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<blockquote data-quote="Stalker0" data-source="post: 8312394" data-attributes="member: 5889">Generally, there is just a lot of &quot;wordiness&quot; that can be trimmed down. You start each section with flavor text which is fine, but you then continue to inject flavor text throughout, which breaks things up in an annoying way.A little flavor is fine, but then just lay out the crunch. And please use paragraph breaks when you do so. Student of banners is a great example, the fluff paragraph should be seperate from the crunch one.Insightful Aid: I think I know what your going for here, but the language needs work. Something as simple as:Insightful Aid: When using the Help action on attacks, the creature can be up to 30 feet away.Also I'm going back to that mix up of ranges again. Why allow help 30 feet away but your weaknesses only 15 feet away....seems too fiddly.Warlord Presence: I think the temp HP one is the best by a good margin, level based scaling is really good....and it can last past the fight whereas the others are run and done.Advanced Signals: Dirt in the Eye might actually be too good. Blinded something for a fight is pretty darn strong, and if you remove their action that is a huge action economy win.Master's Insight: This seems weirdly worded. I feel like simply saying &quot;battlefield insight does not take a reaction, but can only be used once per round. At 15th level you can use it twice a round&quot;.....is cleaner and as far as I can see....does the same thing.Booming Voice: I think you have plenty here, you just keep piling on a bit more than you need. There is a good mix of fluff and crunch. I would go with a simple:<ul>
<li data-xf-list-type="ul">Heard twice the normal distance</li>
<li data-xf-list-type="ul">All abilities go from 30 feet to 60</li>
<li data-xf-list-type="ul">Prof in Intimidate</li>
</ul>That's totally solid.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Stalker0, post: 8312394, member: 5889"] Generally, there is just a lot of "wordiness" that can be trimmed down. You start each section with flavor text which is fine, but you then continue to inject flavor text throughout, which breaks things up in an annoying way. A little flavor is fine, but then just lay out the crunch. And please use paragraph breaks when you do so. Student of banners is a great example, the fluff paragraph should be seperate from the crunch one. Insightful Aid: I think I know what your going for here, but the language needs work. Something as simple as: [B]Insightful Aid: [/B]When using the Help action on attacks, the creature can be up to 30 feet away. Also I'm going back to that mix up of ranges again. Why allow help 30 feet away but your weaknesses only 15 feet away....seems too fiddly. Warlord Presence: I think the temp HP one is the best by a good margin, level based scaling is really good....and it can last past the fight whereas the others are run and done. Advanced Signals: Dirt in the Eye might actually be too good. Blinded something for a fight is pretty darn strong, and if you remove their action that is a huge action economy win. Master's Insight: This seems weirdly worded. I feel like simply saying "battlefield insight does not take a reaction, but can only be used once per round. At 15th level you can use it twice a round".....is cleaner and as far as I can see....does the same thing. Booming Voice: I think you have plenty here, you just keep piling on a bit more than you need. There is a good mix of fluff and crunch. I would go with a simple: [LIST] [*]Heard twice the normal distance [*]All abilities go from 30 feet to 60 [*]Prof in Intimidate [/LIST] That's totally solid. [/QUOTE]

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