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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Alzrius" data-source="post: 9646330" data-attributes="member: 8461">Re-reading my post, I think my take on Drake's story was a bit muddled, because I was basically trying to talk about both stories at once while also comparing and contrasting them.To review Drake's story by itself, it's good for what it is, but I can't help but feel like the narrower scope works against it. That might just be because it comes right after a much longer (and richer) take on the same basic premise, but it's also because there's very little in the way of resolution after the climax. I personally like to have something in the way of an epilogue after a denouement, and this...sort of had a brief nod at one, but nothing more than that.In terms of conflict, the central aspect which drives things is the contrast with how the main character (a Roman noblewoman named Flavia Herosilla) relates to Romulus and Remus. Horrified by the primitive conditions she finds herself in, she's intent on making sure that the more civilized world she's familiar with comes to pass (and as soon as possible), for which she needs Romulus to rule. But she finds Romulus detestable on a personal level, given his arrogance and sense of entitlement (plus, you know, he attempts to force himself on her shortly after their first meeting).Remus, on the other hand, is a perfect gentleman toward Herosilla, but makes it clear he prefers the bucolic lifestyle that she finds unbearable. Remus has no desire to live in anything larger than a small community where everyone knows each other, doesn't see much point in learning to read or write, and generally has no sense of ambition. But he's kind, brave, honorable, and hardworking, being the overall better man even if he has no wish to be any kind of ruler.It's to Drake's credit that he doesn't make this as simple as a "two brothers fighting over a woman" tale. Nor is this easily reduced to a story about Herosilla being torn between who can give her a better life versus who makes her happy. Rather, both of those elements are blended with Herosilla trying to simultaneously ensure that events happen as they're supposed to while also attempting to change how the brothers' destined showdown ends. Her navigating two paradoxical goals forms the crux of the plot.The problem is that Drake also needs to mix this in with the inevitable "fish out of water" part that forms the beginning of the story. That is, he has to present the initial setup (i.e. Herosilla in her own time), the initial confusion that goes with her transportation into the past, her figuring out where (or rather, when) she is and the implications of that, getting used to the local surroundings, and figuring out what to do...all before the central conflict can be put front-and-center. That's a lot for a roughly fifty-page story (and being a mass market paperback, the pages aren't that big).Again, Drake didn't do a bad job; he just felt constrained in how things turned out, and I have to wonder if he knew this was going to be printed as an addendum to a much longer story and was told to write it accordingly.</blockquote>

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