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Time to bring back the prose?
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<blockquote data-quote="Bedrockgames" data-source="post: 5904465" data-attributes="member: 85555"><p>If i was going to alter this to make the flow smoother (and not sure it really needs it) I might go with:</p><p></p><p>"<em>You exert your will against foes, overwhelming them with a tide of magical weariness.</em>"</p><p></p><p>In my mind the double use of your is a touch redundant but the whole tide of magical weariness is so evocative that it needs to stay. Arguably it is a mistake for me to remove "seeking" because the result isn't a foregone conclusion, and shifting from "seeking to overwhelm" to "overwhelming" is misleading. Another reason to be cautious when pruning. Again, less isn't always more.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Bedrockgames, post: 5904465, member: 85555"] If i was going to alter this to make the flow smoother (and not sure it really needs it) I might go with: "[I]You exert your will against foes, overwhelming them with a tide of magical weariness.[/I]" In my mind the double use of your is a touch redundant but the whole tide of magical weariness is so evocative that it needs to stay. Arguably it is a mistake for me to remove "seeking" because the result isn't a foregone conclusion, and shifting from "seeking to overwhelm" to "overwhelming" is misleading. Another reason to be cautious when pruning. Again, less isn't always more. [/QUOTE]
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Time to bring back the prose?
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