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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Edena_of_Neith" data-source="post: 397042" data-attributes="member: 2020">The Onslaught of Oogaboo((Humorous post.  Hope you have read some of the Oz books ...))  Queen Anne of Oogaboo, Oz (10th level Commoner)  Her 4 Generals (1st through 5th level Commoners)  Her 4 Majors (1st through 5th level Commoners)  Her 4 Colonels (1st through 5th level Commoners)  Her 4 Captains (1st through 5th level Commoners)  Her sole Private (1st level Noble)  Upon seeing the Army of Oogaboo approaching the civilized parts of the Land of Oz, Glinda was greatly sorrowed, for although Ozma could easily defeat these invaders, it would cause much grief and disruption for all involved.    She did not want the peace and plesantry of Oz disrupted, so she decided to act against these people from Oogaboo.  So, she caused the passage from Oogaboo to make several twists and turns, so that when Queen Anne and her army emerged, they were not in Oz any longer at all, but in a strange, faraway country.  They were in Furyondy, and the Greyhawk Wars were raging.  Even as the Army of Oogaboo watched, five thousand humanoids forded the Veng River and assailed the defensive fortresses protecting Grabford.  Her officers were scared to death by the frightful sight, but Queen Anne was fearless, and determined she would conquer this new country.  She planted the Royal Banner of Oogaboo in the soil, declared all the land hers, and gave a great shout.   Several hundred of the orcs and other humanoids turned, and saw the gaily colored uniforms of the people of Oz, and the grand banner of Oogaboo.  These orcs broke off the assault on the walls of the fortress, and charged the men of Oogaboo.  The Army of Oogaboo stood it's ground, for the very good reason that they were too scared to move, and they could not have outrun the orcs anyhow.  Queen Anne was not so cowed, however, and she ordered the charge.  The sole private, being of higher stature than the officers, complied, and raising his ornate firearm he opened up on the orcs.  One orc went down, but the orcs knew of Furyondian arquebuses, and were not impressed.  Besides, they and their allies were making enough sound the boom of the gun was barely heard over their screams.  They released a hail of missiles, hundreds of war arrows, at the Army of Oogaboo.  Because that Army was stationary and not wearing any sort of protection, most of these arrows found their mark.  Nothing happened.  Queen Anne and her officers, and the brave private, had never seen arrows before, and in any case the arrows did not hurt them.    The officers tried to faint when they saw blood coming from the arrow wounds, but Queen Anne scolded them like a mother, and they picked up their courage and plucked all the arrows out.  They looked at the strange weapons with wonder, for nobody in Oogaboo had ever seen an arrow.  No weapons existed in Oogaboo.  The small land, in it's isolated corner of Oz, protected by the Good Witch of the North, had never known any conflict in it's history.  The orcs, however, did a double-take, and their charge halted very abruptly.  They saw these seventeen men and one woman (who was furious at the stains to her royal clothing) survive an assault in a way only the most powerful mages could have survived.  They were not in pain.  They were not falling.  They didn't even seem to be greatly concerned about the affair.  Queen Anne grabbed her banner, held it high, and ordered the charge.  The officers would have refused, but Queen Anne whacked them with the banner in the backside, so off they went.  In front of them all went the Private, shooting all the way, downing orc after orc.  The orcs responded with a second wave of arrows, and a wave of spells.  Magic Missiles, Lightning Bolts, and Fireballs crashed into the Army of Oogaboo.  To little effect, except that Queen Anne became all the more infuriated as her royal clothing was ruined beyond repair, and - most offensive of all - her hair was throughly singed.  The orcs gave back.  This was not a fight they wanted, and it was charging right at them.  The enemy was immune to arrows, and fireballs only made them mad, and the other spells seemed to have no effect at all.  They gave back.  Then they turned and ran.  The main orc host, assailing the walls of the fortress, saw their own retreating, and looked in vain for the counterassault.  They could not find it, except for a small group of singed humans who could not possibly be the problem.  When the retreating orcs crashed into their own side, pandemonium ensued, and the High Commander of the attack was handed the news that an army of archmages, led by an archmagistress with the might of Mordenkainen himself, was counterattacking.  The High Commander sent his orc mages out to ascertain where the counterattack was coming from.  All their efforts were for naught;  whatever it was, it was hiding from their scrying efforts.  The High Commander ordered his orcs to destroy the ragtag humans.  They refused.  The High Commander repeated his order, killing a few orcs to underscore his command.  A thousand orcs charged the Army of Oogaboo from all directions, closing in for hand to hand combat.  It was all in vain.  Orc weapons, magical swords and maces, hit to no effect against the people of Oz.  The officers and Queen Anne, frantic and unable to do anything else, struck back.  They drew their weapons and fought, blanching at the blood and stink, the thunder and roar of combat, fighting as ordinary people do when cornered, desperate, and frightened out of their wits.  Queen Anne whacked orc after orc over the head with the Banner, while the private employed his gun as a club, and all the people of Oz kicked and struck at the enemy, trying to drive these horrid and repulsive creatures away.  Thus, over a hundred orcs went down, clubbed, kicked, and a few actually wounded from weapons.  The rest, seeing the enemy hacked, burned, shot, stabbed, and mutilated, without effect, gave back.  Kobold mages opened up with powerful Dispel Magics, and the Kobold High Sorcerer launched his Mordenkainen's Disjunction at the Army of Oogaboo.  This, the Army of Iuz hoped, would end the powerful magical defense of these wizards.  It was not to be.  The second charge brought the same results, and orc after orc went down, kicked and punched by desperate officers, whacked over the head by Queen Anne, or run through by the able private.  The defenders of Grabford saw their opportunity, and counterattacked.  The Army of Iuz, it's attention diverted by the Army of Oogaboo, was unable to stop the sally, and they were driven back from the walls, hundreds killed, hundreds wounded.  The High Commander decided to sound the retreat, and he raised his great horn to do so.  However, Queen Anne had spotted him, and realized he was the one who had ordered the attack on her.   Infuriated, she charged, and the High Commander's orcs leap out of the way of this fierce, indomitable archmagistress, and Queen Anne whacked the High Commander as hard as she could on the face.    That settled it.  The High Commander drew his sword and dueled with the Queen.  His swings cut apart her banner, but that only increased her fury.  His swings cut her beautiful clothing apart, and that only increased her fury.  His swings cut deeply into her, and THAT only increased her fury.  Before the High Commander knew what was happening, he had been kicked in the groin a dozen times, whacked over the head twice that many times, and the woman had bourne him to the ground, and was pummeling him in the face.  The High Commander was a veteran of many wars, high in the service of Iuz, but he was no match for a woman infuriated at the destruction of her wardrobe, which she had spent countless years cobbling together.  The High Commander, lost the battle as Queen Anne of Oogaboo knocked him silly, and then with a good right punch laid him out cold.  Seeing this, the entire Army of Iuz panicked.  The whole hoard turned and ran for the river.  Close on their heels came the forces of Furyondy, but none were closer than the officers of Oogaboo, who went because their Queen ordered it and she was not in any mood to be contradicted.  The fearless private also gave chase, firing his gun again and again, while the orcs screamed in fear and bedlam spread through their ranks.  There will always be some speculation as to why the Army of Iuz could not get back across the river.  Maybe it was because of the tremendous volleys of arrows sent against their boats by the Furyonders.  Maybe it was the fact the officers of Oogaboo sunk half the boats before they could cross.  Maybe it was the swiftness of the river.  What is known is that, when they fell into the river, the officers all went berserk.  Acting like drowning men, they grabbed for everyone and anything that floated, pulling hundreds of orcs into the water, upending boats, spilling supplies and vast hoards of food and weapons into the river.  And the officers did not stop, but actually attacked the boats (at least, according to eyewitnesses they did), climbing aboard and throwing the orcs overboard, smashing holes in the boats, sinking them, then repeating the process.  The fact that nobody in Oogaboo could swim, or that adrenal strength was in play here, might have made the difference, and certainly the orcs panicked as these invincible mages came climbing aboard their means of escape, throwing themselves into the river, only to drown themselves as their armor pulled them down.  The Furyonders never saw the Army of Oogaboo again.  Their Queen, the officers, and the private stormed after the remnant of the Army of Iuz as it retreated into the Horned Lands, declaring all that realm to be theirs.  However, they were eternally grateful.  Thus the city of Grabford and the northeastern frontier of Furyondy were saved from the Hoards of Iuz.  They were saved by the seventeen men and one woman from the fabled Land of Oz.</blockquote>

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