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<blockquote data-quote="orchid blossom" data-source="post: 1623862" data-attributes="member: 12815">Well, now that I'm more awake...[spoiler]As I already said, I liked knowing that the protagonist was some kind of supernatural something early on, although I'll admit to not picking up &quot;devil&quot; till shortly before we saw his true form.&nbsp; I liked all the temperature references.&nbsp; His being cold all the time, his true form starting a wooden floor on fire.&nbsp; These are the kinds of details that ground a story.&nbsp; I've always imagined &quot;evil&quot; as very charismatic, and Nick definitely has that.&nbsp; No corrupter will be successful without the force of personality to bring along the fence sitters, as we saw at the beginning of the story with Ben. The only thing that bugs me is also here.&nbsp; Where he states, &quot;I liked my job.&quot;&nbsp; It seems to repeat what was said in the previous sentence.&nbsp; We've seen he enjoys himself immensely, and know he's satisfied by his work from the last sentence.&nbsp; It just seems a bit repetitive to me.&nbsp; If he was appreciative instead of satisfied, we'd get a hint about his fun with the models later and make the &quot;I liked my job,&quot; a more stand alone statement.&nbsp; IMHO, of course.When I first read the story, I felt the scene with Snulap threatening Nick was going on a little long.&nbsp; On second reading though, Nick is a guy who loves to hear himself talk and extole his own virtues, so it's perfectly fitting that's he's going to talk at his captor until he either brings him over or he snaps.All told, I enjoyed it a great deal, which should be evident since I had to get pretty specific to find much to critique.&nbsp; Thanks for a great start.[/spoiler]</blockquote>

[QUOTE="orchid blossom, post: 1623862, member: 12815"] Well, now that I'm more awake... [spoiler]As I already said, I liked knowing that the protagonist was some kind of supernatural something early on, although I'll admit to not picking up "devil" till shortly before we saw his true form. I liked all the temperature references. His being cold all the time, his true form starting a wooden floor on fire. These are the kinds of details that ground a story. I've always imagined "evil" as very charismatic, and Nick definitely has that. No corrupter will be successful without the force of personality to bring along the fence sitters, as we saw at the beginning of the story with Ben. The only thing that bugs me is also here. Where he states, "I liked my job." It seems to repeat what was said in the previous sentence. We've seen he enjoys himself immensely, and know he's satisfied by his work from the last sentence. It just seems a bit repetitive to me. If he was appreciative instead of satisfied, we'd get a hint about his fun with the models later and make the "I liked my job," a more stand alone statement. IMHO, of course. When I first read the story, I felt the scene with Snulap threatening Nick was going on a little long. On second reading though, Nick is a guy who loves to hear himself talk and extole his own virtues, so it's perfectly fitting that's he's going to talk at his captor until he either brings him over or he snaps. All told, I enjoyed it a great deal, which should be evident since I had to get pretty specific to find much to critique. Thanks for a great start.[/spoiler] [/QUOTE]

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