears in the firelight, and wanders, seemingly without a concern in the world, through the statue like line of fighters- who simply stare, trying not to giggle.RRRRRaaaaaaaRRRRRRThe Ogre charges out of the cave mouth, a huge club in one hand- it swats at the flatfooted Knights.Sadly the Ogre misses.A dagger whizzes out of the darkness certain to bury itself in Mallaria’s gut, that is until the barbarian at the last moment flings herself right… the dagger passes harmlessly by. However in avoidance Mallaria crashes into the wall of the cave mouth and “lights out”, slumps to the floor.Liandri sees his chance and leaps down, narrowly missing the Ogre, however he lands softly and silently behind the creature- next time.The other Knights unfreeze- Jerky, Holy Symbol in hand, fires of a Cause Fear spell which has an instant effect.MMMMMMMMMMUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMThe Ogre jumps backwardsAAGHKnocking over Liandri and for a second crushing him underfoot, the Elf sucks in air and curls into a ball.The young human goat thief sees his opportunity and bursts from the cave and through the Knights line, in the hole left by the downed Mallaria. The Ogre quickly finds his senses, as the other Knights close in- it looks down to see Liandri, still curled in a ball- nothing else for it. The giant kicks the Elf, who skids, slides and tumbles into the fire.AAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH.Jerky quickly drags Liandri from the conflagration, beating the flames out to leave charred and singed patches in the Elf’s armour and clothes.Zan is slightly wounded, and Bob takes a nick but the result is never in doubt, the Ogre is quickly slain. The cave lair is empty, apart from the collected faeces of the mini-stampede. In short a dead end.The Knights grab hold of Mallaria and Liandri and head for Carimor as fast as they can.5.30 AM and the Knights, sans Mallaria, who’s been put back to bed, are stood again in the bar of the Inn, listening intently to Arthur’s four year old son-“Then they ad annuver drink, an Uncle Alan said something about the frogging goat, no that’s no it, more like frugging goat… I can’t remember. Then one of the others, the tall one, the one that smells like that cheese, anyway he said that the broody goat was gone- then they started pushing, and one of them swore… he did, not Uncle Alan though.”“And then?”“Can I have a biscuit?”“After.”“Can I have two biscuits?”“Yes, after, what happened next?”“Can I have some jam?”“ – “Liandri steps between Arthur and his lad, picks the kid up and pins him to the wall with one hand, while in the other a gleaming stiletto dagger appears,“Tell me where they went.”“Theyleftinacarttheywentonthesouthroadandthenwentcrosscountry.”"Thank you.”Liandri drops the kid who begins to ball his eyes out. Arthur steps forward.“You bastard, I’m going to…”“Get your brother back, hopefully, out the way.”Liandri strides off, the Knights mouth apologies and follow after.Ten minutes later they’ve followed deep rutted cart tracks to a strange spot which in the half-light of the rising sun seems to have seen some action.“They were ambushed, here, three- maybe more, there’s no blood- there wasn’t much of a struggle.”The others look on as Bob goes to work.“Soon after they turned the cart round and headed off… in that direction, the horses remained calm throughout. We follow.”Bob points and then head down leads off, they follow the trail for twenty more minutes when Bob quickly signals for them to stop, then hide. Four figures appear moving through the brush, they get close enough for Bob to recognise them, they’re locals.“Hold. Where are you heading?”The four farmers recognise the Ranger and the other Knights from the games.“There are men moving through the land, a little to the West of here, we were looking for our friends when we spotted them. Have you found anything?”“Your friends were ambushed back there, we’re following cart tracks, see. The men you saw- did they have a cart? How many of them were there? Which direction were they heading?”“No there was no cart, they were moving very slowly, like old men. There were four of them with hooded robes. I think they were heading west,”“Mmm, a similar direction to the cart tracks, clearly they’re not the men we seek. Liandri go with these men and see what you can see, then return here and follow after us- quickly, You people take Liandri to where you last saw these men- then return him here, then go back to Carimor- it very busy out here tonight- not a place for farmers.”And so Liandri heads off with the farmers soon to discover the temporary camp of four robed figures who are taking tea, hooded and cloaked against the cold morning. Liandri spends a few minutes observing their actions before urging the farmers to speed him back to the cart trail.Thirty minutes later Liandri has caught up and delivered his report.“Four humans, one looked to be an old man. It wasn’t them- they seemed in good cheer- taking tea, travellers probably.”Bob nods and the Knights hit the trail again.7.30 AM and something strange looms into view, the Knights creep forward to the outskirts of a clearing in which stand two crudely and newly constructed buildings- single story, both fairly small- no more than single chambers. A tent sits between the buildings; ringed by six strange creatures- human Zombies.Instinctively the Knights know they’re journey is at an end- as they are about to sneak back to discuss tactics a door opens and into the light comes a group of robed figures. The three figures are carrying scythes.“Feck.”“What?”“Scythes.”“So?”“Death God.”“They could be farmers… with Zombies.”Everyone stares at Sayon for a while.The group of Priests break up, heading in different directions- Zan kicks into action, slightly ahead of schedule.”“Bastard.”THWONGThe heavy crossbow bolt thuds into Jonyez the Butcher, leader of this evil triumvirate, jolting him backwards- he screams and runs for cover.The Knights break cover while the six Zombies shamble towards them, Jonyez and another priest hang well back spell casting, the third priest scarpers into the smaller brick built chamber. The Knights begin to chop through the Zombies- two are already down, however from the smaller chamber emerges a gaggle of skeletons- who charge into the fray. It gets serious.All of the Knights, except Sayon, have been wounded and still three Zombies and four Skeletons are standing, summoned Fiendish Dire Rats are appearing everywhere, nibbling and attacking the Knights from behind.Fred takes a thump to the side of his head from a Zombie and crumples to the ground.Zan smashes down a Skeleton and charges into Egarhz, the Priest that released the Skeletons, thumping the Priest sending him spinning to the floor. Zan is prevented from following up on his attack when a Fiendish Dire Rat attacks him from behind while a Skeleton also rushes to attack. Egarhz heals and edges away.Liandri also manages to break free of the general melee and lands a devastating blow to Jonyez; the Priest flees back into the second, slightly larger, building- from which spill another half-dozen Skeletons, preventing Liandri from following.Jerky steps out of the fight and raises his Holy Symbol- eventually he manages to scare a few of the bonies away; alas the respite is not for long. Chlaghen, the remaining Priest, raises his Holy Symbol, and after a short battle of wills, the Skeletons return to the fray. Jerky panics and retreats out of the fight and into the long grass surrounding the encampment, her veins running cold courtesy of a Cause Fear spell.Bob reacts to this, finds some space, and charges through the crowd at Chlaghen- he smashes him to the ground and slays him but not before being scythed and slashed terribly across his chest.Sayon briefly ends up fighting a Fiendish Dire Rat within the tent, but soon slays the creature and emerges to fight on.Meanwhile from within the larger building, into which Jonyez fled, come terrible screams of pain.And so we come to the end of the 38th Turn, Bob (badly hurt), Liandri (hurt), Zan (badly hurt) & Sayon (unhurt) fight on against a scrum of three Zombies, eight Skeletons and a Fiendish Dire Rat, Egarhz bolsters the undead.Five yards away Fred lies spread eagled on the floor- dead to the world.Jerky (slightly wounded), courtesy of a Cause Fear spell, stalks the grasslands afraid to return to the fray.In the larger chamber something screams loud enough to wake the dead… perhaps.And so endeth Turn 38.Next Turn… The Bitch is Back.</blockquote>

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