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Message: <blockquote data-quote="RPGgirl" data-source="post: 1638976" data-attributes="member: 15564">Thanks for the comments, and, as the reader you are always right. However, having said that, I'm going to respond to some of what you said ...Interesting comment. When I first looked at the picture (I didn't see the title), I was immediately struck by it being a picture of African tribesman dressed in some sort of significant garb. As far as the story goes, I tried to make Erasto and the other elders dressed in red, and fairly significant to the plot.Two comments on this ... first, you are assuming Derek and his uncle have a native tongue. Although it is not implicitly stated, it is implied by both the University choice and Derek's speech that he is American/Canadian chinese. Like many, he may not even speak chinese at all. The uncle on the other hand, speaks broken English - "Pidgeon Asian" - leaving the impression that English is definitely not his first, or even primary, language. Perhaps he would speak more clearly in Chinese or KhiSwahilli (official language of Tanzania), but the reader does not know that because you do not see him converse in either of those. Second, the uncle is a busy, impatient man. It could be that when he is relaxed he speaks perfect english, but when he is harried or in a rush, he falls into the broken form we see in the story. Like before, as a support character, we do not see him relaxed, so will not know.Good point. When I originally started writing, I described my characters in detail and brought their physical attributes into the story alot more than I do now. The reason for this, is something I read that says the reader will be drawn into the story more if you leave out or minimize physical descriptions. The example was a love story between a man and a women. In it, the author did not describe either in detail, and when asked about it afterward, the readers had very different descriptions of the characters and felt an emotional attachment.Thanks very much. I appreciate the feedback.</blockquote>

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