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Message: <blockquote data-quote="DerHauptman" data-source="post: 3111632" data-attributes="member: 39988">Its a fairly complicated game....(see diagram) Now, the guys at the back of the offensive formation are called backs. So far, so good. Now, the guys in front of the backs (at the front of the formation) are not called fronts or front men. They are linemen. They do line up, although one of them (the center) is in front of the rest of them, which means they are not really in a line.Back to the backs for a minute. The most important back is the quarterback. This would imply that he is one of four backs. But there only three, which should make him a 1/3rd back. He often hands the ball to the half back (2/4) who is actually the 2nd of three backs, and should be the 2/3rd back. Somehow in all this, logic reasserts itself and the third of three backs (3/3) is a "full" back. Ironically, he is not even 1/3 as important as the quarterback.Now, there are six linemen (C, 2G, 2T, TE). The linemen block for the backs. So, they are called blockers, right? No, two of them are called tackles. The rules of the game do not permit the offensive tackles to tackle. If a tackle were to tackle his team would be penalized. Two are guards, although all five linemen guard the quarterback. The center has three players to the left of him and four to the right. This means he is not, in fact, the center but the "slightly left of center".Having a center implies there are two ends, one on the left and one on the right. But there aren't. There is an end on one end and no end on the other, because there is a flanker there. One is split and one is tight. How he got tight is anyone's guess, since he is actually the last lineman on the right, which ought to make him the right tackle. That is if tackles could tackle, and he can't because he's offensive. Well, not personally, but in a general sense. Unless he's Terrell Owens, in which case he is both an end and often offensive. In specific terms.When the offense cannot produce a first down they usually kick the ball to the other team. Logic would tell you that the person kicking the ball would be a.....Yes, a kicker! But, no, he isn't. The kicker is a punter. Now, in England a punter is a bettor, but in America you can't bet on football. Unless you're in Nevada, in which case you can. Now, if close enough, a team can call for thier kicker to come in. This is not a punter but a place kicker. A place kicker does not kick a place, but kicks from a place. There is a holder for the place, which is not a place, so really they don't hold anything. Except briefly the ball, which is immediately kicked away from them.Now we come to the defense. This make a little more sense. Up front there are two ends on the line, called ends. In the middle of the line are not centers. There are tackles. All eleven players tackle, but only two are tackles. Unless there is only one. Following the naming convention of the backfield, this should be a half tackle (1/2). Instead he is a nose tackle, because he lines up on the nose of the slightly left of center center.There are three linebackers. One in the middle, two on the outside. A beautifully simple naming scheme. Which, of course, is now seldom observed because many teams now have four linebackers. Still, two inside and two outside linebackers remains workable.Now we have defensive backs. Who are back of the linebackers. So, really they are defensive backer backers. They are divided into two sets of backs. Two cornerbacks (on the corners of the defense) and two.....Darn, you guessed middle backs didn't you? No, they are safeties. A safety is always nearby when something blows up, so the name is about like calling an ordinance disposal expert a safety specialist.We have two types of safety. Free safety and strong safety. The free safety is not really free and the strong safety may or may not be strong. The strong safety plays opposite the side of the line where the tight end plays. This does not make him, however, the tight safety. The free safety is opposite the split end, but is not a split safety. What is good for the goose, or the end, is not good for the gander or the safety.I sent this to my wife once who asked for an expalnation...someone else wrote it but I thought it was funny...If you want a fairly short, accurate, non-humorous version go here...<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_football" target="_blank">American Football Wiki</a> DH -</blockquote>

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