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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Maerdwyn" data-source="post: 1717385" data-attributes="member: 835">You can truly love her, and she can truly love you, and it can still truly be the best thing for you to break off all contact with her.Since you are talking about love that is for the rest of your life, you have to take into consideration what the rest of your life would be like with this person. Not an idealized vision of what it would be like, butan honest appraisal of it which accepts that 1) you don't know her as well as you thought you did, or you would have seen this coming   2) Though she may love you, she is willing to do things that hurt you  3)She is willing to lie to you when convenient for her. Would have kept on lying to you had not the friend filled you in. 4) Does not honor comitments She was willing to do this at the very beginning of your committed relationship, when one might expect the passion and commitment to the relationship to be at a high point. None of that necessarily makes her "bad,"  but she may be a bad match for you as a life partner.  Both of you have free will.  If you wait, she may indeed take you back.  But her character will not have changed.  By choosing to remain with her, you actively choose a life with a woman who will continue to hurt and lie to you, and for whom comitment is something less than eternal.  Who is willing to make you feel as you feel right now.   It is entirely up to you wheher you want to sign up for a life of that. You have made a mistake.  Not necessarily by deciding to be with her for the rest of your life - that's completely up to you.  Rather, by moving in with her and her mother, you have made yourself completely dependent on the relationship.  If you lived alone and had a job, you could make you decisions about her without the knowledge that deciding to leave her would result in financial ruin and social isolation.  You need her, and not in the sense of overpowering love.  That must change if you are going to rationally evaluate the state of your relationship and the love on both sides of it. You need to get out of that house.  Even if you eventually decide you go back to her, you need to make that decision from a position of strength, or at least equality.  If you won't go home to you parents for a while, ask for a loan to help out with expenses until you can get a job that will cover you expenses until you can pay them back.  I would suggest that you give it about six months of living successfully on you own before speaking to her at all.  If after supporting yourself, making new friends, etc. for six months you still want her, then give her a call. There is a very good chance that she will want you back much sooner than that after you leave.  I would till wait the six months (longer, actually, but if you won't set a longer period six month will do).  If she calls before that, don't speak with her except to say you need some more time to figure things out.  It may not be the idea of losing "you" that makes her want you back, but rather the ego hit delivered when someone who has been pining after her no longer wants her.  In any case, you need those six months (or longer) to get to know yourself as a healthy adult.   If afterwards you still decide that your love for her is for life, then six months is a short and excellent investment, and you will go to the relationship able to support yourself, financially and socially, rather than being dependent on her and her mom for those things.  You want an adult relationship, not a parent-child relationship.</blockquote>

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