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<blockquote data-quote="BSF" data-source="post: 1635295" data-attributes="member: 13098">Orchid Blossom's Journey'sWow, nifty little story.&nbsp; I enjoyed it quite a bit.&nbsp; I thought the picture use was pretty good.&nbsp; The one that struck me as most incongruous was the man stepping in front of the jeep.&nbsp; However, you integrated that pic well.&nbsp; It was just the presentation and posture of the pic that made it seem a little incongruous.&nbsp; At the same time, I am not sure you would have had the character at all if it weren't for the pic. I know you said you had a tough time with the robot.&nbsp; I still liked the feel of it though.&nbsp; It came across as a wacky little project that was used to impress potential investors so they could get working on the real stuff they wanted to do.&nbsp; I can't help but feel a little cheated.&nbsp; I wanted more story.&nbsp; You have an easy tone that I am able to sit down and get comfortable with quickly.&nbsp; It would be quite easy to read a lot more depth without it feeling forced.&nbsp; In fact, I feel like I am reading a prologue to how techno-magic robots suddenly became a big industry.&nbsp; This feels like the &quot;how it started&quot; type thing.&nbsp; Implied histories and implied futures that could be woven into a larger story down the road.&nbsp; As a result, the end of the story seems artificially short to me.&nbsp; This might be a reflection on the 72 hour time limit.&nbsp; However, if you ever said you were writing a novel and this had been the prologue, I would be eagerly awaiting the real story that was coming down the line.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="BSF, post: 1635295, member: 13098"] [b]Orchid Blossom's Journey's[/b] Wow, nifty little story. I enjoyed it quite a bit. I thought the picture use was pretty good. The one that struck me as most incongruous was the man stepping in front of the jeep. However, you integrated that pic well. It was just the presentation and posture of the pic that made it seem a little incongruous. At the same time, I am not sure you would have had the character at all if it weren't for the pic. I know you said you had a tough time with the robot. I still liked the feel of it though. It came across as a wacky little project that was used to impress potential investors so they could get working on the real stuff they wanted to do. I can't help but feel a little cheated. I wanted more story. You have an easy tone that I am able to sit down and get comfortable with quickly. It would be quite easy to read a lot more depth without it feeling forced. In fact, I feel like I am reading a prologue to how techno-magic robots suddenly became a big industry. This feels like the "how it started" type thing. Implied histories and implied futures that could be woven into a larger story down the road. As a result, the end of the story seems artificially short to me. This might be a reflection on the 72 hour time limit. However, if you ever said you were writing a novel and this had been the prologue, I would be eagerly awaiting the real story that was coming down the line. [/QUOTE]

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