Upgrade your account to a Community Supporter account and remove most of the site ads.

Reply to thread

Message: <blockquote data-quote="Zaruthustran" data-source="post: 541965" data-attributes="member: 1457">Sometimes player rolls screw up the best DM plans.DM: Okay, you're in the Golden Hall. Gandalf rides off to go get Eomer.PC3: Looks like we'll be waiting here for awhile. I go and get drunk.PC2: I go with the dwarf.PC1: Me too.DM: But.. uh... make an Intelligence check.PC1: 6.DM: Whatever. Look, you think it'd be a good idea to convince the King to lead his men in heroic battle.PC 2&3: Railroader.PC1: Okay, fine. I go and talk to Theoden to convince him to lead his men in heroic battle.DM: Roll Diplomacy.PC1: ...natural 1. DM: Crap. He tells you to stuff it and decides to flee to Helm's Deep instead.PC3: Fine. We stay here and drink his beer.DM: He's taking the beer with him!PC 2&3: Railroader!(at the other game session)DM: You're with Treebeard. He's called an Entmoot to decide if they're to go to war.PC4: Okay.PC5: I stand around and look bored.DM: ... so, the Ents start talking. You know, about this important decision.PC4: Okay. PC5: I take a nap.DM: ... well, fine, be that way. They decide to *not* go help.PC4: Oh well. Guess we should go home.DM: Don't you think you should say something? Like, maybe to convince the Ents to march into dramatic battle?PC5: Fine, fine. I roll Diplomacy to convince him to attack the bad guys.PC4: Sauron.DM: Saruman!PC5: Whatever. I roll... a 1.DM: Crap.(later)DM: You're all at Helm's Deep. 10,000 orcs are on the way. The King is arrogant and the people are demoralized. Outnumbered, trapped, and lacking strong leadership, the people are without hope.PC2: Well, we're screwed. I guess I'll guard the beer.PC3: I go with the elf.PC1: Me too.DM: But... but... Bob.. don't you remember that email I sent you? About your background, and how you're a king, and all that?PC1: Uh, dude, that was like 10 pages long. I didn't read it.PC 3: Yeah, all your emails are too long. Who has time to read all that plot stuff?DM: Look, Bob. Your character is a noble king. Don't you think that maybe you should say something to inspire the people to victory?PC1: Fine, fine. Who's around me?DM: Currently, you're just sitting on the steps in the rain with a scruffy boy who's been pressed into service. But in the Great Hall, the king and all his advisors--PC1: I pick up the boy's sword. Is it a good weapon?DM: What? Er, no. It's all notched and rusty.PC1: I swing it around a bit and tell the kid it's a good sword.DM: ... Make a bluff check.PC1: Natural 20.DM: Um. The kid believes you. You know that he'll now fearlessly charge into battle with his blunt, useless weapon.PC1: I win!DM (desperate): The daughter of the king comes up to you. She is dressed like a waif, but you can tell that's she's actually a high level fighter. You can also tell she's sweet on you, and the people look to her for courage. If you could convince her to take up the arms she's long ached to wield and lead her people, there's a good chance that the people could be inspired to make a stand and--PC1: I'm sorry, were you talking? Dude, check it out! I've got all my dice spinning at once!DM: Fine! A ton of elves led by Haldir show up to help out. Haldir says that they're sent from Lord Elrond in honor of the ancient alliance of Elves and Men.PC2: Wait--I don't get it. Haldir is from Lothlorien, and Galadriel rules Lothlorien. Elrond rules Rivendell. Why would Haldir say that he was sent by *Elrond*?PC1&3, DM: You actually read the campaign background?!PC2: Well, I was bored at work...(later)DM: The orcs continue their attack. The sea of orcs crashes against the walls of Helm's Deep. The night sky is lit by flashes of lightning and the smoldering sputter of thousands of orc torches.PC1: Yawn. What happens next?DM: Everyone make spot checks.PC1: 2!PC2: 3!PC3: 1!DM: You're kidding. Hank, Legolas is an Elf ranger--how'd you get a 3?PC2: I put all my skill ranks in Balance...PC3: Dude, you suck.DM: Uh.... well, you all see this anyway.. because.. his torch is... uh.. white phosphorous! Yeah! So, you all see this one orc come running toward the wall. You get the idea that it'd be a really good idea to stop him.PC1: I tell Legolas to shoot him.DM: You have a bow too, you know.PC1: Yeah, but I'll just let "Legolas" here do his archer thing.PC2: Thanks man. Okay, I shoot the orc with Rapid Shot. First shot... natural 20! And.. another one confirms the crit! Second shot.. NATURAL 20! And.. holy cow, another one confirms the second crit!DM (finally the rolls go the way they should): You bravely shoot down the orc. And good thing too. You later learn that that guy was about to totally blow the wall wide open. PC2: 6.DM: What?PC2: 6 damage. I rolled all 1's on the damage dice...PC3: Uruk Hai orcs are 2HD. They have a *minimum* of 8 hit points...PC1: We are so screwed.PC2: Told you so.(thanks to Olgar for below)DM: Crap. The orc with the torch reaches the culvert. There is a huge explosion, and stones from the wall go everywhere. Make reflex saves.PC1: a 6!PC2: A 22!PC3: an 8!DM: Aragorn and Gimli are blown to the ground behind the wall, taking 2d6 points of falling damage. Legolas, you are still on your feet on top of the wall.PC2: Are the stairs still up?DM: Yes, the stairs are still standing. A horde of orcs is now pressing through the gap in the wall.PC1: I jump to my feet, pick up my sword, and charge the orcs.DM: That's two move-equivalents, so the charge will take place next round. Legolas?PC2: I run down the stairs to engage the orcs.DM: The stairs are steep. It will take you two rounds to run down them.PC2: Wait, is there any equipment lying around?DM: (scratches head) I guess there are some shields and spears lying around from the dead men-at-arms ...PC2: Dude! I jump on a shield and SURF down the wall, firing my bow as a go!PC3: Dude.DM: No way.PC2: But I took Mounted Combat, and haven't gotten to use it yet! Come on, at least let me make a balance check!DM: (rolls eyes) OK, make a balance check (setting the DC at 30).PC2: NATURAL 20! That's like, what, a 42 with modifiers!DM: (shakes head), Ok, you successfully jump on the shield, and are surfing it down the stairs ...PC2: I rapid shot the closest orc while I'm surfing!PC3: (mumbles) Bloody twink elven archers!(later)DM: You've retreated into the inner keep of Helm's Deep. The orcs are outside. They're battering on the door. The room you're in is filled with heavy oak tables. Beyond this room are passages that lead deeper into the twisty passages of the mountain. The king is here, along with his men. Already, some of the men are piling furniture against the door.PC1: I talk to the king.DM: What about the door?PC1: Screw the door. I say 'King, let's you and me ride out of here and kick some ass'DM: What? There's an entire orc army out there!PC1: Yeah, but it's getting late and the season finale of "Survivor" is coming on soon.DM: But, but... Dan, make a Knowledge: Cavern check for Gimli.PC3: 24. DM: You figure you could hold out for weeks, maybe months in the caves. With guerilla tactics, you'd have a decent chance of winning out. And who knows? There may be unforeseen allies in the depths, or a secret way out to--PC1: Yeah, whatever. I've been sick of this campaign ever since the one single magic item we've encountered, that Ring of Invisibility, got carried away. I roll a.. natural 20 on my Diplomacy check. Let's do this.DM: But-PC1: And we get on horses too.DM: What horses?PC1: There's gotta be horses somewhere, right? I thought you said these guys were total horse freaks.DM: Fine, sure, there are a bunch of horses... in the Great Hall. Whatever.PC1: Sweet. We mount up and ride out. Yee haw!DM: Fine. You plow through a bunch of orcs, down the ramp, right into the midst of 10,000 bloodthirsty Uruk-Hai--PC1: Cool. Time to watch Survivor. I hope that hot chick wins.PC2: This Ranger was okay, but I think I'll make my next character a Cleric... they're better archers, after all.PC3: I'm playing a barbarian. Dwarf movement rates suck.DM: SUDDENLY GANDALF APPEARS! He charges down with Eomer's boys and scatters all the orcs. You win.PC1: What?! He scatters *ALL*of them? All 10,000? Just like that?DM: Yeah.PC2: Didn't the orcs have pikes? Aren't Uruk Hai fearless?DM: Yeah, but it doesn't matter.PC3: But, wouldn't it take them a while to reach us? Aren't we totally surrounded?DM: Doesn't matter. You're saved, got it? I've worked too long on this campaign to see you all screw it up. See you next week.-z</blockquote>

Verification