Upgrade your account to a Community Supporter account and remove most of the site ads.
Enchanted Trinkets Complete--a hardcover book containing over 500 magic items for your D&D games!

Reply to thread

Message: <blockquote data-quote="ThoughtBubble" data-source="post: 1073123" data-attributes="member: 9723">Afrodyte, I'm sorry that you're in a very difficult group. I know I've been miserable in groups where my reasons for playing were different than the rest of the group's reasons. It also sounds like there isn't a lot of consideration going on in the group, so I can see how it would be a tough time. I do have to agree with the consensus that you seem to be playing with a bunch of jerks.I'm also a little amused and sad at the number of people saying "get over it". That is pretty well guy behavior there, which is probablly what you wanted to avoid.Part of the problem is that it gets into this huge dichotomy. Ideally, you want to be treated differently. But you probablly don't want to be treated "like a girl." So if they do treat you in a special way, then it will still be bothersome. Just to compound the situation, treating you like a guy will probablly involve pointing out that you're a girl (useful in jibes, and bad attempts at witty humor). Similar things happen often, like the party wanting the leader to be strong and decisive, but dragging their feet because the party doesn't like following. Yours just is worse because of the compounded gender issue. It also may be (I don't know your group at all, so ignore me if I'm wrong) that some of them are showing off because there's a female around. Yeah, really. There's a large possibilty that they're being so annoying to try to impress either you, or the rest of the group.Now, on to one thing that caught my eye.Saying "I feel ..." is a staple of the world of shrinks. It's been a technique used to let someone say what is on his or her mind without needing to fear reprisal or contradiction. In my expierence, it backfired. Now starting a statement with "I feel..." means "Don't argue, listen to everything I say, and agree with it." And then it gets abused on top of that. "I feel bad when Teflon Billy makes fun of my DMing skills 'cause he's a jerk." And because we've invoked the I feel rule, Billy can't say anything about being a jerk or making fun of my DMing skills. So, from here a typical response might be "I feel frusterated when ThoughtBubble turns into a stupid crybaby panzy." Things will only further degenerate until we're all really pissed off. The horrible part is that using the clause of I feel literally has been broken into making something an unarbuable fact instead of just asking for a little notice of an emotional state. That's why it's threatining. By the rules, there is no recourse when someone says "I feel". That's why as a guy, I fear it when a girl breaks out that phrase. When it gets broken out, my opinions don't matter, the dialog turns one way, and either I agree, or I'm a jerk and a moron. Now, I know you don't mean for any of that to come up. All you want is someone to listen and try to understand. Try starting with a possible solution, it might help by giving the guys something to latch on to. "Could you stop X? I feel ..." Has the added bonus of the course of action ahead, and opens up possibilities of why X happens. Using "I feel" style conversation may have something to do with why you get "You shouldn't feel that way," as a response so often. Emotions are pretty well final and unchangable. If someone brings them to a conversation, they are like large, threatning weapons of destruction. I will do my best to respect them (note that I grew up a crybaby momma's boy), but usually they're gone after as the biggest, most dangerous things around.Again, you have my sympathy, because groups where you don't fit in aren't fun.</blockquote>

Verification