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<blockquote data-quote="Zhaneel" data-source="post: 1635097" data-attributes="member: 15829">BSF's storyVery interesting.&nbsp; I have notes about the story and now realize I didn't note much about the picture usage.&nbsp; Which means, to me, they were so well integrated that I didn't think about them.&nbsp; Let's see, the bird pic was excellently used.&nbsp; Very morbid, very well done.&nbsp; Loved the multiple useage.The giraffe pic was essential to the story and well done.&nbsp; Umm... the meat/fish pic was okay.&nbsp; Not really essential, but an established series of events.&nbsp; The shadows was almost a throw-away, though I'm sure it was responsible for spawning the story.&nbsp; It was just so incidental and the Dr. immediately forgot it.Okay, picture commentary done.&nbsp; I thought this was a little slow in gearing up.&nbsp; The interesting character isn't the doctor, who we learn almost nothing about, but Darren Yu.&nbsp; I wanted Darren there sooner. Hot Button Alert: I'm a chemist.&nbsp; So seeing chemical accidents reference will get my ire up.&nbsp; Pampa did happen, but from what I could learn on a quick Google search was that the explosion didn't cause any deaths, which is at odds with the town being deserted.&nbsp; It seemed to me on my searching that the town was still alive and well.&nbsp; Maybe that is incorrect (you live closer) but if it is true that the town is still there, I would suggest being more careful in the description 'cause the story as it stands could piss off any chemists in the area or who were involved.&nbsp; There was a seperate suit against a chemical firm there for toxic waste leakage, in the 90s, but I don't think that is what you are referencing.&nbsp; Okay, soapbox being return to storage.The Druid/rain thing reminded me of the rainmaker story from the last contest, which I think was one of your stories, IIRC. Was that on purpose?I really think the Dr. came across stupid.&nbsp; He should have cared more about the mind reading.&nbsp; He should have guessed the nuke test, not WWII since most educated Americans [especially someone of that age] should know 1945 was the year of the bomb, even if they don't know if it was the test or the dropping.I really wanted more direct info on Lou.&nbsp; I think this would be much better told from Darren's POV than the Dr.'s.&nbsp; Then we could see and interact with Lou.A chilly ending [what is with you guys and the deadly bad stuff this round!?!?] and nice use of the connection.&nbsp; I do wonder how the magic of his death from beyond the grave or whatever worked.Zhaneel</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Zhaneel, post: 1635097, member: 15829"] BSF's story Very interesting. I have notes about the story and now realize I didn't note much about the picture usage. Which means, to me, they were so well integrated that I didn't think about them. Let's see, the bird pic was excellently used. Very morbid, very well done. Loved the multiple useage. The giraffe pic was essential to the story and well done. Umm... the meat/fish pic was okay. Not really essential, but an established series of events. The shadows was almost a throw-away, though I'm sure it was responsible for spawning the story. It was just so incidental and the Dr. immediately forgot it. Okay, picture commentary done. I thought this was a little slow in gearing up. The interesting character isn't the doctor, who we learn almost nothing about, but Darren Yu. I wanted Darren there sooner. Hot Button Alert: I'm a chemist. So seeing chemical accidents reference will get my ire up. Pampa did happen, but from what I could learn on a quick Google search was that the explosion didn't cause any deaths, which is at odds with the town being deserted. It seemed to me on my searching that the town was still alive and well. Maybe that is incorrect (you live closer) but if it is true that the town is still there, I would suggest being more careful in the description 'cause the story as it stands could piss off any chemists in the area or who were involved. There was a seperate suit against a chemical firm there for toxic waste leakage, in the 90s, but I don't think that is what you are referencing. Okay, soapbox being return to storage. The Druid/rain thing reminded me of the rainmaker story from the last contest, which I think was one of your stories, IIRC. Was that on purpose? I really think the Dr. came across stupid. He should have cared more about the mind reading. He should have guessed the nuke test, not WWII since most educated Americans [especially someone of that age] should know 1945 was the year of the bomb, even if they don't know if it was the test or the dropping. I really wanted more direct info on Lou. I think this would be much better told from Darren's POV than the Dr.'s. Then we could see and interact with Lou. A chilly ending [what is with you guys and the deadly bad stuff this round!?!?] and nice use of the connection. I do wonder how the magic of his death from beyond the grave or whatever worked. Zhaneel [/QUOTE]

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