Unusual ways to fight monsters [not totally serious]…

[Panartias]

Unusual ways to fight monsters [not totally serious]…

How to fight red Dragons
The Person who slays a dragon – especially a red one – is often celebrated as a hero. In my opinion the killing of a single dragon is – apart from the danger to your own life – quite futile and ineffective. In the long run the most effective way to decimate a species is, to diminish its food-source. As everybody knows, red dragons eat virgins.

I’m sure you agree with me, that this kind of dragon-slaying is much less dangerous and last but not least much more fun. Ok – it is not totally without bloodshed - but most men are already proficient with the necessary “weapons”. Let’s take up the fight and conquer the red dragons together. I’m convinced there is a hero in everyone of us!
In short: dragon-slaying through virgin-laying!!!
-Panartias-

To clarify: Red dragons eat probably other food apart from virgins. But the theory is, that they are so aggressive that their “inner flame” causes them frequent heartburn and the virgins with their innocence act as a kind of remedy against that. So while not the only food source for the dragons they are essential for their health – just as vitamins are for humans.

 

[Panartias]

How to fight Beholders:
After our first installment dealing with red dragons, we take a look at another dreaded iconic monster: the beholder. Now I prefer a beholder over a dragon any time – the reason is simple: you can run away from a beholder (you don’t get that chance with an air-born dragon). That is not cowardice – simply a tactical retreat! Because we are going to come back prepared… You ask how?! Well the beholders strength are its many eyes – but they are also his greatest weakness. You prepare smoke-bombs (green wood and lamp-oil; juniper is very good if you can get it) and one-way blowguns filled with powdered chili. Now I’m sure everyone who did sit downwind from a wet campfire or was ever unlucky enough to rub chili in his own eye understands what I’m talking about. Don’t be afraid to be hampered by the smoke or the chili yourself because whatever hurts you is 100 times worse for the beholder – you have only two eyes; the beholder has 11 and they are dangerous! So blind-fighting is your friend here. Just don’t feel too sorry for the beholder…
--Panartias

 

[Panartias]

How to fight Hydras:
We continue our little sequel with the Hydra. Hydras can be tricky opponents as well. Many regenerating heads! Got an idea how to tackle them?! Well how about this: You make sure the beast can understand you – a tongues spell should do it. Then you raise your hands and call: “OK – I give up; the prettiest gets the first bite!” If all goes well, the split personality of the multi-headed creature should kick in and you can watch the fight among its heads. Other monsters like Ettins or two headed Trolls can be susceptible for this tactic as well…
--Panartias

 

[Panartias]

How to fight giants

Well, as I’m talking about alternative approaches here, I suggest not to fight but to impress the giants! And when I say impress, I don’t mean entertaining them (which you could do with juggling, magic tricks, music or the like) and which could buy you time…. a giant is usually impressed only by feats of strength.

Favorite strength tests may include: Heavy lifting (rocks), rock throwing (and sometimes catching) contests, smashing something, (arm) wrestling and the like. Eating and drinking contests may follow…

So how can you hope to compete against a giant in those disciplines?! That depends on your resources (and the edition you are playing)! A Girdle / Belt of Giant Strength would be great of course. The Spells Bull’s Strength or better Tenser’s Giant Strength a close second. In conjunction with other spells like “levitate” it can help with the heavy lifting and rock throwing. “Feather Fall” can help with catching rocks. “Enlarge / Reduce” can help as well to cheat the giants. Once you have made it to the eating drinking contest, a Bag of Holding or a “deep pocket” spell come in handy (to hide the food/drink ) or you could use illusions to create some additional food, that you seemingly eat.

As you see, it can become quite an expenditure, but it can be worth the investment if you can best the chief of a giant clan, since giants make good allies against some other monsters, for example dragons.

--Panartias

 

[Panartias]

And since someone asked me for tips on constructs, I have got some experience in…

…how to fight Golems:
The weak spot of most constructs is their lack of real intelligence / perception. A Golem does only what it is programmed to do, if it isn’t somehow remote controlled. So usually Golems only guard a doorway or an item and don’t follow you around. (If they follow you around you can try to lure them as far away as possible, perhaps causing them to drop of the next cliff).

But it pays off to keep an eye open for some kind of “controller”. Once we had to fight our way into a tower-fortress that was guarded by no less than 13 Iron Golems. They were acting unusually “intelligent” - 3 of them ganging up on one of our fighters while the rest kept their position. I noticed that there were exactly 13 Ravens circling above the tower. I suspected some kind of connection and shot one of the Ravens down – and guess what – one of the Golems collapsed. So an almost impossible fight became easy.

Another time I wanted to pass a doorway guarded by two Golems: One iron and one stone. I stepped between them and twirled my cloak around me, waiting for the one to act first. It was the iron golem. So I jumped behind the stone Golem, leaving my cloak over his head. The iron Golem smashed the head of the stone Golem in its attempt to attack me and the stone Golem tried to retaliate. Enough time for me to slip past…

My first iron Golem ever I saw defeated by another mage by casting “wall of iron” without anchoring it. (The Golem was in a big square room and tried to attack us – we were still in the doorway to this room so the iron wall could fall down only to one side). If the Golem would not have left his place or stepped back in time, it wouldn’t have been defeated by the falling iron wall.

Notice that in all of the cases above it was the lack of on intelligence, that was the downfall of the Golems.

The properties of constructs are usually well known too. Iron Golems for example are healed by fire attacks and slowed by electrical attacks. They are susceptible to rust-monster attacks too (But shape change is a 9th level spell so this is not the easiest way to defeat an iron Golem.)

 

[Starfox]

I'll pitch in, and these tactics are just a little bit more serious.

Beholders: My two favorite places to fight beholders from are:

A) Inside the mouth. Beholders have nasty jaws, but no digestive tract (where would that be?). So once you are past the teeth, you are safe.

B) Using a power like spider climb, hang on to the underside. No eyes there, and excellent sneak attack position. Or just go prone under them. Beholders are slow enough that you might well be able to follow them around using readied actions. You won't be attacking, but neither will the beholder.

I actually tried both these tactics with at least some success.

 

[Herobizkit]

Back in my 2e FR days, using a cannon and a crap-ton of on-hand cheap gems was one effective way of dealing with a Dragon.

 

[Panartias]

Thanks for pitching in! 

I found this online: How to kill a Tarrasque – it’s hilarious!

https://www.cs.cmu.edu/~dkb1/dnd/tarrasque.txt