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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Radiating Gnome" data-source="post: 1717895" data-attributes="member: 150">Here's an important question . . . but first . . . There are a lot of people in the world, and a lot of different ways to lead your life.  Some people let themselves get caught in emotional eddies and live their lives in a sort of tragic, self-destructive, self-perpetuating tragedy.  And you're lining yourself up to be one of those people.  Do you want to be a 30 year old who is still broken up over a woman who disappeared from his life, long ago, and when she left you gave her so much of your self worth you don't have enough left to care about someone else? Because that's where you're heading.  You'll falling for the traps that used to catch me -- a feeling that you're needed, that you're special, that even if you're not dating your more important in her life that other people, other friends, even her dates.  And what makes it so convincing is that it's really true.  She means it, every word of it -- while she's in the room with you.  It's an important distinction.  She's not lying, but the truth changes when someone else is in the room -- not because she's a bad person, but because she's a needy mess, and will cling to the nearest source of emotional support she can find.  That's not love, no matter how heady it is.  It's a sort of vampirism.  And, the bottom line is, she'll never want you.  She's never going to turn around and set her sights on you BECAUSE SHE ALREADY HAS YOU.  You gave her your heart and soul already, and in the end that just makes you too easy, to safe, and not interesting enough.  But.  If you leave.  If you get the hell out of her mother's house and get your own life going, you own friends, your own feet back on the ground, where they belong -- then maybe you'll be ready to be won again -- and who knows, it might be her, coming back to see what she lost, or maybe it'll be someone better, someone who is looking for someone she can give back to as much as she takes.  I spent years -- too many to count (I'm almost 37, started dating at 17, you do the math, it ain't hard)  and I've spent years and years orbiting a few women very much like the one you've described.  When you in the room with them it's like the whole world is on fire.  It's amazing.  And while you're not together, you're still thinking about her -- probably having imaginary conversations with her in the shower, writing pages and pages in your journal about her. But all that time you're thinking about her, she isn't thinking about you.  She's thinking about whomever else is in the room with her, and how she can get the attention she craves out of the person she's with.  The longer you sit around, mooning over her, especially in her mother's house, the less likely you make it that any sort of relationship will ever really happen between you too.  Break out.  Get some loans and get a crappy apartment above a pub.  Or live in the dorms. The question I started off trying to get around to asking is this:  Do you want to turn into a 40 year old sad sack who spent his whole life loving a woman he could never have.  Life isn't a movie.  The ones we love don't come back if you wait long enough.  That's the exception, not the rule.  More often than not they never come back.Start over, dude.  Get out and live your own life, and see what else is out there. -rg</blockquote>

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