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Message: <blockquote data-quote="RangerWickett" data-source="post: 2901886" data-attributes="member: 63">The other big joke of the evening revolved around one of the soldiers who was defending the hill. Combat begins.Round 1 - The machine gun emplacements on the hill open fire on the party at the base of the hill. The soldiers of the emplacements are barely visible in their trenches. Three of the emplacements have line of sight on the party. The party takes cover behind thick oak trees to make a plan.Round 2 - The soldiers keep firing, chewing up the cover the trees provide. Helicopters begin to approach from a mile away, and snipers atop the hill lend fire.Scarpedin creates a tank. Cheech Marin mentally dominates one of the soldiers in the middle trench of the three (trench 2), and tells him to kill his fellow soldiers. Billy Baldwin uses magic to sprint up the side of the hill at 100 miles an hour, toward the same trench. Don Cheadle telekinetically yanks the machine gun out of trench 3 and throws it down the hill into claymore mines. The other PCs do other stuff not important to this joke.Round 3 - The dominated soldier in trench 2 tries to shoot his comrades. His comrades disarm him and try to knock him out. Billy Baldwin arrives and uses kung fu on one of the soldiers. Cheech Marin tries to dominate the soldiers in trench 3, but fails. Scarpedin fires his cannon at the same trench (trench 3), missing wildly but alerting the men inside that it's time to get free. Two scramble east around the hill to trench 4, one scrambles west toward trench 2.Round 4 - Billy Baldwin gets hit by a machine gun burst from one of the soldiers in trench 2 and is barely hurt. He knocks that guy out. The other soldier pulls a grenade, grabs the pin, and says to back off or he'll pull the pin. Cheech Marin shoots a fireball at trench 3, setting off the ammo and catching the two soldiers who were heading east. The ammo explosion is huge, but the one soldier who headed west (who looks, we realize now, like Kurt Russell) has evasion, and he takes no damage.This soldier then sits up in the grass, lifts a portable rocket launcher to his shoulder, and fires at Scarpedin's tank. The shot, from 400 feet away, barely misses.Round 5 - Scarpedin fires another shot from his tank, again missing wildly. The dominated soldier in trench 2 shoots the grenade-holding soldier in the back, causing him to pull the pin. Billy Baldwin frantically grabs the grenade and throws it away . . . in the direction of the one surviving soldier of trench 3.This soldier, however, has evasion, and he makes his save. He sees the grenade flying toward him, and he uses his empty rocket launcher like a baseball bat to knock the grenade away. It explodes in mid-air, and he is unharmed.Cheech Marin sees the soldier going for another rocket launcher in the wreckage of his trench, and he decides the man is too dangerous, so he uses a powerful summoning spell to conjure a nymph to distract the man. The soldier, unfazed by dazzling feminine beauty, draws his gun and fires at her chest. The bullet (which isn't cold iron) bounces off.Round 6 - Figuring the soldier is all but taken care of, the rest of the party moves its attention elsewhere. Up on the hill, however, the nymph advances upon the soldier, trying to seduce him. He shoots her again, realizes it's pointless, and turns to run. She follows.Round 7 - The soldier's will finally breaks down as the woman leaps on him and charms him. While tanks blast the hillside and spells take out his fellow soldiers, the lone survivor of trench 3 embraces the nymph and pulls her to the ground with him. The players are amused, glad to finally have the     soldier out of the way.Round 8 - I as GM realize, crap, the soldier's in a mine field, rolling around and having sex. I say, "I'm going to roll a reflex save for the soldier."The players ask, "Why?"I say, "Because he just rolled into a claymore mine."I roll a nat 20. After blinking for a moment, I come up with a solution to this oddity."The soldier rolls toward a claymore mine, and at the last second he spins the nymph's body into the mine, so the explosion obliterates her and leaves him unharmed."Round 9 - The soldier, who we're now calling "Solid Snake," sits up in the middle of the battle, pulls out a cigarette, and lights it. He wipes a bit of nymph off his face, looks at the crater she left, and says, "You were a real blast, babe."</blockquote>

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