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Time for Ceramic DM? (judge-free commentary thread NO JUDGES ALLOWED AS OF NOW :) )
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<blockquote data-quote="Berandor" data-source="post: 1662308" data-attributes="member: 225"><p>Well, carpedavid, I'm home from work now, (even though I am still a little dizzy from my win, but that's probably to your advantage <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" />) and I will comment on your story. BSF is next, don't fear <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>But first, I want to whole-heartedly agree with Sialia that the judgements were to harsh <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" /> (j/k, I think it's better to be held to a high standard than being cut too much slack. Nevertheless, I'm glad Clay didn't go all-out, as well.)</p><p>But I really want to agree with you with regards to storytelling structure and so on. I think, when all is done, a story either works, or doesn't work. Perhaps some ways of telling a story are more promising, or easy (ha!), but in the end, even a story that follows every imaginable rule to the T can fail abysmally.</p><p>I think it is also a matter of taste. FOr example, I like the movie "the usual suspects", and I am willing to let it lead me by the nose, because it is well done. The same goes for "Memento", or Macbeth's story. I'm not really annoyed at all the mystery, I am enjoying being told in the speed of the story, because I can feel the story moving onworad to that point of resolution. When I enjoy the ideas in the story, the writing, the rhythm, and the twist, does simply telling it backwards make it a bad story? I don't think so.</p><p></p><p>But then, I don't want to have the judges' responsibility. </p><p></p><p>Another way to look at the judgements would also be that this round simply was very close, so they really threw themselves into finding small mistakes and chips in their armor, in order to find a winner?</p><p></p><p>Oh, well, I'd be glad if my pics next round wouldn't resemble Greywolf's this round, so I'd better should up and turn to</p><p></p><p><strong>Carpedavid, a.k.a. he who swept off Piratecat</strong>:</p><p>First off, you really managed to keep in character of writing a letter. It is very difficult (for me, at least) to constantly keep that image up, writing in short remarks, and so on.</p><p>I liked that story a lot, but not as much as I would have wanted to. I wanted to love it that much that I'd never read another Ceramic DM story, ever, because I love the genre you were writing in, whilst being wholly incapable of delivering such a story myself. Still, it is a very, very good entry.</p><p>What I loved were the subtle setting comments, like referring to the new canal, or commenting on the recent find of Machu Pichu. A great way to set your story without boring exposition (as I had in my story).</p><p>What I found a little lacking was the final shocker. I loved the clones, the bad weather, the bird-men, but I felt that final hammer blow should really drive the nail into your skull, not merely flatten the head. I don't know, perhaps you could have the head be animated, laugh loudly/madly, makes the writer hold his ears in pain, etc.? I don't know, I was really expecting a climactic finish, whereas now it ended... not bad, mind you, but "merely" well. Still a disturbing image, to be sure.</p><p>The pics (it had to come):</p><p>It begins with the face. It's a great use, to be sure, but perhaps you should have waited with the link for the final sentence? That way, the reader would see it simultaneously with the final revelation? That could have also given the ending the final push over the edge for me; I don't know.</p><p>Next, we have the kite man. It's a nice tie-in with the mythical part of your story, a man flying a bird-kite to honor the alien benefactors. But it's not a great use, either.</p><p>Now we get to the imo most problematic use, topofthemorning. It's only problematic because I don't know whether the judges will let the modern/ancient city disparity slide; the skyscrapers fit because of the alien origin of the bird-men, but it's still a risk (a risk that Macbeth took with the meat-float, btw.). Also, the dangling man seems to me to be a little too high above ground for a willing descent. But I've got the tendency (I find) to use pics quite literally.</p><p>Now come the simulacra, and I really liked that part of the story, even without a pic <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /></p><p>So they carry the burning hut over a river. I think this was a very cool use of the picture; even though it isn't that necessary for the story (but having five or more pics in a story that all depict necessary things in a story you constrcut around these pics, not ther other way round is, I think, at least extremely difficult). So I like it.</p><p>We end with "cold", and to be honest, I hadn't even noticed that damn dinosaur skeleton in the pic before you used it. What's that supposed to do there? And it's not really flying, or anything, it's as if the pics were simply mixed together. Anyway, a good use to me.</p><p>Finally, I just don't understand the author writing to his friend. I mean, it does make some sort of sense, in the end, but all the way through the story I asked myself, "why couldn't he have written to someone else?"</p><p>Humoring me, perhaps adding that Charles had asked for Arthur's report, because he couldn't remember anything, and Arthur beginning with "I'm sorry that I put off your request for so long, dear friend" or something like that. Perhaps not. I might be wrong (it happens) <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>Anyway, thanks for the story, and BSF, here I come!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Berandor, post: 1662308, member: 225"] Well, carpedavid, I'm home from work now, (even though I am still a little dizzy from my win, but that's probably to your advantage :)) and I will comment on your story. BSF is next, don't fear :) But first, I want to whole-heartedly agree with Sialia that the judgements were to harsh :D (j/k, I think it's better to be held to a high standard than being cut too much slack. Nevertheless, I'm glad Clay didn't go all-out, as well.) But I really want to agree with you with regards to storytelling structure and so on. I think, when all is done, a story either works, or doesn't work. Perhaps some ways of telling a story are more promising, or easy (ha!), but in the end, even a story that follows every imaginable rule to the T can fail abysmally. I think it is also a matter of taste. FOr example, I like the movie "the usual suspects", and I am willing to let it lead me by the nose, because it is well done. The same goes for "Memento", or Macbeth's story. I'm not really annoyed at all the mystery, I am enjoying being told in the speed of the story, because I can feel the story moving onworad to that point of resolution. When I enjoy the ideas in the story, the writing, the rhythm, and the twist, does simply telling it backwards make it a bad story? I don't think so. But then, I don't want to have the judges' responsibility. Another way to look at the judgements would also be that this round simply was very close, so they really threw themselves into finding small mistakes and chips in their armor, in order to find a winner? Oh, well, I'd be glad if my pics next round wouldn't resemble Greywolf's this round, so I'd better should up and turn to [b]Carpedavid, a.k.a. he who swept off Piratecat[/b]: First off, you really managed to keep in character of writing a letter. It is very difficult (for me, at least) to constantly keep that image up, writing in short remarks, and so on. I liked that story a lot, but not as much as I would have wanted to. I wanted to love it that much that I'd never read another Ceramic DM story, ever, because I love the genre you were writing in, whilst being wholly incapable of delivering such a story myself. Still, it is a very, very good entry. What I loved were the subtle setting comments, like referring to the new canal, or commenting on the recent find of Machu Pichu. A great way to set your story without boring exposition (as I had in my story). What I found a little lacking was the final shocker. I loved the clones, the bad weather, the bird-men, but I felt that final hammer blow should really drive the nail into your skull, not merely flatten the head. I don't know, perhaps you could have the head be animated, laugh loudly/madly, makes the writer hold his ears in pain, etc.? I don't know, I was really expecting a climactic finish, whereas now it ended... not bad, mind you, but "merely" well. Still a disturbing image, to be sure. The pics (it had to come): It begins with the face. It's a great use, to be sure, but perhaps you should have waited with the link for the final sentence? That way, the reader would see it simultaneously with the final revelation? That could have also given the ending the final push over the edge for me; I don't know. Next, we have the kite man. It's a nice tie-in with the mythical part of your story, a man flying a bird-kite to honor the alien benefactors. But it's not a great use, either. Now we get to the imo most problematic use, topofthemorning. It's only problematic because I don't know whether the judges will let the modern/ancient city disparity slide; the skyscrapers fit because of the alien origin of the bird-men, but it's still a risk (a risk that Macbeth took with the meat-float, btw.). Also, the dangling man seems to me to be a little too high above ground for a willing descent. But I've got the tendency (I find) to use pics quite literally. Now come the simulacra, and I really liked that part of the story, even without a pic :) So they carry the burning hut over a river. I think this was a very cool use of the picture; even though it isn't that necessary for the story (but having five or more pics in a story that all depict necessary things in a story you constrcut around these pics, not ther other way round is, I think, at least extremely difficult). So I like it. We end with "cold", and to be honest, I hadn't even noticed that damn dinosaur skeleton in the pic before you used it. What's that supposed to do there? And it's not really flying, or anything, it's as if the pics were simply mixed together. Anyway, a good use to me. Finally, I just don't understand the author writing to his friend. I mean, it does make some sort of sense, in the end, but all the way through the story I asked myself, "why couldn't he have written to someone else?" Humoring me, perhaps adding that Charles had asked for Arthur's report, because he couldn't remember anything, and Arthur beginning with "I'm sorry that I put off your request for so long, dear friend" or something like that. Perhaps not. I might be wrong (it happens) :) Anyway, thanks for the story, and BSF, here I come! [/QUOTE]
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