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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Ankh-Morpork Guard" data-source="post: 1716869" data-attributes="member: 10079">She didn't actually KNOW until we got back here......point.I was actually referring to more than one incident. Only one happened to be recent...its actually been a year or so since anything got that badly(before it was things to do with my own mother)Technically, it still is 'under warranty'. I think what surprises me(and hurts) so much is that she's always been the same as I have been with promises. Only makes ones that can and WILL be kept. They aren't things to be taken lightly. Everytime I think about it, I start to wonder if its not me who needs to grow up or if its her...Well, think of it this way, I got here to the UK on stubborness. I've got NO family here(well, her mom's pretty much family now), and my entire family back in the States was very...against this. If only because everyone has always stayed close.I definitely understand the advice you're giving, but like ByronD said, I have to listen to my real thoughts. A few times I have managed to clear my mind of panic and such and just think on things. Everytime, it comes down to me waiting on her. What I do with my life until that point gets to be a surprise to me, but there's a goal of sorts at the 'end' of it. I've spent too much of my life to let it die like this.Hmm...I never seemed to believe that writing things down helps think them out, but I've gone from depression to determination in a matter of hours. Some things between she and I are of the such that I can't discuss with others. It means that I have to tell people "Trust me on this" and that's what had my family so worried. I can honestly say that if I wait for her, she will eventually realize I'm still there. I'll have changed, of course, but...I'll still be me. The love I have for her is something that can't change. It really IS a part of who I am by now. Maybe things aren't as hopeless as I try to make myself think. I picked this path for my life not because it was easy, but because I KNEW it was right. All of it, not just parts of it. Its not something that I could just pick and choose from, and that's not changing. So now I'm here, and I've realized this path is a lot harder than I expected...no turning back anymore, though. I guess all I can do is hold onto the fact that I know its right. Hold onto that and keep moving. Life's too complicated sometimes.</blockquote>

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