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Message: <blockquote data-quote="barsoomcore" data-source="post: 592300" data-attributes="member: 812">Pain Hits Us AllIn a more serious vein, I wanted to note that we all of us carry around our own scars and chips and fears. Whether due to miscarriage, poor treatment at the hands of our parents, or a senseless accident in our youth, each and every one of us walks around every day carting about vast reserves of pain.Sometimes it amazes me how people are able to get on with their lives and even enjoy the world, when you learn how much reason they have to be bitter or unhappy.I do not, however, advocate a cautious approach to interpersonal relationships as a result. It does no good to spend your life tip-toeing around every potential issue or landmine.You'll end up English.Sorry, I said this was serious, didn't I? Sorry, sorry.There's all the difference in the world between being cautious and being sensitive. The one is based in fear of committing a social blunder -- primarily selfish. A cautious person is one who avoids dangerous topics, sticks to what's safe and uncomplicated and without emotional power. The other is based in an honest desire to help others -- primarily unselfish. Being sensitive is about listening to what the people you're involved with are telling you, and understanding their pains and helping them enjoy their lives.Both tactics will occasionally fail. There's no way to predict with certainty what another person might find offensive, and so you always face the danger that you will tread on a landmine and injure someone accidentally. The difference is that if your approach is sensitivity, you will notice the pain you're causing much quicker, and you'll have better tools to help heal the wounds.The other thing about sensitivity as an approach, and a reason I consider it superior, is that it respects the other person more. I assume that the people I come into contact with, both in game and out, will behave with something like self-respect and courage. If I do something that they find offensive, I assume they will tell me and give me the chance to correct my blunder. Caution assumes other people are weak and must be protected. Sensitivity assumes other people are strong and can be trusted.Finally, I think it behooves all of us, since we have every one of us suffered to one degree or other, not to let our own pain blind us to the fact that not everyone understands our view of things and that sometimes we will have to explain why we find this or that unpleasant. It can be frustrating, but sensitivity must work both ways. We cannot ask for it from others without delivering it ourselves. We are not unique in our pain, and no amount of pain renders us above the need to respect others.Most often people offend us through their own ignorance. We must remember that another person's ignorance is our opportunity.</blockquote>

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