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<blockquote data-quote="reel_big_gish" data-source="post: 3037597" data-attributes="member: 43520">devrimk: I'm sorry, but War Machine is unacceptable.&nbsp; First, I know almost nothing of your character.&nbsp; You've given him a goal, which is a good start, but everything else about him screams generic.&nbsp; Where did he see action in the Last War?&nbsp; What led him, a being created to follow a movement abandoning national loyalties, to fight in Breland's army?&nbsp; Are any of his war buddies still around?&nbsp; Does he have any enemies?&nbsp; Friends?&nbsp; How old is he?&nbsp; Why does he think the secret to becoming flesh and blood is in Xen'Drik?Second:&nbsp; This is too vanilla.&nbsp; You could be describing any warforged with the adamantine body feat.&nbsp; How big is he?&nbsp; Is he tall but slender or short and stocky?&nbsp; What ornamentation does he bear?&nbsp; The Brelish heraldry on his chest, or perhaps dwarven script for &quot;Strength and Honor?&quot;&nbsp; Be more descriptive.Third, where's his personality?&nbsp; Warforged are acknowledged as having free will, if not souls per se.&nbsp; Why does he have to play the &quot;insensitive construct?&quot;&nbsp; Again, this is too vanilla.&nbsp; What about his personality makes him unique?Fourth, grammar is your friend.&nbsp; Know it.&nbsp; Use it.&nbsp; Love it.&nbsp; If you're not a native English speaker, I mean no offense, as English is difficult to learn as a second language.&nbsp; If you are a native English speaker, you have no excuse.&nbsp; Either way, I have difficulty trying to read what you have written, and I can't allow that to detract from my game.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="reel_big_gish, post: 3037597, member: 43520"] devrimk: I'm sorry, but War Machine is unacceptable. First, I know almost nothing of your character. You've given him a goal, which is a good start, but everything else about him screams generic. Where did he see action in the Last War? What led him, a being created to follow a movement abandoning national loyalties, to fight in Breland's army? Are any of his war buddies still around? Does he have any enemies? Friends? How old is he? Why does he think the secret to becoming flesh and blood is in Xen'Drik? Second: This is too vanilla. You could be describing any warforged with the adamantine body feat. How big is he? Is he tall but slender or short and stocky? What ornamentation does he bear? The Brelish heraldry on his chest, or perhaps dwarven script for "Strength and Honor?" Be more descriptive. Third, where's his personality? Warforged are acknowledged as having free will, if not souls per se. Why does he have to play the "insensitive construct?" Again, this is too vanilla. What about his personality makes him unique? Fourth, grammar is your friend. Know it. Use it. Love it. If you're not a native English speaker, I mean no offense, as English is difficult to learn as a second language. If you are a native English speaker, you have no excuse. Either way, I have difficulty trying to read what you have written, and I can't allow that to detract from my game. [/QUOTE]

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